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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave it all to solicitor, family court?

52 replies

monsterradeliciosa · 14/03/2023 11:14

I've had an application to family court that has caused me great distress. I dealt with all the papers myself up to recently when my legal aid came through and the solicitor took over. I drafted, redrafted, gathered evidence for, and agonised over my C1A with no help whatsoever.

Now it's time to submit a longer statement and solicitor has taken the reigns. It feels both relieving and anxiety inducing because it's so important I feel so strange relinquishing control to someone else. At the same time it nearly finished me off working with the C1A whilst being a mother and working full-time.

The solicitor is saying it doesn't matter if my statement is late, the court don't care, but it feels so wrong to me to miss court deadlines.

They haven't sent it to me and it was due today.

Should I carry on taking control or let them do their thing? On the one hand this cannot go wrong, everything must be put across properly and only I can really do that as I know the ins and outs of what happened. On the other I am drained to the point of mental and physical exhaustion.

I'm waiting for counselling, on anxiety medication, but this whole thing is about to finish me off.

Is my solicitor right, or do they just not give a crap?

OP posts:
Lovelyveg82 · 14/03/2023 11:16

no way would I miss the deadline

why?

prolonging the drama and upset. I would want this progressed and sorted asap. Missing a deadline just extends the agony

Lovelyveg82 · 14/03/2023 11:17

The solicitor said it “doesn’t matter” if you miss the deadline? Really?

Original poster
monsterradeliciosa · 14/03/2023 11:20

Lovelyveg82 · 14/03/2023 11:17

The solicitor said it “doesn’t matter” if you miss the deadline? Really?

Yes, the deadline to file my statement. The hearing is not until later in April.

They also told me in the beginning it didn't matter if I filed my acknowledgement late, which I filed on time of course as I was not represented by them at that point.

OP posts:
Original poster
monsterradeliciosa · 14/03/2023 11:21

It won't prolong the case at all, it will just be later than in my court order. But yes I agree it seems very off but they are a large firm of specialist family law solicitors.

Perhaps it's due to me being legal aid?

OP posts:
Lovelyveg82 · 14/03/2023 11:21

You miss your deadline

the hearing date will be pushed back too

Nothing to be gained from missing the deadline op

Nevermind31 · 14/03/2023 11:22

Get a new solicitor

Original poster
monsterradeliciosa · 14/03/2023 11:23

Nevermind31 · 14/03/2023 11:22

Get a new solicitor

Not easy with legal aid.
It won't push the deadline back as the deadline is a few weeks after both statements are due in.

OP posts:
Original poster
monsterradeliciosa · 14/03/2023 11:24

Lovelyveg82 · 14/03/2023 11:21

You miss your deadline

the hearing date will be pushed back too

Nothing to be gained from missing the deadline op

I don't want that to happen via underhand tactics, which this would look like to me if I was a judge.

But the hearing date being pushed back would concern me not one iota since this is an application for contact that I do not one bit agree to nor do I want said contact to commence one moment sooner than it would have to as it would be detrimental to my child.

OP posts:
Original poster
monsterradeliciosa · 14/03/2023 11:25

I've emailed solicitor to ask that they meet the deadline.

OP posts:
Lovelyveg82 · 14/03/2023 11:33

Ah ok. So this isn’t something you want.

judges aren’t thick. If you don’t want contact and you miss deadlines… they will not be impressed

Original poster
monsterradeliciosa · 14/03/2023 11:38

Lovelyveg82 · 14/03/2023 11:33

Ah ok. So this isn’t something you want.

judges aren’t thick. If you don’t want contact and you miss deadlines… they will not be impressed

This was my thinking!
Hence I never did, and yes I agree it's strange my solicitor is saying this but she has 20 years' experience and does not seem thick herself.

OP posts:
Original poster
monsterradeliciosa · 14/03/2023 11:39

The way it works is the judge will see both statements end of this month, so mine being late would probably trigger his solicitor to send his late, then the judge could potentially see the form late, but this is not a given.

There is also a few weeks before the hearing and the judge may not even look at the forms until a week or so after his statement is due. So they could be speaking the truth based on their experience.

Still, I do not want to miss court deadlines because why would I?! I will push for the deadline to be met but as yet no response from solicitor. I will just have to send my own version if they do not comply.

OP posts:
Chocolatetadpole · 14/03/2023 11:40

When's the next Court Hearing? Does the other party need to respond to your statement? I wouldn't be comfortable filing late either, maybe your solicitor is banking on there being a decent gap between filing and hearing. People do file late regularly, it's not ideal and if you're chasing your solicitor and they're a bit blasé I can see how it would make you anxious.

Chocolatetadpole · 14/03/2023 11:41

Ah sorry OP we cross posted and I missed your update.

Original poster
monsterradeliciosa · 14/03/2023 11:42

Chocolatetadpole · 14/03/2023 11:40

When's the next Court Hearing? Does the other party need to respond to your statement? I wouldn't be comfortable filing late either, maybe your solicitor is banking on there being a decent gap between filing and hearing. People do file late regularly, it's not ideal and if you're chasing your solicitor and they're a bit blasé I can see how it would make you anxious.

Oh anxious is not the word.

Anyway, yes I do think they are banking on that as the hearing is mid-April and we each have two weeks to file.

I'm sure my solicitor knows what she is doing but I am still not comfortable with it. I respect the court process and simply do not agree with filing late.

