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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not start taking HRT?

196 replies

OldSkoolLikeHappyShopper · 15/03/2023 21:40

My doctor has mentioned that HRT would be an option for me. She said patches because of a family history of breast cancer. I’m 42, no not flushes or night sweats. But my symptoms are:

low mood/irritability
loss of sex drive
find it hard to orgasm when I do have sex (never been a problem before)
bad skin
forgetfulness/brain fog
achy all over
crazy menstrual cycle (anywhere between 18-38 days)

I guess I’m a bit scared because of my family breast cancer risk, and also because I’ve never got on with any kind of hormonal contraception, I always had hideous side effects with it. I know HRT isn’t contraception, but would it have a similar effect in terms of not agreeing with me?

Really don’t know what to do…I wouldn’t say my symptoms are unmanageable or massively affecting my life (the sex drive/orgasms one is probably the most annoying), and I don’t know whether to go for the HRT or play or by ear and see if things get worse.

Others experiences and opinions would be appreciated, I feel completely clueless, this whole peri menopause thing has crept up on me and I feel woefully unprepared!

OP posts:
Hopingofholiday · 15/03/2023 21:43

Oh please can I join in …. Started gel today ! And feel very nervous . No knowledge of potential cancer risks as mother died young .

salutsandy · 15/03/2023 21:52

You won't get a balanced view on MN as it's very pro HRT

RudsyFarmer · 15/03/2023 21:53

I think it could help with some of those symptoms but not all. I’ve been on it for nearly a year now and it has caused a stone of weight gain. Otherwise I have no complaints.

AlisonDonut · 15/03/2023 21:56

salutsandy · 15/03/2023 21:52

You won't get a balanced view on MN as it's very pro HRT

That's because it saves lives.

OP I had the same, at 42, and they wouldn't test me. By the time I finally got HRT at 49, I had osteoporosis. I was a right mess by that point.

If it doesn't work for you then you can always stop.

ghostyslovesheets · 15/03/2023 21:59

Have they ruled out everything else? such as thyroid issues?

I don't think Mumsnet is 'pro HRT' to be honest I think you find women who take/have taken HRT tend to talk about it on threads like this - and if they have had positive experiences - share them. Which is just honesty.

I think in your case you would be wise to weigh up the risks and give your self time before deciding.

HRT often needs tweeking until you find one that fits - but you stop if it's not suiting you. I have been on 3 different types, one made me gain weight, one made me bleed all month on and off but my current one suits me fine and works well - and now nowhere has it in stock!

Whatthediddlyfeck · 15/03/2023 22:01

The breast cancer “link” was shown to be dodgy research a long time ago. If it’s still on the channel 4 player, have a watch of the programmes Davina McCall did on HRT-very informative

Timeforchangeithink · 15/03/2023 22:02

I never bothered taking anything as everyone I know who did are still on it and still having symptoms whilst mine was over and done with quite quickly. I would persevere not taking anything apart from a decent diet and fresh air.

KnittingNeedles · 15/03/2023 22:03

I would have taken my own life had it not been for HRT. And that is not an exaggeration.

It's obviously up to you whether you take it or not. But for many women it works very well.

Londontown12 · 15/03/2023 22:04

I’d say just go for it ! I’ve been on the patches about 3 years now !
I felt exactly how you are now !
to scared to stick one on lol 😂
just gotta bite the bullet they will either help or they won’t no harm done x

StillMedusa · 15/03/2023 22:06

I'm on HRT.. have had both the patches and the gel.. I prefer the gel as the patches leave sticky marks that are a pain to get off.

But.. I can now sleep, my brain works again, I don't want to murder my dh just for breathing too loudly. Sex is fine.

I don't plan to be on it forever..I'm 55 now and have been on it for nearly 3 years. But I do think it's worth trialing to see if it helps you :)

Savoretti · 15/03/2023 22:19

I had the same symptoms as you, and no hot flashes, but also terrible sleeping.
HRT has been amazing almost from day one.
I would recommend you give it a try. if it doesn’t work for you then you can stop, but its worth it to try,
just to feel yourself again. I didn’t realise quite how low I felt until I got the old me back

Xrays · 15/03/2023 22:28

If you are 42 and having menopausal symptoms you should definitely try HRT because apart from anything else you are deficient in oestrogen about ten years earlier than you should be which can lead to all sorts of issues later in life - most women will have another ten years of oestrogen to help strengthen their bones and support their heart health. Aside from anything else I would and do take it for those reasons - I was 37 when I went onto HRT, I went into early menopause due to autoimmune issues. It was life changing for me.

