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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Private secondary or state

32 replies

readyornot22 · 15/03/2023 16:12

Help!! My child has been offered a fully funded place at a small private day school local to us. I applied and put her in the entrance exam because I didn’t think we would be offered number 1 choice - but now we have been! I don’t know what to do.. biggest concern is social side with the very small year group (one class 20 max) in the private and from a wider area. I’m veering towards turning it down, but am I mad? It is about £25k a year usually..
YABU - take the free private schooling
YANBU - go with your number 1 state choice

OP posts:
Yetanothernamechangeagain · 15/03/2023 16:13

How old is she?
Does she have friends going to either school
Where will she be happiest?

rubyslippers · 15/03/2023 16:14

Can you afford all the other stuff which goes with a private school and the longer hols etc?
you must have thought about it rather than putting your DD forward for what must have been a tough exam
What does she want to do?

Original poster
readyornot22 · 15/03/2023 16:17

Sorry this is for year 7 entry. Couple of friends going to the state school. None at the private. We are new to the area.

OP posts:
Original poster
readyornot22 · 15/03/2023 16:20

It’s all included. She loves to sit an exam so she was really up for that. She is super clever. She did really well. She would be happy there but I am worried that she will suffer socially with friendships etc. Not many friends already as we are new to area. But she is thriving.

OP posts:
daretodenim · 15/03/2023 16:20

What makes the private school better than the state? Small class sizes is one. Does it have vastly better facilities, better educational outcomes? Does it specifically offer something she enjoys?

What does your DD think?

Train007 · 15/03/2023 16:23

Where I live the state school would win hands down ! Far better education than any of the private schools and the children have far more local friends.

Plumbear2 · 15/03/2023 16:25

It's the size that wouid worry me. 20 kids per year. My son goes to state, 10 forms per year and 30 in a form. He is not friends with anybody in his form but with kids who share his own interests. How would the options work? Would you have as much variety as in state?

Ali85 · 15/03/2023 16:26

A year group of 20 in secondary? I would worry about that both from the social perspective and the risk that the school will go bust, especially if some of those 20 are fully funded. Has it always been so small? Look carefully at the finances.
Also, is it able to offer a good range of subjects with such a small cohort?

LIZS · 15/03/2023 16:26

Is a small school really viable with less than 150 pupils some of whom are fully funded? Tbh if there is any risk it is not sustainable, or that opportunities for subjects and activities are limited by low numbers, go with your first option.

Laptopneeded · 15/03/2023 16:27

Oh my goodness of course take it. Its an absolute gift.
You can always move her out.

Take it!! Small classes are the absolute gift.

SnowAndFrostOutside · 15/03/2023 16:28

I would worry about the financial stability of the school. If it pays for fully funded places, how many people are paying school fees? What are the GCSE options like? Can they all a good variety of subjects? Does your area do 6th form colleges? If not, what about A level subjects?

TheaBrandt · 15/03/2023 16:28

Too small for a secondary.

Laptopneeded · 15/03/2023 16:29

Op let's say your child went state in a year group of 160. 30 in each class
How much opportunity and chance does your dd have to mix with the 160?
How many can she feasibly be friends with?

Plumbear2 · 15/03/2023 16:30

Laptopneeded · 15/03/2023 16:27

Oh my goodness of course take it. Its an absolute gift.
You can always move her out.

Take it!! Small classes are the absolute gift.

Not as easy as that. Most secondarys will be full by then, the good ones anyway. If she did decide to move at a late date she would have to go on waiting lists or to a school with places with is unsatisfactory.

Laptopneeded · 15/03/2023 16:31

I honestly as an adult or child no a single person who prefers huge groups to try and socialise with compared to smaller ones.

Plumbear2 · 15/03/2023 16:33

Laptopneeded · 15/03/2023 16:29

Op let's say your child went state in a year group of 160. 30 in each class
How much opportunity and chance does your dd have to mix with the 160?
How many can she feasibly be friends with?

My kid goes to a 10 form entry so 300 kids. He changed class for every subject so mixes with 100s kids daily. His friends are from several different forms who share his interests. He wouldn't be able to do this in a one form school.

RampantIvy · 15/03/2023 16:34

Wouldn't the GCSE and A level options be very restricted with such small numbers?

Laptopneeded · 15/03/2023 16:34

So he has 100 friends?

My dd is exposed to 160 and is close to 7

Plumbear2 · 15/03/2023 16:38

Laptopneeded · 15/03/2023 16:34

So he has 100 friends?

My dd is exposed to 160 and is close to 7

No I said he mixes with hundred per day. His friendship group is 7 kids, mixed boys and girls who share his interests. None of the kids are in his form. If he went to a school with only 20 kids it's highly unlikely he would have such amazing friends considering he isn't friends with the 29 other kids in his form.

Pythonesque · 15/03/2023 16:38

My son was in a prep school smaller than that which was great. I wouldn't have wanted him to be in such a small senior school. How much will they be able to differentiate across maths, science, English?

It sounds like it was only ever a backup option for you so I wouldn't think you were ridiculous to turn them down. Caveats - is it very small in yr 7 and 8 but has a bigger entry at yr 9? Does it have a bigger 6th form?

I also agree that financial stability is a real question to consider of small private schools, sadly.

Good luck making a decision you can feel happy with!

Original poster
readyornot22 · 15/03/2023 16:56

Hi I know what you mean. But I wouldn’t want to move her as we have had a turbulent two years and moved school a couple of times. The secondaries are massively over subscribed and 170 on the waiting list for the one we have been offered. So it wouldn’t be as simple as just ‘move her’. I wish you could try it for a while!

OP posts:
Original poster
readyornot22 · 15/03/2023 16:59

Hi the school goes from nursery to a-level. About 550 in all I think.

OP posts:
Luckyluv · 15/03/2023 17:00

I'd choose the private school as long as the academic performance was as good as the state school.

BonjourCrisette · 15/03/2023 17:08

I would not send my child to such a tiny school. She was briefly in a class of 16 in KS2 and it was pretty awful on a number of levels. She fared better in the following class which was 34 kids, quite honestly. GCSE and A Level options will be massively limited or really tiny classes or both (neither of these things are good IMO).

LIZS · 15/03/2023 17:08

readyornot22 · 15/03/2023 16:59

Hi the school goes from nursery to a-level. About 550 in all I think.

That wouldn't fit with 20 per year group. Is there a recent ISI report with figures, published Charity Commission accounts for finances?