Does your DH make you feel desired if you’ve been together 20+ years?

[mygreatauntsue]

Been together 25 years, married 20. We both have busy jobs, his is definitely more busy than mine and includes a lot of work in the evenings and weekends. We have 3 dc which obviously requires a lot of input. Also an old house which DH is gradually doing up so when he’s not working, he’s doing stuff on the house so constantly planning.
We rarely argue and we are very comfortable together. We make an effort to go out just the 2 of us every few weeks. We have sex a couple of times a week. However, I feel like DH is just going through the motions. He never makes me feel like he actually finds me attractive. I recently bought some new underwear and walked around in it and DH didn’t even notice. Is this normal after all this time. I feel sad but don’t know if I’m expecting too much.

We've been together and married for a similar amount of time.

We definitely have sex a lot less than twice a week! but is sadly due to a house full of adult kids so we're rarely on our own.

But my OH is still very tactile and attracted to me (and vice versa). It's definitely unusual though and if I look at my different social circles, we're one or two of about 20 couples. Most seem very stale at this point.

Been married forty years and he still makes me feel like I'm the only woman in the world.
He notices if I have my hair done or a new outfit and will pay a compliment.
We're also very tactile with each other and have a great love life.
I would be seriously dejected if he was like yours.
The length of the relationship should have no bearing on attention to your OH.
Even a chaotic household shouldn't be an excuse for not paying a compliment or having a quick hug.

I was shocked at the bit when you said you still have sex a couple of times a week, I thought you were going to say once a month or something! So there's the first indication that he finds you attractive.

But I know what you mean, been together a similar time, married for less than you. He still makes me feel like he wants to rip my clothes off even through periods where I felt horrible about myself. He's always still made me feel like he's attracted to me. And me him. How are you with him? Are you giving him things that you're not getting back?

Yes I’m probably guilty of not showing him how attracted I am to him. I think we’ve got in a rut where work and life have taken priority over our relationship.

Suppose it's a case of talking to him and letting each other know how you feel. He might feel exactly like you, and that you're not showing you're attracted to him when in fact you are both attracted to each other.

No wonder you feel sad about it, I don’t think you’re not expecting too much. We’re in a similar boat to you with work pressure, DCs and doing up our house. Even though I don’t feel great about my aging body, DH still makes me feel like he’s attracted to me as much as he ever was - if I paraded around in new undies it would make his year!