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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Upsetting unplanned pregnancy very messy circumstances.

4 replies

TraumaForTea · 14/03/2023 23:52

I got pregnant at 15 and obviously the relationship didn’t work out due to our ages and our parents really thought keeping us apart was for the best. That baby is now 15.

When I was 18 I met a lovely safe partner who I married and went on to have children with. There were cracks from the start but I ignored them for the security of having someone to love me I guess, I’m sure many can say they’re guilty of that.

I could always tell that he loved our children more then my first and it caused issues and arguments which meant that eventually we broke up after going through a miscarriage and he had moved the gateposts for trying again and I never really got over that.

He moved out and we coparent well, we are in contact a lot and it was on a nice steady ground.

Unfortunately me being the childhood abandonment issues mess that I am along with my PTSD and trauma from ages 15-18, I couldn’t cope with being alone and stupidly had a one night stand with my first child’s father 12 days ago.

I had a positive FRER this morning, that is the only sex I have had. I am so afraid to terminate, I don’t know what to do. This baby is probably a bad idea, but it doesn’t stop me wanting it. But I know I can’t…

I have been open and honest with the father and said that I am pregnant, he has said ‘shit was already fucked before this, I don’t know what you want me to say’ - I said just some form of reassurance I guess really and got ‘I’m a bit gone at the moment, I don’t know how to reassure you’

Aibu just to ask for some helpful something because I’m sat sobbing in the bath and I’m so scared.

OP posts:
WhyCantYourPartnerDoIt · 14/03/2023 23:56

Why are you scared of a termination?

If you want the baby, have the baby, that is absolutely your choice. But terminations, in almost all cases are 10 times safer than pregnancy.

TraumaForTea · 15/03/2023 00:01

I guess it’s not the termination that scares me itself, but the regret of knowing that I could have had a baby in 37 weeks. But the truth is, I’d be alone in every aspect and the baby would deserve more.

OP posts:
Toobusytowee · 15/03/2023 00:01

You don’t have to make a decision straight away. Take a bit of time to think it through. You are in a good position, in that you found out very early so time is on your side. Let the shock sink in, talk to your closest friend and see about getting some help from a professional to help you think through the issues. Concentrate on what is going to be best for you but do not put too much pressure on yourself to work it all out straight away.

Ponoka7 · 15/03/2023 00:04

Think about your other children, they deserve more as well, especially your first.

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