to be worried about DH travelling close to due date?

[GavisconIsMyDrugOfChoice]

I'm 37 weeks pregnant with baby no 2. DH and I agreed this was his last week of travel for work but due to strikes he's had meetings cancelled that apparently need to be re-arranged to be in person next week. I'm worried about going into labour early and the practicalities of being left on my own with DC1 but I'm not sure whether I'm over-reacting or if DH is being a over-optimistic!

DS is nearly 2 and we have no local support - my nearest help is DH's brother (90 mins away) and my lovely, but elderly neighbour who could collect DS from nursery but would struggle to have him for more than an hour. It would take DH at least 3 hours to get back from work.

I'm also really suffering from SPD so just being left alone with DS is a struggle. For example, after getting him up and to nursery this morning I couldn't properly lift my feet to change my shoes. I'm doing physio to help but have been told to rest which just isn't an option. DH is doing probably 90% of things when he's home because of this but feels responsible to his company and clients to get everything sorted before he goes on paternity leave so sees these meetings as unavoidable.

Would you expect DH to stay local? And if your DH/partner worked away close to your due date, what back-ups did you have in place?

Can some of these meetings be done online? Not necessarily from home, but from the local office?
Would anyone at your DS’s nursery be willing and able to babysit him until your H can make it back if you go into early labour while your H is away. - good question to ask the manager next time you are dropping off/picking up. It will help that you already know what days/times your H will be away and that it’s just a case of 3 hours or even 90minutes until family can reach you.

Some could be done online, but not all (site inspections etc) so if he's away for one meeting in the day he may as well be away for all. He does have colleagues that could cover but it would be asking them to finish his work before he started pat leave.

I hadn't thought of the nursery, thank you. I'll ask the question at pick up today and hope that could be an option.

You need a plan B to give you a peace of mind.
What week did your DC1 arrive?
How long was your labour then?

My mother came to stay with me when DH was out of the country.
PILs were 90 minutes away

When I went into labour my neighbour took my toddler.. wasn't prearranged, she found out I was having a home birth with a toddler at home.

How far away does he work?

I can’t imagine that many employers being that accommodating for him not wanting to carry out his job fully for several weeks potentially before his paternity leave.

I guess you could discuss him taking 2 weeks annual leave but obviously keep in mind it won’t be there when the baby is young.

Yes, plan B (and even C & D) is definitely what I need!

DC1 came late but it was a highly medicalised birth due to health issues that were spotted in pregnancy so by this stage I was on multiple hospital appts a week.

This time DC2 is healthy, I've hardly seen my midwife(!) but have been told she's been engaged in position since 35 weeks, plus I've been having Braxton Hicks for at least a month.

I think my worry is my friend who was similar with DC1 (induction, long labour) ended up having a ridiculously quick labour with her DC2 so I'm nervous that might end up being me this time.

I've already accepted that I could be at the hospital on my own if DH has to look after DC1 until family arrive, but it's the thought of it happening whilst he's away that's got me worried!

I'd prefer my DH to rearrange if possible.

If not, he should be looking for alternatives too for childcare- it's not just 'your problem' to sort this.

What is it you are suggesting he should do?

You could be pregnant for another 5 weeks. He's only 3 hours away. He can't work from home. He is going to take 2 weeks off when the baby is born. What do you actually expect him to do?

He can do about 90% of his job remotely, but there are annual site visits that can take him across the country. He arranged his diary to get all of them finished by this week, but there's been two impacted by weather and strikes - one near Glasgow, one London area, we're Yorkshire. By rights, these shouldn't be his clients but the company has vacancies so he's doing them a favour by completing them whilst they recruit.

I simultaneously admire him being conscientious whilst being frustrated that he isn't telling them they're taking the piss (the Glasgow client has been a vacancy over a year now for example).

If there are only a couple, can he do them but make sure they finish by e.g. 2pm so that he can get back in time for nursery pick up if you end up in hospital? Then he could make up any extra hours at home etc.

I totally agree about it possibly being 5 weeks - that's why I don't really know how to react.

Ideally I'd like him to pull in a favour from a colleague to cover the Glasgow one, but that's because last time he was up there it took him over 6 hours to get home!

