CMS when main carer earns more

[WhyGoHome]

In midst of divorce. I applied for Child maintenance. Ex let arrears build up and money is now being deducted from his pay. He is going ballistic and accusing me of breaking him, he doesn't have money to eat etc. I earn approx 1.5x his income and have the children 100% of the time (not through his choice, he was abusive and can only see the children supervised). I agreed to pay mortgage 100% so he could rent somewhere else.

Since I am the higher earner am I being unreasonable making him make full CMS payments? I feel like he caused himself the hardship he is in now by letting arrears build up but he makes me feel guilty and sad when he blames me for it all.

YABU - due to pay difference you should adjust maintenance
YANBU - money is for the children and independent of main carer's income

YANBU if you lived as a family and shared costs evenly he would have to pay more. There are consequences for actions and these are his.

If you can manage without the money for essential use it for therapy or other extra things that would benefit your children, don't under estimate how much damage living in an abusive home affects children even if they didn't witness anything.

God no.

He created a child, he has to contribute financially to their upbringing, especially as you're doing 100% of the child raising.

Don't let him make you doubt yourself, you are right and he is totally wrong.

You could be a millionaire it makes zero difference.
His children his at least financial responsibility: his fault he’s abusive and can’t see them but he still has to contribute.

you are absolutely correct and your children are absolutely entitled to whatever it’s calculated he should be paying for their upkeep.

His payments are based on what he can afford according to the state algorithm. Your wage is irrelevant. Whether you earn £100,000 or £1 doesn’t change how much he can afford to pay.

YANBU he is financially responsible for HIS children. He chose to let the arrears build up.

You are providing a home, essentials and luxuries for your DC 100% of the time, chipping in 20% of his income barely touches the sides!

Your income is irrelevant - he needs to pay for his kids.

He needs to contribute to his children. It’s not about how much money you’ve got.

Yanbu. It’s his contribution towards his kids. If he is never having them then you are shouldering all of the costs. If he got his life together and was able to have them himself then he would be able to pay you less for his kids and he would use that deduction for his life with them instead. But as that’s not happening then he needs to pay full maintenance.

OP - same position do not give in. My Ex pays but if there is a crisis with the DM of his other child - think 5/6 times per year tht can only ever be solved with cash - then it is always lookluv who is expected to facilitate her next bloody hoiday.

He is responsible for paying for his DC -your pay is irrelevant,

You know no one is going to think this is unreasonable 🤷🏻‍♀️

YANBU. What you earn is irrelevant; he should contribute to his children. The money is for his children, not you. Remember that CMS is the minimum he should pay - a decent parent would pay more if they possibly could.

YANBU - and I hope you have a written agreement in place regarding your share of the house if he is still on the mortgage/deeds but you’re paying for it all?!

Are your mortgage payments now ringfenced?

Thank you all so much. I guess it just shows how much this man can get to me still, I doubt myself all the time 😔. I will stand firm.

You can just block him and prevent access to you

He's just using it to try to extend control

YANBU he has a responsibility to financially provide for his children, your earnings are nothing to do with this whatsoever

Ignore him, he's being abusive again, just using different tactics