Step son and joint custody

[blendedwithperfection]

name changed and will change some details as otherwise it will be very outing.
I know I am being unreasonable and I know I deserve to be told I’m ridiculous and selfish.
my step son ( primary age ) has always lived with us since he was a baby. Full custody with supervised visits with his mum. I have always been the level headed one and ensured contact was kept and been the go between, ensured contact over phone/ face time at Christmas etc.
we never fought for custody as such, he was removed by social services ( my partner did not know at the time he existed ) and we were contacted with basically you either take him or he goes in to care. We did not hesitate of course. His mum is hard work and had a lot of issues in the past, step son was born with withdrawal of meth, and then when removal happened it was due to failing to keep clean and having a drug overdose whilst he was with her alone.
I will admit in my opinion I feel like the last year she has really improved mental health wise and seems to be on the way forward. However, there is a lack of contact and the scheduled supervised contact is often cancelled making it around 2 times a month instead of 4.
this is where the selfish part comes in, she is taking it back to court in hope to go from supervised contact to unsupervised and 50/50 contact, she wants to prove she can to this and then hopefully he can live with her full time and stay with us weekends.
she has been very open about her plans and not in a mean way.
now I know I am unreasonable because apart of me is hoping court doesn’t go her way because I have raised him and couldn’t now imagine my house without him in being here apart from weekends :( I am actually in favour and been supportive of her and the non supervised visits but the him moving out and in with her is so terrifying for us.

Relax. The court isn't likely to order that he moves to her care. If you could negotiate unsupervised contact for her now rather than go to court that would be far preferable.

I’m not surprised the idea of it feels so hard; are you getting legal advice? Based on my professional experience in this area I would say that a year is not a huge amount of time to be stable/clean and before going 50/50 you’d want unsupervised and a build up of contact over a long period of time. I don’t really see what the argument would be for him to live with her and only see you and his dad at weekends; she’d have to prove that the move was in his best interests and the fact that she’s his mum isn’t evidence enough of that

Deep down I know that it won’t be instant and there is little chance of this being granted, I think I just feel as a mum myself like in the worlds most welding person for hoping he stays with us even if she is better !

You sound lovely and your stepson is lucky to have you.

Of course you want to keep him with you! You’ve given him the love, support, stability and safety he needed and deserved after a very challenging start.

Poor lamb, he’s been through so much and as the people who care for him you want to make sure he stays safe and having a childhood worthy of him.

Try not to panic.

Thank you I have hardly slept court is in may and it is just creeping up now. I don’t see him as a step son. I wake up and I go ok what have I got to do my kids it’s not a household of my 2 kids and my step son. Maybe that’s my fault.

She won't get it.

She won't even get an increase in contact unless she evidences a sustained period of contact.

Maybe in the future it could move to 50/50. But only if it was in the child's best interests.

50/50 is her best hope but it's a long way off. If ever.

She's not turning up to all the contact available to her, she's hardly likely to be there for even more. Hoping the judge see this and stops her. Poor mite he needs consistency not a flaky Mom who doesn't turn up.