Is this just a normal level of anxiety? If not how can i fix it?

[isthisallnormal]

Wondering if I'm just being a complete wuss and everyone feels similar but doesn't mention it. So for example last night I couldn't sleep thinking about:

• going on the train to work. i have no idea why, I am not normally worried about trains, something to do with being late or getting lost
• will i cut my. hand again on gate to. the office, it has happened before
• will i be able to figure out the keys to the two doors - i cant remember which key fits which lock, and one is very quirky - feeling very tense at idea of not being able to get in, people looking etc
• If I am first one in office what if there are a few cockroaches scurrying round - wtf do I do? it's a basement in Manhattan, it's unfortunately fairly normal but I hate them
• My lovely DP has to go away to a conference and I'll be here on my own and feeling really, really panicky.
• Cuddle DP which usually makes me feel better but got very tense focusing on our heartbeats and freaking out waiting for the next beat and stressing about the rhythm, thinking constantly what if one of us dies

I'm not new to the city have been here a few years now I just feel so deeply stressed and incredibly anxious I could cry and at certain waves it feels like an out of body experience where I don't really feel like a person.

This is all before I've done a stroke of work and I'm incredibly stressed about that too! Which is the only thing I should be concentrating on.

I constantly feel stupid, and part of that is imposter syndrome but also for me I genuinely am not great - not smart or fast enough at things others find very simple.

Just so worried all the time and have booked a session with a therapist.

I am an anxious person in general, but this has escalated to a point where it's all very hard t o manage. My mum recently died but most of the things i am unbearably anxious about have no connection to health or death?

AIB pathetic is this just how everyone feels before work but you just roll up your sleeves and get on with it? How can I fix it?

Could peri-menopause be a factor, op? Anxiety/increased anxiety is a very, very common symptom, and usually one of the first.

Following with interest because I also struggle with some things you listed

I feel like this a lot so it’s normal to me, but abnormal in that it’s clearly affecting you (and me!) and no way to live really.

I deal with it by:

what if-ing myself out of things - what will you do if you can’t unlock the door? You’ll keep trying, stay calm, call your boss etc. So what if people look? What if you’re late? what if you cut your hand? Basically have a plan to deal with these things and it helps you stay calm and you won’t need to action the plan in the first place.

Therapy

Sertraline (zoloft)

Im sure there’s more but these things help me.

No, that's not a 'normal' level of anxiety and worry.

What you're talking about sounds similar to symptoms of Generalised Anxiety Disorder www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/~/media/CCI/Mental-Health-Professionals/Generalised-Anxiety/Generalised-Anxiety---Information-Sheets/Generalised-Anxiety-Information-Sheet---01---What-is-Generalised-Anxiety.pdf

If you like I can paste the link to a self assessment tool that you can complete to see whether your symptoms 'score' highly enough, though I'm pretty sure they will.

GAD is a mental health problem characterised by two things: physical anxiety and excessive worry. The worries can be hypothetical or about current problems but the amount of worrying someone with GAD does can be really detrimental to their life and overall wellbeing.

Therapy can help but you need the right kind, you need to learn proper techniques to learn to manage anxiety and deal with things differently rather than worrying, and to figure out what's underlying your urge to worry so much. Simply talking about it won't help, other than providing some emotional support, so counselling isn't appropriate. Sometimes counselling can make GAD worse because the counsellor ends up forming the role of a reassurer which in the long run fuels the anxiety cycle!

I would advise you seek out a properly qualified and accredited CBT therapist. If you want I can paste a link to a really good, free self help workbook to be working on in the meantime which uses a similar approach to CBT. I would also suggest you speak to your doctor as some medications are very effective for GAD. Good luck.

It’s grief heightening things. I’m really sorry for your loss. And no, that’s not a ‘normal’ level of anxiety.

Things to do -

Short term, see the doctor and get prescribed something. You need to reset your system, bring down the anxiety levels so you can make a longer term plan.

Longer term, is your life (work, location, relationship, hobbies etc) making you happy or are there factors you can and should change? Your work sounds like it’s a source of stress. Is it right for you?

That is not a normal level of anxiety at all, and you definitely need help with it. I'm so glad you've booked an appointment with a therapist.
I had awful anxiety coming out of the pandemic. I ended up taking time off work and going on medication as well as having therapy. The things that help me keep it under control are:
Meditation (i use an app, calm and headspace are both good) and trying to be in the moment
Yoga
Running
HIIT workouts
Time spent in green space (I joined the NY Botanic Garden as soon as we moved here)
Journalling
Several of which I've let slip the last few weeks and I'm starting to feel anxious again. So I need to get back on it!
I do think it might be related to your mum's death, and Manhattan is also a LOT. But I promise you, you can get better from this.

In addition OP, I would suggest that when you book a therapist you ask them how they work with people who worry excessively and what their usual treatment plan looks like in that case.

You want to avoid wasting time and money on someone who hasn't a clue how to deal with this. And find the therapist who is experienced in working with GAD effectively.

