I'm in my late 20s and I'm really shy and quiet. I don't know nor have ever known anyone else like it. No amount of self-reflection or anxiety medication has helped, and I really thought by now I would have outgrown it.
I can function ok in the world, like I have no problem making phone calls or going to appointments, but it often feels like it's because I'm performing a role ('The Polite Customer'). However I really struggle at work. I find it impossible to speak up in meetings unless someone directly asks for my input, and won't join conversations with colleagues unless I'm directly asked. It's bizarre but it's like I'm mute until someone acknowledges I'm allowed to speak. I struggle to concentrate in meetings as I'm so hyper aware of how my face and posture looks, and nodding and smiling (is this masking?) When I've kept my camera off I can speak so much more eloquently and explain my points clearly as the stress of being on camera is taken away.
I can be fake in conversations, I completely abandon myself in favour of whoever I'm talking to wants me to be. With one friend I'll be chatting about the latest episode of Love Island, and with another friend I'll be agreeing with them as they talk about how much they reality TV.
Does this sound like it could be Autism? I do have male relatives with Autism so it is in my family, but I'm so different to them