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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My daughters behaviour

50 replies

Isitjustmethenhey · 14/03/2023 16:46

Please can someone tell me if this seems *Nirmal/typical behaviour for an almost 5 year old.
At the weekend, I went for a quick shopping trip with Dd. As a treat we stopped at a coffee shop and she had a small drink, we used to do this when she was younger and she sat well and still. She was lying all over the sofa, laughing crazily, I was asking her to please sit up and sit nicely in a cafe etc. I ended up just hurrying and leaving. We went to a clothes shop to quickly pick some leggings up for her, she was trying to crawl around the shop and lick the mirror, saying she was pretending to be a dog. I ended up rushing through the shopping. Later on in the car she was fine and in another shop she was ok.
She goes through periods of this behaviour where she almost uncontrollably silly and I can’t get her to focus.
Is this normal and I’m expecting too much of her?
It just feels every little thing is so difficult with her sometimes

OP posts:
evemillbank · 14/03/2023 21:42

Sounds like she was just having fun. Or trying to

carpool · 14/03/2023 21:58

I think it's fairly normal. DGD is 5 and we babysit quite a bit. Some days she is an absolute delight and others is really hard work. I think you just have to take the rough with the smooth and hope they grow out of it soon!

houseofcardss · 14/03/2023 22:21

My friend sometimes gets asked to leave because her 5 year old doing silly stuff in cafes etc and even her 3 year old behaves better. He is normal at home and in other settings but I guess in public in a cafe when he loves it, he just gets over excited.

JudgeRudy · 14/03/2023 23:14

I don't think you're unreasonable to have found this behaviour a bit unsettling but unfortunately I'd guess that's what made it even more fun. I'm middle-aged now but my inner child secretly loves it when I induce pearl clutching. As long as she genuinely seemed to be having fun I wouldn't worry too much about it just ensure you have reasonable boundaries where enough is enough.
If however she seems disturbed I'd consider the environment. Cafes have lots of 'clinky' noises (cutlery, plates) plus harsh lighting. There's coffee machines hissing and chrome legged chairs scrathing on flooring....pretty high impact sensory overload. I'm not implying she has 'issues' but it's a lot and what you're asking her to do is....nothing....just sit there quietly....but all the signals are telling her head and body want to 'do' something. So could be clanking her spoon, slurping her milkshake, squeezing a sachet....or rolling around! Next stop Primark....yah I'm free....let's run about for a bit.....car....familiar safe space, Mum's relaxed....so is she.

Original poster
Isitjustmethenhey · 14/03/2023 23:27

@JudgeRudy Thank you, interesting feedback…this is my worry, if it’s possibly something sensory. She definitely doesn’t get upset, she just looks almost out of it with silliness, if that makes sense. I love to see her happy and having fun, but it’s almost like she’s out of control. She starts to drink in a silly way…she was putting her head down to the cup and trying to drink like a dog etc. Surely I should be teaching her how to sit and drink properly, I’m all for fun but 😬

OP posts:
Original poster
Isitjustmethenhey · 14/03/2023 23:29

@JudgeRudy The thing I find confusing is she wasn’t like this when younger and at 3 was able to sit there and have a little drink then go

OP posts:
JudgeRudy · 15/03/2023 00:02

Isitjustmethenhey · 14/03/2023 23:27

@JudgeRudy Thank you, interesting feedback…this is my worry, if it’s possibly something sensory. She definitely doesn’t get upset, she just looks almost out of it with silliness, if that makes sense. I love to see her happy and having fun, but it’s almost like she’s out of control. She starts to drink in a silly way…she was putting her head down to the cup and trying to drink like a dog etc. Surely I should be teaching her how to sit and drink properly, I’m all for fun but 😬

@Isitjustmethenhey I can see you're concerned not just about her behaviour that day but could there be other factors at play. I didn't want to minimise your concern because you know her and it sounds a bit more extreme than silliness.
However....I don't think you need to be thinking about special needs etc. It's just an overwhelming day. The things you've described are normal but you sense your daughter behaved this way less out if delight and more out of 'necessity'. She probably is a little over sensitive....and? You just need to guide her when she doesn't know what to do with herself and give her grounding/distracting techniques. It's no different to having a child who's a 'fussy eater' or 'gets carc sickness'. You just factor that in. You'll be delighting in her ways at the next school play!

Imenti · 15/03/2023 00:07

My almost 5 year old boy is exactly the same - hiding in the clothes in the shop, playing hide and seek (or attempting too!), up and down all the time in a cafe. He is also used to going out for a drink / lunch in a cafe but can't seem to sit still very long, I think it's just their age! We take his backpack now with mini colouring, a popper toy, a couple of small games, and a couple of books to keep him entertained!

notangelinajolie · 15/03/2023 00:08

You aren't being unreasonable OP, I wouldn't have been comfortable if my kids behaved like this either. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for being the parent.

