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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Out of interest...historical AIBU

9 replies

Darkdiamond · 15/03/2023 15:33

This is actually an historical AIBU and I don't know if I was BU at the time.

A few years ago I had my second baby. I also had a two and half year old son who really struggled with the birth of the baby. His behaviour was really challenging, just running around, screaming, throwing things: all within the normal toddler range but hard work nonetheless. He was at home with me and the baby for different reasons (didn't go to nursery etc) so it was tough.

One day a colleague (Jenny) said she would call out to see the baby. When she was in my home, my two year old was running around squealing, throwing things...attention seeking stuff. My son has well and truly passed this phase now BTW!

Anyway a few days later I bumped into a different colleague, Martina, who asked how it was all going with two. I said it was tough as my eldest was struggling. 'I know. Martina said he was crazy'. It turns out that a group of the had been out for a meal and Jenny told them all that my two year old had been crazy when she visited.

She came up on my social media and it strangely brought a lot of that annoyance up to the fore, which is of course unreasonable. But was I reasonable to be upset at the time? I found it very hurtful to welcome someone into my home and for them to run my child who was struggling down to everyone at the table.

Would you have found this hurtful? And yes I know it was in the past etc etc but just curious.

OP posts:
bellinisurge · 15/03/2023 15:39

Very hurtful. I would probably bear a huge grudge but that wouldn't be a very sensible use of my emotional energy.

ExtraOnions · 15/03/2023 15:42

..but he was acting crazy, by your own admission.

What was actually said ? “Child was fucking nuts, chucking stuff around the place and screaming” or “Child was full of energy and running around” - they have very different meanings. It was probably a passing comment.

How can you even give this house room after such a length of time ?

ArdeteiMasazxu · 15/03/2023 15:44

I wouldn't assume that Jenny actually used such negative language. the other colleague could be a shitstirrer who heard the Jenny saying something more nuanced (eg "DarkD is having a tough time, her eldest was playing up a bit") and inferred "crazy" from that.

but Yabu to dwell on this years later

MyBloodyBrother · 15/03/2023 15:45

I was expecting this to be AIBU to fuck the king even though he’s still married to that old Spanish woman or something.

I can see how it might have upset you at the time as you had a new baby and we’re clearly stressed. Surely looking back on it you can see your 2 yo was acting like an overstimulated 2yo and your colleague mentioned that to your mutual friends. It’s normal conversation.

Cakecakecheese · 15/03/2023 15:48

I'm disappointed by this thread title as I was hoping it was something like was Henry VIII unreasonable 😂

I suppose it wasn't very nice of her to tell a group of people that but you weren't there so you don't know how the conversation actually went. There could have a been concern and sympathy. You really do need to let this go.

Fuckstix · 15/03/2023 15:49

Not very nice to hear so I've said YANBU but I wouldn't hold any hurt or hard feelings against Jenny as you weren't there. It could have been meant with affection and understanding and Martine didn't recount it with any tact.

MargaretThursday · 15/03/2023 15:49

I don't think crazy is that bad.

What actually happened also is relevant.

  1. Jenny walks in and saying "went round to Op's house to see the baby. Big brother's a right pain though. How she copes with that little brat is beyond me, he's absolutely crazy. I left as soon as I could because he was doing my head in. He's old enough to know better."
  2. In the middle of the conversation someone says "anyone heard from Op since she had the baby?" Jenny says "oh yes, I went round last week. Op's doing well and the baby is gorgeous." Response: "How's big brother taking it?" Jenny's reply "Oh, you know, it's tough for the bigger one isn't it? He was acting a bit crazy when I was round, bless him, but Op was brilliant, didn't let it phase her and I'm sure he'll soon love the baby. he's only little himself."

Very different situation.

Darkdiamond · 15/03/2023 17:05

I haven't seen Jenny in years but I remembered what happened yesterday when a friend suggestion came up on social media. I think at the time I'd had some kind of PND from the birth of my son and felt really protective of him. I think I never really knew if my feelings were connected to the PND or were valid. I know I'd never sit around a table and gossip about someone's child to the extent that that takeaway message was that they were 'crazy', a word I didn't use to describe my child.

Anyway, I have let it go. I just wanted to see what the aibu crew thought out of interest.it's not a biggie.

Thanks for the perspectives.

OP posts:
MissHoollie · 15/10/2023 21:40

Well it doesn't mean she was being nasty
You don't know how the conversation came about and played out .

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