To ask what to get a friend after miscarriage?

[Cinderellaspumpkin]

A friend has very sadly had a 10 week missed miscarriage diagnosed yesterday, ( pregnancy stopped developing at eight weeks).
The hospital have asked her to choose between surgery and pills at home over the next few days. Obviously a very , very sad time, ( she's been trying to conceive since her previous miscarriage, also ten weeks, two years ago).
I have a young baby, so am very aware she might understandably want some distance between us atm. I want to send something small in the post to show I'm thinking of her.
Would bath stuff, ( thinking a giftset from lush), chocolates, flowers or something completely different be best ?

I sent me friend a Sanctuary Spa set and a box of chocolates. She really appreciated it.

You sound like a lovely friend 😊

Personally I wouldn't go with Lush, she still might have some pregnancy symptoms such as aversion to smells, itchy skin etc. I also wouldn't get anything like wine, gin etc (I know you didn't suggest it, but just in case!) as it's a reminder she's no longer pregnant.

Chocolates and a card saying you can provide a listening ear when she needs it sounds lovely.

My friend sent me some magazines and an enormous amount of chocolate, it was much appreciated!

I’m not a beauty product lover but appreciated flowers and chocolate when it happened to me. The most important thing you can do is acknowledge it and how sad it is - I will always remember the friend who hugged me and said “I’m so sorry that you lost your baby”. Some avoided talking about it completely and I wanted to scream at those who made inappropriate comments.

You are a lovely friend.

My friend sent me flowers and chocolate, another friend sent a just eat voucher 🙂

Oh bless you. I’ve had four and it’s so shit. I’d have loved Lush stuff from my friend, but a PP points out that might not be good, I would personally have loved it though.

I got some lovely white roses. Then my friends got together and we had a cosy day indoors and we had a lunch! X

Having been there and done that, may I suggest you don’t send a present of any kind. It will seem trivial and meaningless no matter how kind and caring your intentions are.

What I really valued we’re the cards and notes I received. It gave me something tangible to keep that could be tucked away in a memory box or pulled out when I needed comfort. The formality of something arriving in the post also acknowledges the significance in the way a phone call doesn’t.

Please put in writing to your friend that you are thinking of her at this time and you are there for her if she wants to talk about the miscarriage or if she wants to about everything under the sun except miscarriages. Then call her as a follow up a few days later.

My friends sent me flowers and one sent me a resin necklace with forget me nots pressed into it. I loved both, the necklace was very special.

I got flowers from one friend and another sent me a figure like the one pictured with a little tea light.

Anything to acknowledge the miscarriage was treasured.

thats gutting 😔 my friend went through a similar thing, I sent her flowers the first time and felt I couldn’t send flowers the second time as I’d already done that and didn’t want it to seem like it was just a repeat of last time. Not that she’d have thought twice about what I sent in that situation likely! I sent a candle gift box set from a website called kindred fires

She also mentioned after that family had got her a Christmas tree decoration, I’m guessing a little angel or something, after each one and now she’s moved past the situation she really treasures having them

i was going to ask the same question actually, my friend is currently having a missed miscarriage at 13wks.

I know it's Mother's Day on Sunday and i am concerned that sending flowers/card in the next few days while she's miscarrying is terrible timing. Does anyone have any thoughts on that please? She has one DC already, so will likely get flowers on Sunday.

Yes one thing I was thinking of, was if getting body shop/ lush giftset making sure any mother's Day leaflets were removed.

Ok so, when this happened to me the second time I got sent flowers. I found the flowers quite annoying personally as it meant I had to do work. I had to cut the stems and find a vase and make sure I changed the water when actually I didn't want to do anything at all.

What WAS useful and highly appreciated were Cook vouchers. This meant that my husband and I could have a few nights were we didn't need to think about what we were eating. We could just choose a meal and pop it in the oven/microwave.

Anything that takes the pressure off daily living will be appreciated.

Jus to show how personal to each person it is, I would have hated that figurine when I had my MMC, but I do love the idea of the notes and letters.
I really appreciated people calling and texting to have a chat and see how I was.

Really, there is probably no right or wrong thing because you know your friend better than anyone on here, so trust what you think she'd appreciate most.

I agree with PP about food vouchers or whatever to give your friend and her DP a break from having to meal plan and cook.

Sometimes when you've had an emotional shock, mental energy/willpower to do something like meal planning/"proper cooking" goes out the window, so not having to do that will make it more likely she actually eats.

If you're very close, maybe offer to take her DC out for a bit so she can have space to process/cry and have a break from putting a brave face on for them?

As a PP said, its individual and you know your friend best. I'd have hated to receive a gift or flowers etc.... I don't like to be the centre of attention and I already felt really uncomfortable with people knowing about what had happened. Receiving gifts (no matter how well intentioned) would have ramped up my anxiety. I just wanted to be left alone.
I had 4 pregnancy losses so I think gifts would have become an awkward thing for everyone.
Having said that, I've sent flowers to a friend who MC because I knew she'd appreciate it. She was very open in talking about it and wanted to share her grief.

When I had a miscarriage, my friend left her toddler with her husband for a few hours, and visited with a big hug and something involving chocolate. I really appreciated that, but I realize you may not be able to leave your baby right now.

What I wanted most was for people to just check in! One friend made me a really thoughtful gift, but would be very outing to share, it was something just very personal to us and what we had nicknamed the baby with a little thing she had written and an I'm always here for you thing. Got loads of flowers, wasn't bothered in the slightest, I'm now nearing what would have been my due date and finding it hard, only 2 friends still check in, they're the real ones! Your time and listening is the best thing you can give

Have a look at www.arlokeepsakes.com

The have a beautiful range for baby loss. You are a beautiful soul and if only more people were like you.

I wouldn’t do the bath stuff, you can’t really have baths until you’ve finished bleeding after a miscarriage and while I know that it comes from a good place, I’d you’d sent it to me after one of my miscarriages I’d have been in such a bad place that I’d have thought you were a clueless insensitive bitch and I’d have cut you off. You have no idea how angry miscarriage makes you at the world.

Write a note to let her know you’re thinking of her and you’re there for her but leave it at that. I’d have dumped anything anyone got me because I wouldn’t want the constant reminder.

To be honest I wouldn’t send her anything except a card with kind sentiments in it.