Imenti · 15/03/2023 00:08

Also to add - I have experienced him trying to lap his hot chocolate up like a dog!! 🙄🙄

Yayyayitsaholiholiday · 15/03/2023 00:11

I can remember being a child and pretending to be a dog lapping up drinks/eating food off the plate directly with my mouth!
In my mind I sort of actually was a dog, not just pretending……… I have a very vivid imagination.
She’s only 5 and this is very normal. Clearly not good manners in a cafe to lap your drink, but give her opportunities to play like this at home.
Many times we kids put saucers of milk on the kitchen floor and lapped them all up! It’s fun!!!!

LuvSmallDogs · 15/03/2023 00:19

Not great behaviour, but she's 5, got bored with cafe and clothes shopping and got hyper and annoying. I wouldn't have been happy with the mirror licking, but pretending to be an animal or robot or whatever isn't the end of the world as long as they're not unbearably loud, under people's feet or wrecking the joint.

I recall that at a similar age, my BFF and I decided we were snakes, laid on our bellies and licked each other's tongues because "that's how snakes talk". Our mothers were quite unimpressed.

Rinkydinkydoodle · 15/03/2023 00:31

Would you believe me if I said the day will soon come that you’ll miss the utterly bonkers behaviour🥲

I know it’s different when you’re the parent and it’s embarrassing when they’re licking shop fittings etc but I love how little kids act like they’re high. As long as she’s not ignoring you 100% of the time and endangering herself or others, she sounds like a rambunctious five year old, and crucially, she seems very happy and full of life.

Rinkydinkydoodle · 15/03/2023 00:34

Also could it have been the sugar? DH reminded me that DS used to go insane if he had a drink and a cake, like some sort of mania came over him.

threeplusmum · 15/03/2023 00:43

My eldest has just turned 4, this is the kind of behaviour she can exhibit on occasion. Let's just pray they grow out of it. Can't wait till she's an older child tbh.

Rainallnight · 15/03/2023 07:43

I’ve been thinking about this and I wonder if some of it is you getting used to her being in a different stage now.

I find when my kids move on from one stage to another I have to go through a period of adjustment. I need to get my head around ‘oh, this is what they’re like now’ and ‘this is what they need from me’. It’s like changing your car - takes a while to get used to. It sounds a bit like you might be missing her toddler/three year old stage?

My DD is 6 now and I confess I’m not loving what I’m calling ‘the Poo and Pokémon’ years. She’s still herself, just in a different stage.

Itsmyturnnow1 · 15/03/2023 07:47

Normal. My nearly 5yo is the same. Hates shops of any type… I have to bribe him to go.. I take colouring and books if we go for coffee as he won’t concentrate for long. Food shopping is him in trolley looking at the toy section first (we don’t buy anything) a snack then usually my phone to watch something if it takes too long! He hasn’t got a great attention span but neither did I at his age! I think it’s a sign of intelligence to a degree… they want more stimulation.. all of the time! Also I blame lockdown when he was home with me and I constantly entertained him, now he struggles to entertain himself! So I have to make myself leave him and tell him to play on his own!

Kids are annoying and hard work at times but it’s normal!

Original poster
Isitjustmethenhey · 15/03/2023 08:30

Thank you everyone 🙏
I actually feel guilty as maybe I’m expecting too much and yes, I will miss the young, silly stage when she’s grown 😢
As ridiculous as it sounds, it just feels like there’s silly, then there’s *Silly or almost out of control as she occasionally is

OP posts:
parrotonmyshoulder · 15/03/2023 08:39

Sounds very normal. Doesn’t mean you have to ‘let her’ though. You can say eg ‘sit up now and drink your hot chocolate’ or ‘In cafes we sit nicely because we don’t want to disturb other customers’. Or point out that it’s rude to the serving staff.
What were you doing in the cafe? Chatting to her, or doing your own thing? Four is very young to just sit quietly and enjoy a drink.
You might enjoy the ‘Incredible Years’ parenting course. Local childrens centre might offer it.

MistyFrequencies · 15/03/2023 08:50

I was out the other day with a bunch of 5 year olds & their mums and one of the kids just started licking a window. In my head i was like, what the fuck? But every other mum said their kid is currently always pretending to be a cat or a dog and licking everything. Which makes me think its normal enough behaviour that your daughter is showimg.

ImustLearn2Cook · 15/03/2023 08:51

I remember when I worked with kinder age (3-5yr olds) kids and they have so much energy, creativity, imagination and would do and say some incredibly funny and outlandish things. It’s like an explosion of creativity, exploration and experimentation. They are developing their sense of humour too. It’s one of my favourite age groups to work with. @Isitjustmethenhey your daughter sounds awesome.

Does your shopping centre have kids play areas?

sweetcornfeta · 15/03/2023 09:59

I took my five year old to hairdresser the other day and she was leaping all over their sofa. Roly poly, scissor kicks, hanging upside down. All while we waited 5 mins for the appt

sweetcornfeta · 15/03/2023 10:03

This thread is making me smile 😃

Five is such a brilliant age. Ill be sad when my child is a morose tween

Briallen · 15/03/2023 10:05

Definitely normal. Mine is 7 and still pretends to be a cat. It’s quite annoying 😂 but maybe I’ll miss it when she’s a teen

WeeOrcadian · 15/03/2023 11:16

My 8 Yr old has been pretending to be a cat, on and off, for the last 3 years...... It's normal

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