To not know how to behave at a new club

[Frazzld]

How would you behave/make conversation with people at a new club or group you've just joined? I'm in my mid 30s and recently joined a large but fairly casual running club. Everyone seems welcoming and they have active Whatsapp/social media groups, lots of people of different ages and abilities involved.

But every time I go, I struggle to talk to anyone and nobody talks to me. Except for the club coaches/reps. I was actively encouraged to join a monthly group long run last weekend, followed by coffee and cake at the local cafe after. I went along and just had nothing to say to anyone the whole time.

Everyone knows each other already. I ended up just running on my own not saying a word for 45 minutes, then awkwardly just sitting there at the cafe afterwards. I did talk to one woman briefly but she got up and walked off after exchanging about 2 sentences. Am I weird to be struggling with this?

People usually respond well to questions about themselves; "how long have you been running?", "are you with the club long?", "do you live around here?", that sort of thing.

This is why I haven’t joined my local running club - they’re all very welcoming but they also all know each other so tend to run in pairs/threes and then all catch up afterwards in similar groups.

I simply don’t have the social skills to break into an established group, and if I’m going to run alone I might as well do it at a time of my choosing!

Following

Are there any fellow newer members you can get to know rather the established ones?

Could you ask the coaches to introduce you to people who are at similar stage and may want to have a running buddy ? Maybe this is something you need to raise with the club reps - that to keep new members there needs to be a way of introducing them to existing and other new members

I think it’s hard breaking into established groups as many long-term members are going to prefer catching up with friends over talking to someone new. Groups like this go through a lifecycle from everyone being new and keen to chat to everyone to a balance through to it mainly being old hands who are less motivated to meet new people. I run a club that recently closed to new members, and it was a relief as it was becoming increasingly difficult to welcome newbies into a group where almost everyone knew each other very well.

Are there any newer groups, where there is a mix of old and newer members? Alternatively, could you try and find the newer members in this group as a pp suggests?

@SlipperyLizard But then how does anyone ever start going to a club? Everyone must have been new at some point?

@Frazzld the people I know who go either have better social skills than me or joined with existing friends.

I know some people there, but they’re acquaintances rather than friends.

I have been, but one time just ran at the back with the tail runner but then felt awkward in the pub so got my bag and snuck off. Similar the next time I tried.

Its a shame as I’d love to feel part of a community, but I just can’t seem to break in (and have no friends who want to go!).

I’m the same. I joined a swim club to make new friends after moving countries but it’s really hard to break in beyond just a few pleasantries. The friendship groups are largely established and while everyone is polite you’re on the fringes. Following with interest.

Have you introduced yourself on the WhatsApp group? I'm part of a large group, if ever anyone introduces themselves, and particularly if they mention feeling a bit nervous or shy, I and others make a real effort when we see them in person.

Perhaps do that?