I'm sorry for your loss, by the way. That's a really hard thing to go through. Maybe losing your mum was such a horrible unexpected shock your mind is worrying overtime to try and remove any other possibly source of uncertainty around the corner. Regardless of the cause, help is out there, and it's possible to be both grieving and experiencing GAD simultaneously. One doesn't mean you can't work on the other <3

Seriously wondering if this is part of it. Are there blood tests for hormones showing probable menopause?

Are you on hormonal contraception at all? It causes anxiety in many women

It's awful isn't it.

Yes last night lying in bed I tried to 'play the tape forward' and think of all the things I'm worried about - what's the worst that could happen?

Because I know I'll muddle through and manage.

The thing I found hideous was thinking of dealing with all the situations in my own stupid stupid way, and trying to laugh things off as people watch on pityingly.

My boss realising I don't fit in and I'm not as able as the rest of my team etc.

No matter how well I handle it, I just feel so exposed all the bloody time like I can't keep up and deal with all the normal life little shit bits (eg cutting hand) well enough and ultimately fail as a proper competent human.

This is the best job I've had over here.

Really lovely people and I care about the cause so much, it is a foundation that does so much good.

I really want to be good enough and make it work.

Everything else is fine, in terms of lifestyle.

BTW I found CBT absolutely useless for anxiety. I know a lot of people swear by it. But all it did for me was take the edge off as the root of it wasn't just behavioural. Psychotherapy was what I needed.

@CBTTherapist4 that's interesting, I had no idea talk therapy could make it all worse.

Years ago I had a few sessions of CBT before and just didn't really click with it. It was for feeling like a failure and not measuring up, and then doing the CBT exercises ironically I felt like more of a failure because I couldn't capture and control each bad thought and correct it properly.

My whole catalogue of worries and potential failures in my head is exhausting and draining.

Actually, now I think about it - I spend a lot of time arguing in my own head against each worrisome thought already. It's just it never ends.

I'd be really interested in doing CBT properly if this would help retrain my brain properly?

Can CBT work for people like me who have literally thousands of invasive and persistant worries?

Talk therapy really differs in its effectiveness as there are so many different 'schools' of therapy. This is the NICE guidance for treating GAD, which recommends a stepped care model www.nice.org.uk/guidance/cg113/chapter/Recommendations#principles-of-care-for-people-with-generalised-anxiety-disorder-gad

CBT is the most effective talk therapy treatment we currently have. Doesn't mean other things won't or can't help as there are so many variables, doesn't mean there isn't another treatment that's better that hasn't been studied as extensively yet! But based on what we know now, CBT is the most appropriate. So counselling for GAD could help some people, but it would be sort of by accident as it's not the most appropriate therapy. It can do nothing for others. And for some, yes, it can make it worse, if you're attending week after week talking about your anxiety and worries but not learning how to actually change what's happening. Different talk therapies work for different issues, they all have their place. I wouldn't use CBT to work with someone on grief, that would be counselling, but someone who needs help with PTSD or OCD for example would need CBT rather than counselling.

I'm sorry you had a bad run with CBT before, it sounds like it should have been focused on low self-esteem or persistent thoughts of self doubt? There's a lot to CBT so if you felt as though you were thrown into simple exercises right away then it probably wasn't delivered by a very skilled therapist unfortunately. I've heard stories of people going for CBT, being given a worksheet on the first session and expected to fill it out without even fully exploring and understanding what the problem is or understanding the rationale for the technique.
Hence my recommendation to find a properly qualified CBT therapist and ask for an outline of their approach for GAD. I am always happy to explain to people how I'm going to help them tackle their problem before they agree to begin, if I were going for any medical treatment I'd want to know what I was signing up for before consenting to it. A good therapist will be able to answer that and not get defensive or appeal to generalistic buzzwords ('I use an integrative approach' or 'I can't say until we've started working together as it depends on what comes out')

I don't know who the registering body is in your country but I'm sure you could find out. In the UK we have a real problem where counsellors claim to offer CBT but have actually done a weekend course and then believe they're able to deliver it! I went to one myself. In reality to become an accredited CBT therapist here you need either a core profession (nursing, social work etc.) or psychology degree, then experience and a one year postgraduate diploma so it's quite a bit more involved than a weekend course. As with everything, no one specific treatment or approach works for 100% of people for 100% of problems but at least you have an idea of what to be looking for.

But yes, CBT absolutely can work for people like you who have thousands of invasive and persistent worries. With the right therapist you'll probably learn that even though your worries are numerous and very distressing, there are certain identifable themes and you should get to know your worries and how your own specific worry cycle/pattern works. You learn how to categorise your worries and what to do instead of worry.

If you want any further info I can tell you that the most commonly used treatment protocol we use here for GAD is by a researcher called Dugas. Perhaps you could read up on Dugas for GAD and see whether it looks applicable to you. And here's a workbook as I mentioned, that might give you some ideas for what to look into in therapy or work on yourself.
www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/For-Clinicians/Generalised-Anxiety-and-Worry