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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give Gran something on Mother's Day?

53 replies

SidSparrow · 14/03/2023 11:32

We are having My Dad and his wife round this Sunday for DS birthday. But with it being Mother's Day I feel obliged to get something from the Grandchildren for their Gran, my Step-mother. She is a good Gran, but was a rubbish step-mother. So I'm really on the fence. We are a bit skint this month so can't really afford anything to be honest. But at the same time I wouldn't want her to feel hurt. Do other Grans get Mother's Day cards and gifts for being Grans?

OP posts:
Comefromaway · 14/03/2023 12:24

In our house the present would come from the child /step-child, not a grandchild.

premicrois · 14/03/2023 12:26

What have you done in previous years?

TeaGinandFags · 14/03/2023 12:27

GMOOH2023 · 14/03/2023 11:56

Why would you get her anything. She's not their mother (or yours)

Do other Grans get Mother's Day cards and gifts for being Grans?

No. The clue is in the actual name of the day.

I would think it very odd if I received anything from my grand children for Mother's Day.

I give Mum stuff from the cats bc she buys them cat treats once a week abd bc my kids are ignorant pigs.

DH slso ys stuff for me ftom the cats for similar reasons.

And bc we are mad. It's not a serious time of year.

Lulu1919 · 14/03/2023 12:27

It's Mother's Day
So I'd give to my mum
My parents would give gifts to their mums ( my grandmothers )
I never have given to a gran and nor did my children

roseopose · 14/03/2023 12:36

No from me. I was really close to my Granny but I still never gave her anything on mother's day because she wasn't my mother! My own mum would give a card etc to her. I showed my appreciation for her at other times like her birthday and Christmas. I find the concept quite bizarre to be honest.

WelHong · 14/03/2023 12:38

I would be encouraging my grandchildren to do something nice for their mum, not for me!

DCxx · 14/03/2023 12:41

I’d usually get a card or small thing from my son to my mum but only because she does so much for us/him. My husband’s mum doesn’t do anything to help us or ever make the effort to see him so we haven’t ever got her anything from my son. I don’t even think my husband gets her anything most years 🙈 I think it’s an ‘extra’ thing that is totally optional depending on what you usually do

GMOOH2023 · 14/03/2023 13:03

@TeaGinandFags

Obviously I get something from the cat. Thought that went without saying. 😎

Laquila · 14/03/2023 14:37

FWIW I always used to get my grandma a card and a small gift on Mother's Day - I didn't think it was that unusual tbh. She was a mother in my family and a very beloved matriarch, I guess. I also send messages to my aunts on Mother's Day, for various reasons - some of them won't get an acknowledgement from their own kids, or don't have grandchildren and might feel lonely that day otherwise. Of course I also get my own mum a card and present. But as other PPs have said, it's very much dependent on what you usually do - I don't think there's a right answer.

bananaboats · 14/03/2023 15:09

No I wouldn't get anything. Is there a reason she would be expecting something?

RB68 · 14/03/2023 15:35

Maybe something from you like the daffs or tulips pretty inexpensive even in sains 2,95. I would let the kids do pictures or some random "art" for her - don't get them into the loop of buying presents as you say at the end of the day you are buying them not the kids and it gets expensive.

With the flowers debag them and tie up with some brown paper and a bit of hessian string to be "handtied" maybe 1x tulips 1 x daffs and if you can a couple of greenery branches, I am lucky I can swipe something from the garden.

katiewil · 14/03/2023 15:41

SidSparrow · 14/03/2023 11:32

We are having My Dad and his wife round this Sunday for DS birthday. But with it being Mother's Day I feel obliged to get something from the Grandchildren for their Gran, my Step-mother. She is a good Gran, but was a rubbish step-mother. So I'm really on the fence. We are a bit skint this month so can't really afford anything to be honest. But at the same time I wouldn't want her to feel hurt. Do other Grans get Mother's Day cards and gifts for being Grans?

I buy for my mum off me and my dds.. she's a very hands on nan and we are insanely close, plus she does a lot for me through out the year..
she also buys me stuff off my dds.. she takes my dd shopping to pick what she wants.. every family is different though

Dartmoorcheffy · 14/03/2023 15:49

Would it really hurt to give a bunch of daffs and a handmade card?

I really don't get all the attitude on here about mothers day. How about just enjoying it as a day when all the adult women in the family are celebrated, wether they are a mum, an aunt, a gran, a stepmum. Nobody needs an expensive gift, just a token of appreciation for being an important part of the family.

Mothers day is really just another hallmark occasion to most people and barely resembles its origins from centuries ago.

maddy68 · 14/03/2023 15:52

She's your step mum...would it kill you to buy her a bunch of daffs?

GMOOH2023 · 14/03/2023 16:14

maddy68 · 14/03/2023 15:52

She's your step mum...would it kill you to buy her a bunch of daffs?

She's your step mum...

but was a rubbish step-mother

We are a bit skint this month so can't really afford anything to be honest.

Well obviously it wouldn't "kill" her, but if they can't really afford anything then it would be absurd to spend money on flowers for someone who isn't actually their Mum and wasn't a very good step-mother.

ComeTheFckOnBridget · 14/03/2023 16:15

It's mother's day for grandmother's day.

ComeTheFckOnBridget · 14/03/2023 16:15

ComeTheFckOnBridget · 14/03/2023 16:15

It's mother's day for grandmother's day.

*NOT

maddy68 · 14/03/2023 16:22

I honestly couldn't make a fuss of my mum. With my step mum there having nothing .. that's bloody rude

She may have been a rubbish one but she's good enough to invest to your child's birthday party

I can never understand the pettiness levels on Mumsnet.

ToughOleBird · 14/03/2023 16:29

Why would you get her anything? She ain’t your mom, or the kids gran. Isn’t there a grandparents day 🤔

ToughOleBird · 14/03/2023 16:36

maddy68 · 14/03/2023 16:22

I honestly couldn't make a fuss of my mum. With my step mum there having nothing .. that's bloody rude

She may have been a rubbish one but she's good enough to invest to your child's birthday party

I can never understand the pettiness levels on Mumsnet.

@maddy68 It wasn’t you who the SM was rubbish to was it? She’s only being nice to the kids because the old bat’s getting older & hopes that they’ll care for her in her old age.

Treat yourself to something nice for yourself OP, she deserves nothing from you.

GiraffeLaSophie · 14/03/2023 16:56

It all depends on what’s the norm in your family. If you don’t normally get her something then absolutely no reason to start now, especially as things are tight this month. If you do normally get her something then I imagine she will be upset to not get anything this year.

I always thought it was normal to get something for grandparents, I didn’t realise until I read all the (faux) confused posts on various threads on here that so many people didn’t.

highlyrecommendit · 14/03/2023 21:44

We don't give gifts to our parents from our son for mothers or Father's Day. We're his parents, they are ours. We give a card and token gift and put all of our names on the card but absolutely don't buy grandparent cards or gifts. I really don't understand why people do.
Dh's siblings however do, and I think it's just weird.

AnneButNotHathaway · 15/03/2023 06:29

A handmade card from kids or a Mother's day video and flowers would be enough, I think. We don't do big gifts on Mothers day 👀

EmmaDilemma5 · 15/03/2023 06:34

Have I missed something?

It's not grandmother day or women's day. It's Mother's Day. Is she any of your mum's? No? Then no, no gift required.

Snowontheblow · 15/03/2023 06:40

She is literally going to be a guest in your house though, on Mother's Day.
A card from her step daughter would be a perfectly normal thing to do in this situation.
If she is too awful for a card I don't think you should be having her round.