I also suspect (based on not much including this blase attitude) that me being legal aid means I'm at the bottom of the pile.

OP posts:
Original poster
monsterradeliciosa · 14/03/2023 11:43

I mean they won't award contact to my abusive ex because I filed a paper late, I suppose that's true.... still though.

OP posts:
Bepis · 14/03/2023 11:44

DH solicitor was a week over the deadline filing and serving his statement. She said the court usually doesn't mind providing it is filed 1-2 weeks before the hearing. His solicitor wrote to the court explaining. Your solicitor may have done that too.

Original poster
monsterradeliciosa · 14/03/2023 11:46

Bepis · 14/03/2023 11:44

DH solicitor was a week over the deadline filing and serving his statement. She said the court usually doesn't mind providing it is filed 1-2 weeks before the hearing. His solicitor wrote to the court explaining. Your solicitor may have done that too.

Yes I think you're right, and I've asked for anything that goes on to be forwarded to me but that's not happened either.

I suppose sometimes it's okay to just sit back and leave this to the professionals but that's not happening here since this is my child's life that's at stake and I cannot relax until this is over.

Think I need my medication upping! I try to work and get on with life but this either takes up my entire day or floods into my dreams and it feels like I've not even had any sleep. I can't let it go, I can't sit back and do nothing when there is that outside chance they will give my child to him and he will harm her.

Cafcass raised a risk... so I hope that's enough.

OP posts:
Bepis · 14/03/2023 11:49

@monsterradeliciosa I completely know how you feel. I did all the paperwork and kept things on time for DH before a solicitor took over and it was agony when they didn't do things on time or did things a different way to what I would have done.

I have extensive experience in the family court (3 of my own cases and 5 of DHs) and am an almost graduated law student so if you have anything you want to ask, feel free.

Original poster
monsterradeliciosa · 14/03/2023 11:50

Bepis · 14/03/2023 11:49

@monsterradeliciosa I completely know how you feel. I did all the paperwork and kept things on time for DH before a solicitor took over and it was agony when they didn't do things on time or did things a different way to what I would have done.

I have extensive experience in the family court (3 of my own cases and 5 of DHs) and am an almost graduated law student so if you have anything you want to ask, feel free.

Wow, thank you, I would love to send you a PM if that would be okay with you?

OP posts:
Bepis · 14/03/2023 11:51

@monsterradeliciosa Absolutely, I will help best I can

SummerInSun · 14/03/2023 12:00

I know nothing about family law, but am a litigation solicitor. The solicitor absolutely needs to keep you informed of what's going on, should be sharing all documents with you in draft before filing so you can comment, and should send you copies of everything filed with the court or sent to you by the other side. If this isn't happening, send a polite email making it clear this is what you expect. If it doesn't, as to speak to whoever within the form deals with complaints. That should make whoever is dealing with your file take notice and put your work to the top of his/her pile.

In short, don't trust that just because you have a solicitor, you have a good one (even if the form is good).

Original poster
monsterradeliciosa · 14/03/2023 12:07

SummerInSun · 14/03/2023 12:00

I know nothing about family law, but am a litigation solicitor. The solicitor absolutely needs to keep you informed of what's going on, should be sharing all documents with you in draft before filing so you can comment, and should send you copies of everything filed with the court or sent to you by the other side. If this isn't happening, send a polite email making it clear this is what you expect. If it doesn't, as to speak to whoever within the form deals with complaints. That should make whoever is dealing with your file take notice and put your work to the top of his/her pile.

In short, don't trust that just because you have a solicitor, you have a good one (even if the form is good).

Goodness me. thank you.

I have actually made it clear to the paralegal that I want all things sent to me, but they are yet to send over the letter they sent to court and his solicitor informing them they are acting for me. They didn't even inform me when it was sent.

The last thing I want is an adversarial relationship with my solicitor.

But I have prompted them today because I have said I want it filed on time already.

Thanks for your advice.

OP posts:
Original poster
monsterradeliciosa · 14/03/2023 12:08

SummerInSun · 14/03/2023 12:00

I know nothing about family law, but am a litigation solicitor. The solicitor absolutely needs to keep you informed of what's going on, should be sharing all documents with you in draft before filing so you can comment, and should send you copies of everything filed with the court or sent to you by the other side. If this isn't happening, send a polite email making it clear this is what you expect. If it doesn't, as to speak to whoever within the form deals with complaints. That should make whoever is dealing with your file take notice and put your work to the top of his/her pile.

In short, don't trust that just because you have a solicitor, you have a good one (even if the form is good).

Would they put a solicitor who they didn't think was that good on a legal aid case? I mean if the firm thought 'this one's not that great, send her on the legal aid one' ? Or is that ridiculous?

OP posts:
katieak · 14/03/2023 12:14

The family court does tend to be more relaxed about deadlines than civil court. Your case is not going to get struck out if you are a few days late, for example. Obviously everyone is expected to stick to deadlines but if there has been a delay in sorting this due to it taking time to get your legal aid in place then this should not be a problem.

The judge will probably not read your statements until the day before or day of your hearing.

That said, your solicitor should not be blasé about it but might be saying it to reassure you if you are worried about timings. I have done both legal aid work and private work and the source of funding would not cause me to treat a client any differently. All clients' cases and their deadlines are important.