Perhaps try to find other ways of solving the problem, by paying for help if necessary, rather than expecting your husband's colleagues to do his job for him for 6 weeks?

We made daycare aware they may be needed at short notice and asked local childminder to cover nights if needed

Gently, you knew this was his job before you got pregnant. You know he has to travel. You're only 37 weeks, you could not give birth for another month! You can't really expect him to not fulfill his job for 1/12th of this year 'just incase' you go into labour.

I'm afraid you just need to call him as soon as you think something is happening and have as many back ups as possible for care of DC1.

You're not unreasonable to want him not to travel, but you are unreasonable to expect him not to. Doing as much virtual as possible then travelling for as short a time as possible for visits would be a good compromise.

I think the paid help is going to be key, I'm totally open to it but just don't have anyone that's recommended.

When we realised about the possible labour alone we researched it and asked friends but they all use family and there's not really the type of services around here that I see available in London when I google. Hopefully nursery will have someone that will want to earn some extra!

You can't really expect him to not fulfill his job for 1/12th of this year 'just incase' you go into labour.

This is a really good point, I hadn't thought of it in those terms.

I'm normally such a coper but I had a wobble this morning because he'd got things so well planned out to mean he could work from the Yorkshire office for the rest of the pregnancy. Then this morning he gets to London, finds out one of his meetings has been cancelled and needs to be arranged for next week, then gets a call from his Glasgow client to do the same. And then I basically couldn't take off my shoes because of the SPD and just started crying (pathetic I know).

I suggest you make sure you have cover rota'd for the next month, that everyone knows who is on the rota when, which nights you expect them to have their phone on and stay sober. Make sure they know all the important info (how the heating works, hospital location and parking/travel routes, car seat for our DC, your current DC's routines and favourite breakfast, keys etc) If it's all written down, everyone has it, and it's printed out and stuck on the fridge then everyone will be much happier. Make sure your main bag is packed and a backup one too.

You will feel much better with that in place

The rota is a great idea - OP, on the two days your DH will be 3 hours away, maybe you could have relatives visiting? If you don’t go into labour it can still be nice - playing with DC1, nice lunch/dinner and chatting about the new baby.

It’s a really vulnerable time and we can’t help how we feel. Not long now 😊
(I have a 6mo baby and still remember those days of heavy pregnancy).

So there is an element of choice in all this, he doesn't actually have to do these visits, there're not part of his actual job, he just wants to be seen as being onside. He can just say no, or rearrange for later on in the year. He's been very helpful to his employers but it's time for someone else to pick up the slack.

He could say, "sorry, my wife is pregnant, just about full-term, so I can't be more than an hour away from home until after the baby is born."
I think some men think that they can't let the fact that a baby is due/born impact on their work at all, that employers should never be inconvenienced. In fact , he could take dependent's leave to look after your toddler if you can't, your children are the responsibility of you both, not just him.

I think he doesn't quite get how incapacitated you are, so you need to show him. Don't soldier on, go to bed.

I think some men think that they can't let the fact that a baby is due/born impact on their work at all, that employers should never be inconvenienced.

Yes, I think there's definitely an element of this in the whole thing which is skewing my feelings on the matter.

I am also normally very pragmatic and a coper but the SPD has made me feel way more vulnerable and maybe DH hasn't really appreciated quite how bad it is. That's because when he's there to pick up the slack it's not as much of an issue, but for example, last week when he was away for two days overnight I ended up taking 10 minutes to get upstairs by the end of the day and it scared me tbh.

The idea for a rota is definitely a good one, I will try to find something I can do. I am still working though (thankfully from home due to SPD) and we don't have any family or friends that we can rope in apart from DBIL and the neighbour I've already mentioned. I'll feel more in control though if I've got things planned out as a minimum and a couple of emergency back up options.

Quite a lot of local nursery staff do evenings as babysitters - they tend to be more expensive than your local teen, but then they’re vastly more experienced.

Even if they don’t themselves, they might know people who could.

Thank you so much for the suggestion of asking nursery. I spoke to them this afternoon at pick up and have lots of people who'd be happy to help including DS's keyworker so feeling a lot more sorted now.

I'll discuss with DH tonight but think I'll suggest having DS's keyworker to babysit one night so she knows the layout / routine and then we can use her as back up if needed. Feeling a lot calmer now!