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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

3 year old and toilet nursery / teacher

7 replies

sinlet · 14/03/2023 17:25

3 year old has been at a new preschool since January and has found it difficult to go to the toilet there since she started. She withholds and doesn't really have accidents. ( at the beginning she had a few accidents ).

At the beginning they took her constantly apparently ( I think that was too much pressure for her tbh ) that's not how I potty trained her and pressure doesn't work for her.

Recently I went to pick her up and asked how it's going and they said she's still not really doing it and her key worker said that she was going to make an effort to give her more to drink today - which should encourage her to go to the loo. She then said that she noticed the day before that when she was given a drink by her, she really drank a lot. It sounded a bit like she was saying that they hadn't noticed that she needed to drink more and were going to make an effort to give her more to drink... she had a few accidents when she started, but doesn't seem to be having accidents anymore. So I'm a little bit worried she's not drinking enough there. At pick up when I ask if she went to the toilet, the teachers seem a bit flustered and annoyed that I asked, so they kind of look at each other and no one really knows. It's not been ideal and I've stopped asking because they made me feel uncomfortable for asking. Pick up is quick and there's no handover.

The other day my DD said she needed the toilet as we were walking to the car after pick up. So I went back into the nursery where one of the teachers showed us to the toilet. My DD happily sat down, but when she realised the teacher was there, she became tense and wanted to get off the toilet. I told her gently to stay on and she eventually did her business.

She seemed very tense once she saw the teacher. I'm not at all saying it's the teacher's fault, but my DD is quite sensitive around the toilet thing. My mum once was a bit brash with her about going to the toilet and it took her a long time to trust my mum to take her again / be around her in the loo.

I'm really the only person she comes to and tells me that she needs to go to the toilet. I take her there and wait until she's finished and clean her up etc.

I'm just trying to make it easier on my DD to learn to go at nursery. What can I do ? I'm quite concerned she'll never go there as they've stressed her / put pressure on. My mum managed to get her trust back by being silly with her and she eventually was comfortable going with her if it was needed.

I'm also a bit concerned about the nursery not having time to tell me if she's gone / not knowing. Is that expecting too much ? I'm also a bit concerned they're not giving her anything to drink. Or limiting it. I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable or they are or no one is.

OP posts:
Excited101 · 14/03/2023 17:31

Could you go in for a couple of days to help support the toiletting? You could take her the first day every time, the teacher could give the praise each time when you come out. Then maybe the next day, you could both take her? Something like that should really help

Original poster
sinlet · 14/03/2023 18:55

Excited101 · 14/03/2023 17:31

Could you go in for a couple of days to help support the toiletting? You could take her the first day every time, the teacher could give the praise each time when you come out. Then maybe the next day, you could both take her? Something like that should really help

I haven't suggested that and neither have they. I'm not sure they'd be comfortable with me there all day ? I would love to do it ! Would it be weird to ask ?

OP posts:
jessycake · 14/03/2023 19:33

Are the toilets somehow less private ? or that she was comfortable with everyone at her old setting and now she is reluctant to go in front of other people .

Original poster
sinlet · 14/03/2023 19:41

jessycake · 14/03/2023 19:33

Are the toilets somehow less private ? or that she was comfortable with everyone at her old setting and now she is reluctant to go in front of other people .

She wasn't really trained at old setting yet properly. She was just learning and withholding there and also at home. Then she had a bit longer than a month of being at home with me where she cracked the potty training and then started at the new nursery.

OP posts:
WorkOfTheDevil · 14/03/2023 20:02

My 4 year old was exactly like this! She wouldn't go in public toilets. She wouldn't go at nursery but wouldn't have accidents either and didn't seem uncomfortable. She just doesn't pee all that often! Plus, she also doesn't drink gallons of water like other kids seem to. The nursery used to make a big fuss about it and take her constantly to the toilet etc. I was always pretty sure that if she needed to go, she would. They eventually stepped back.

She's been at the nursery just over a year and she just started randomly using the toilet there a few weeks ago. Just of her own accord.

You might just need to wait till she's ready.

MorganKitten · 14/03/2023 20:32

Excited101 · 14/03/2023 17:31

Could you go in for a couple of days to help support the toiletting? You could take her the first day every time, the teacher could give the praise each time when you come out. Then maybe the next day, you could both take her? Something like that should really help

They wouldn’t let a parent stay all day, this isn’t fair on the other children.

Excited101 · 14/03/2023 22:13

They may well do, toiletting is really important and it quite well wouldn’t take that long in total. Settling in sessions can sometimes take a while- this is just a toilet settling in session.

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