If you are having difficulties vaginally and orgasming you probably need internal vaginal oestrogen as well - Ovestin is particularly good as you can use it externally as well as internally: it’s very low dose and you can use this alongside regular systemic HRT.

Xrays · 15/03/2023 22:29

salutsandy · 15/03/2023 21:52

You won't get a balanced view on MN as it's very pro HRT

And thank fuck it is. It changes and saves lives.

Hellenbach · 15/03/2023 22:39

I started HRT before the age of 50 due to early menopause.
My GP told me that evidence shows HRT before the age of 50 provides only positive health benefits. As already mentioned this is mainly linked to bone health.
After the age of 50 the data is variable, depending on your family history etc

Teenagekicksmyass · 15/03/2023 22:55

I am 49 and have been taking HRT for about two years now. I am also under the Family History clinic because of the amount of breast cancer in my family.
My worst symptoms were night sweats and mood swings. I was often absolutely raging for no reason at all. I am a different person now, much to my husband’s relief!
I take Elleste duet. I was told it was fine for me to take it, in spite of my family history.
I suppose I just think that I might get run over by a bus tomorrow and I couldn’t stand being so flipping grumpy any longer!

FuckNuggets · 15/03/2023 23:00

I'd snap it up in a heartbeat. I've been going back and forth with my GP for the last 6 weeks trying to get HRT. I've had 2 blood tests and 2 phone calls. Trying to get a face to face appointment is like trying to get a date with the Queen (Elizabeth II not Camilla)! I'm at my wits end. He's reluctant to prescribe it because I'm under 45, I turn 45 in 3 months! 🤦🏻‍♀️

Twopoodlesarebetterthanone · 15/03/2023 23:03

I haven't taken it and seem to be ok!!

DarkNecessities · 15/03/2023 23:03

No HRT here.

fairycards · 15/03/2023 23:05

Xrays · 15/03/2023 22:29

And thank fuck it is. It changes and saves lives.

Show quote history

I'm sure a lot of people find it very helpful. But it killed my mother.

If you think MN is balanced on HRT or not HRT, try starting a thread for women who are not using HRT in the menopause board...

NeverDropYourMooncup · 15/03/2023 23:16

I've started on patches and a pessary because I figured it's probably a good idea for bone density and to ensure my bits don't atrophy when I rather like using them as nature intended. I never got on with hormonal contraception at all.

So far, it's been fine - and if I don't like it, I can just not put another patch on/pessary in.

DrManhattan · 15/03/2023 23:18

I tried it but came off it as my boobs hurt too much and I was really bloated. Got thrush which I haven't had for years and years. Think I already have too many of my own hormones. Felt great when I stopped it!

ohfibonacci · 15/03/2023 23:18

Osteoporosis is a real risk if early menopause. It’s happened to a friend of mine and it’s not good 😞

7eleven · 15/03/2023 23:40

Why not trial it for 3 months and see how it goes.

I had a mammogram last week and the subject came up. The radiographer said HRT is not usually considered a concern for breast cancer.

Lastnamedidntstick · 15/03/2023 23:55

fairycards · 15/03/2023 23:05

I'm sure a lot of people find it very helpful. But it killed my mother.

If you think MN is balanced on HRT or not HRT, try starting a thread for women who are not using HRT in the menopause board...

Show quote history

Yep. I got told “why wouldn’t you” and if it was some holy grail that would stop me aging, and without it I would lose all my bone density and die.

I was trying to ask what the point of someone like me, showing no signs of menopause, regular periods, regular weight bearing exercise, no family history, no symptoms whatsoever would be. I’d be asking for it purely because of my age (50). Especially as per pp hormones previously have turned me from reasonably well balanced to a fat, unhappy, murderous, constantly bleeding mess.

no one could tell me. Only got the “it saves lives so why wouldn’t you” line.

Onynx · 16/03/2023 00:06

The three main things that put women in nursing homes- broken hips due to osteoporosis, incontinence and dementia - all can be greatly reduced with suitable hrt. Also you go 'in' to Menopause not 'through' it. The symptoms vary for us all but worth doing your own research. Bear in mind the cancer link was debunked and with transdermal body identical hrt there is no greater risk than drinking alcohol or using hormonal birth control and we don't hesitate about those. My own thoughts are that I want to live life to its fullest while I can and if it is a case of quantity /quality I would chose quality every time.

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