AIBU - issues with supposed friend and dog trainer?

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Hi,
I've not been on Mumsnet before so apologies if I make any novice errors! Sorry I know it's a long post!

I met this person late last year (late September ish) - at the time, I was making a business enquiry to get help with my dog, she offers professional dog training so I got in touch. Anyway first couple of weeks things go well, my dog likes her and as we're both very "doggy" people we seemed to get on really well. I'm autistic and only have one other friend, I'm also suicidal and have issues with my mental health. I felt I could open up to this person so slowly I start to share details from my personal life and she seemed sympathetic, asked me to keep her updated, etc - this led to a friendship building, in my eyes at least. Anyway in Nov 2022 I made an attempt on my own life, I sent her a suicide note/basically asked her to take care of my dog but she intervened and got police so obviously, it didn't work and I'm still here.

This is where the problem starts. After I was in hospital, she kept saying we must meet up and do this special dog walk somewhere different - because I don't drive so can't get to these nice places -, she messaged my mum (I still live with parents currently) to arrange it but wouldn't confirm a date/time, eventually she cancelled very short notice when she was supposed to be doing it the day after as she "forgot" her DHD birthday. It was around this point she offered to exchange training walks with my dog for helping her out with her own- so basically exchanging time for time. Essentially, what I noticed is that from this point, she started almost always running late to booked training walks or would cancel short notice (usually 24hrs or less) for non emergencies - I offered at this point to go back to paying her so she'd turn up reliably but she said she's still happy to swap time for time. The latest excuse is the recent school strikes and needing to look after her son/step children. I've also recently been struggling with feeling suicidal again and disclosed this, she said to keep her updated on how I'm feeling or if she can help, etc. The last straw was she was booked to come Weds at 9.30, I was waiting outside with my dog all harnessed up at 9.30 on the dot and she rang me to say she "forgot" to cancel due to school strikes - however, I sent her a text on the previous Fri confirming details for me helping out on Sat and she failed to mention this (she posted on fb complaining about school strikes and there were offers of help from her friends), on Saturday she didn't mention not being able to do Wednesday either. I messaged her to book in another training session on Sat (for a couple of weeks time) as well and she left me on read for over three days - so plenty of time to reply and say "oh BTW can't do Weds". Ultimately I spend all Wednesday upset and stressed about the situation, and in the late evening I send her a polite but long message explaining how upset I was, that it makes me feel insignificant and like I'm not a priority, that I understand I can be draining to be around because of my poor mental health but I didn't want to lose our friendship over it so am happy to not involve her with that kind of thing, etc and also that I feel like she's not interested in maintaining a contact so I'd be taking a step back and leaving her to get in touch with me. She has replied, but has basically turned it around on me and acted like it's my fault I'm upset - saying she's had a very stressful last couple of weeks (but not too stressed to do other work and/or for me to help her out twice in this period with no return help..?), not slept much and "is only human/has her own stuff going on", that she still wants to work with me and my dog and that she's "sorry if it's upset me" - which isn't a proper apology and it clearly had upset me otherwise I wouldn't have said it did! I just thumbed up as wouldn't have replied anything nice. Thursday (yesterday - sorry I am writing this at 3. 30am in morning as been so stressed about it -, she had done two posts on her business page about dog training sessions she's done that day - schools were also on strike then and according to her she had "literally no choice" (those words exactly!) but to cancel due to strikes so clearly she's lying somewhere. I must admit I was quite distraught once I saw this and was crying to my mum - I feel so stupid thinking that she cared about me/liked me as a friend. Let's say she couldn't do Wednesday but could do Thursday, wouldn't you book us in for Thursday or Friday this week? She has apparently booked us in for next Fri morning, however I have my doubts. I feel really upset, she knows I don't exactly have a big social circle and that I look forward to these walks as it can be the only social interaction I get outside of my family due to my nature of work (dog walker/pet sitter), I do understand cancelling for an emergency or if someone's ill, etc, but this has happened SEVERAL times now.

