Mumsnetters, you were so helpful last time. I took the advice and got a solicitor to fight my case after mediation with my ex was unsuccessful.
My ex was controlling and corecive. On a couple of occasions physically abusive. Eldest DS, I think, remembers this. He was present for one 'episode' although only 4/5 at the time. He has also seen his bully of a father when we split...the fact I slept on the sofa for 6 months and then had to live in 1 room of the house we jointly iwn whilst his father had the rest. He then had to move out of his home with me and his younger brother. I think he remembers as he was talking to the dog the other day and was saying how much happier she is now she knows she will not get beaten up by his Dad.
DS is 13, nearly 14. Ex is pushing to have the children more in the week so he can have weekends off. I need weekends to work as he also refuses to pay sensible maintenance. Solicitors dealing with this.
Youngest DS happy to see Dad and in fact wants to see more of him. I dont feel he is at risk anymore from him as the anger and violence was directed at me (if I left house untidy, stuff on draining board, not put recycling out etc) There has been no incidents of violence for 8 years.
Eldest DS spends as little time with his Dad as possible, preferring to stay with me.
Their Dad is wanting eldest DS to stay with him more. Can I force DS to go if he doesnt want to? I really don't want to make him. My solicitor is pushing for a parenting plan rather than arbitration, for info. Is it unreasonable to let him choose, have a bit more say in what he wants?