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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get my sister a card

28 replies

moondust11 · 15/03/2023 18:35

Mother's Day on Sunday and seen a lovely card from angel baby for my sister but I'm stuck at what to write in it, baby was never named as lost before gender was known.
Any ideas?
Thank you x

OP posts:
Original poster
moondust11 · 15/03/2023 18:39

.

OP posts:
winningeasy · 15/03/2023 18:41

Obviously you really love your sister but I think that could be potentially pretty triggering

mynameiscalypso · 15/03/2023 18:41

I'm sorry, I know you mean well but I would absolutely hate this if I was your sister.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 15/03/2023 18:41

Are you sure she would like it? I lost a child at a later stage of pregnancy and would hate to get a card like that.

FictionalCharacter · 15/03/2023 18:42

I honestly don’t think it’s a good idea. For me it would bring back the pain of the loss.

RecklessBlackberries · 15/03/2023 18:43

I would be so upset to receive a card like this. I can't think of anything appropriate you could possibly write, if the card is meant to be from her dead baby.

You could send a "thinking of you" card or text from yourself, I'm sure that would be better received.

Igniteyourbones · 15/03/2023 18:44

The card makes me feel quite uncomfortable. Potential to upset her, even though I know your motive is to try be kind/supportive. I think a better idea would be to give her a lovely bunch of flowers and tell her that you are thinking of her and there to support her.

MamaCanYouBuyMeABanana · 15/03/2023 18:44

Please don't unless you're absolutely 100% sure she will take it well. Even then you would be better just giving her flowers or a plant or something rather than writing a card from a pregnancy she lost.

I would have hated someone to give me a card on mother's day from my children who died. It would have made a shitty day a million times worse.

MrsBunnyEars · 15/03/2023 18:44

Another one who, having lost a baby, would find this awful.

I’m so sorry, clearly you are a lovely sister.

Could you check in on her, but NOT mention Mother’s Day, if she’d otherwise be alone? Or do something random but nice for her next week in case she’s down?

PennyForearm · 15/03/2023 18:44

Send a card from yourself by all means, but please don’t send the card you’re suggesting in your OP.

skippy67 · 15/03/2023 18:44

Well, you know her better than we do, but I think that's a terrible idea. However well-meaning

FlightyFoxing · 15/03/2023 18:44

Noooo please don't do this.

BevMarsh · 15/03/2023 18:45

I think it's a bad idea

PennyForearm · 15/03/2023 18:45

I think it’s pretty disgusting that card companies are trying to cash in any way they can by producing cards like this.

Grim.

SophiaSW1 · 15/03/2023 18:46

I think this just has massive potential to cause her a great deal of distress

SophiaSW1 · 15/03/2023 18:46

Perhaps something like a bunch of flowers (from you) if you want to mark it

dietcokelime · 15/03/2023 18:47

I would be really upset to receive this.

I'm not a mum, I've been pregnant but I'm not a mum. Mother's Day isn't for me.

smashin · 15/03/2023 18:47

Some women like to speak about their miscarriages and celebrate them and speak about “rainbow babies” etc. they might like to mark the occasion. Is your sister one of these people?

honestly I think a card is too much. I would just offer to take her out for dinner another day or something so it doesn’t seem like a Mother’s Day related gift.

Missuspotatohead · 15/03/2023 18:47

Surely this is something the baby’s father should do, if indeed anyone at all. It seems very inappropriate and massively triggering to me, almost rubbing her nose in the fact that she isn’t a mother because her baby died.

MissMarplesbag · 15/03/2023 18:48

I had a miscarriage at 16 weeks and receiving a card like this would trigger my PTSD. Please don't send the card.

user1473878824 · 15/03/2023 18:49

Oh god please don’t do this

CharlotteRose90 · 15/03/2023 19:02

No no and no please don’t

KillingLoneliness · 15/03/2023 19:05

Another poster saying please don’t do this

Howabsolutelyfanfuckingtastic · 15/03/2023 19:06

I honestly don't think this would be well received by most people. Your heart is in the right place, you sound like a lovely sister but I just think this is appropriate.

Howabsolutelyfanfuckingtastic · 15/03/2023 19:07

Inappropriate that should say