I now am tempted to contact her again and basically ask why she lied/what's going on but ultimately don't know what that'd achieve but I need some answers as I don't know what I've done wrong here?!

Am I being unreasonable for being upset? What would you do in this situation? Please help as it's causing me severe stress and upset x

YANBU to be upset, she sounds like she’s both a flake and a user. Stop helping her with walks and stop booking her for walks.

Find a different person to help you. Don’t waste time trying to be friends with her, she isn’t worth it.

She's not your friend, and even if she was a loose friend, she's not your support system. I understand youve out a lot of your time and emotions and energy into this 'friendship' but she hasn't and won't. You're not a high priority to her, as her family is. She sounds like she wanted to help you out with the time for time idea but can't actually carry it through for whatever reason. Can you find yourself a dog walking group instead, some people who meet at a park for a walk? You're never going to get what you want from this friendship, and confronting her over anything other than the lack of training will not do anything. Maybe find a new trainer since you're happy to pay, and look at her sessions if they have a bonus instead of something you rely on?

She's not your friend and not someone you can rely or trust to do anything she says. As well as that, you are very fragile and being in contact with this woman is having more of a negative effect on your mental health. For these reasons, step away from her and focus on your mental health. I'm really sorry you have felt suicidal, it's so important to surround yourself by positivity and people who will support without judgement - not her.

Not all kids are out every day of the strikes. Schools are tending to close different classes on different days.

This person cannot be the support you want her to be. That’s probably more to do with her life than you. I’m sorry, that sucks - but as others have said this friendship doesn’t seem helpful so maybe step away.

She's not someone you can rely on. You can either have her as a mate who you see occasionally but don't rely on or I would walk away from the friendship if you need it to be more as it seems you won't get what you need from the friendship. I would just message and say the friendship isn't helping your mental health so you are going to leave it but thanks for previous support.

I think that for a friendship of only six months or so, it's been a lot.

I don't think her messing you about is OK at all, but having you send her a suicide note and so on, has probably been too much to deal with. It may have been quite shocking and frightening and felt like a huge responsibility to her.

She may not want to be unkind but has created lots of distance ever since by being unreliable? It seems like she might not want to be friends any more, but is afraid of making you upset?

I'm sorry you've been feeling so bad and I hope you're getting the support you need.

I'm sorry youge been struggling with your mental health. It sounds like a very difficult time for you, and I hope you're getting the professional help you need.

Sadly it seems this person, perhaps well-meaning, isn't in a position to help you through this. Perhaps it all became very serious a bit too quickly for her (you've only known her a few months ) but she was wrong to make plans and cancel last minute.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this and your feelings are completely justified. However please try and see this a little bit from her point of view.

It must have been quite a shock to her to receive your suicide note. I know you are going through hell right now but as a friend especially such a new friendship, that’s quite an intense thing to receive. You know nothing about her own mental health and things she is dealing with and whilst she probably genuinely wants to help you and support you, it’s still a relatively new friendship and she may be worried about it happening again and you have already acknowledged that you can be draining to be around which for a friendship of only 6 months is quite a big ask.

You need to take a step back from the friendship as whilst you need the social interaction for your mental health she is not your support network and after 6 months it’s unfair to expect her to be be she is a business that you contacted and a friendship was flourishing but it’s still early days.

she is however being unprofessional with the constant lateness and cancellations.

You may be better finding a small group like the ramblers to walk with as there are always fixed walks not reliant on one person.

I think that the friendship has run its course and she doesn't know how to communicate that to you.
I know your mental health is not good and that must be on your mind a lot of the time. However when you're building a friendship or relationship with someone it's not really a good idea to disclose your most personal struggles too soon. I know it might feel like that's what you do when you like someone and want to be close with them but it's a lot to put on someone who doesn't have a strong foundation of friendship and care for you already.
I think that the suicide note after knowing you for two months was too much for her and she's trying to distance herself but doing a really bad job of it. I would just stop contacting her if I were you.

You expected too much of this woman, probably because of your mental health, and she let you down. Find another dog trainer and maybe take your dog to a local park and try to establish links with other dog owners.