To feel trapped by breastfeeding

[MintGreenLife]

DS is almost 21 months and I had intended on stopping at the end of the month, however, when we go through a tricky patch, nothing else helps apart from BF.

For example, I managed to get into a situation where I was only feeding first thing and last thing, and he would get himself to sleep for his nap and at bedtime. I managed to night wean too. However over the last 10 days we went away for a few nights (with DS too) and he’s had a nasty cold. During this time I’ve gone back to feeding to sleep for his nap and bedtime, and through the night too. He’s also started refusing his nap at home, so unless he has it in the car, or I give in and feed him at home, he doesn’t nap.

if I stop, how will we cope during things like sickness, travelling and overtiredness? He’s not a good sleeper, and with any of this thrown in the mix things are ten times more difficult, and I’ve always had BF to fall back on. He hasn’t taken to a comforter, won’t take a bottle, won’t be cuddled to sleep. In fact when he’s wound up the last thing he wants is to be cuddled. He actively pushes my hands away if I try and pick him up or stoke his hair etc and screams even harder.

is it cruel to stop BF him when there’s no other source of comfort?! I feel trapped but I’m ready to stop now. BF is amazing, but in a way I feel like it stops you/them finding other ways to help soothe them 😖

Don't go cold turkey as a previous poster suggested. You have stimulated more milk to be made with the addition feeding and that is going to hurt you if you do. I suggest when he is better, cut back to the bedime feed for a week or when you feel your body has adjusted and then stop that feed. Don't forget about the hormone dump when you do stop not to put you off but no-one ever mentioned it to me and I didn't know what was happening.

I think you have done amazing thing breastfeeding for so long,

I would just gradually reduce breastfeeding feeding him and introduce more weaning proper foods instead,
In meantime you can express breast milk, into bottles 🍼 to keep in fridge, so you don't feel so trapped with breastfeeding,

@Bluebellsand thanks, I’ll try the cuddling method then! Yes I would feel much the same about leaving him and going cold Turkey. I’ve never left him with anyone else for more than a few hours, and I don’t think I’m ready to leave him overnight. I actually think weaning him will probably be easier than I think, as he’s never asked for a feed…I continue to offer it to him by asking if he wants it, and he always says yes. It’s probably more me that’ll find stopping upsetting, but I was mostly worried about the fact that we have no other method of settling him when he’s upset! This is what I was planning on doing - in the last few nights I’ve managed to go back to not feeding overnight, as he’s slowly getting better, and I’ve stopped his morning feed. Once he’s fully better, I’ll stop feeding to sleep for his nap, and aim to drop his bedtime sleep in the next week or two.

@Squamata I had actually night weaned him before he got poorly, and as long as I respond to him quickly (I’m sleeping in his room) I can shh and stroke his hair to get him back to sleep, that just doesn’t work as a method of putting him to sleep. Now he’s getting a bit better with his cold, I’ve been able to stop feeding in the night again the past three nights, and I’ve stopped his morning feed too. So I’m making progress.

@PurBal that’s interesting that he took to a comforter and was happy to have cuddles after you weaned! Gives me hope! I suppose while breastfeeding, there’s no need for any other form of comfort. Fingers crossed I find the same!

@CatRatSplat thanks, yes that’s what I think I will do. I was mostly worried about how we will settle him when upset etc without BF anymore. Ohh in terms of hormone dump? Do you mean you found you were emotional?

@Goodread1 Awh thank you. Unfortunately he has never taken a bottle, I tried many times from about 4 months olds. He will have a little cows milk from a straw cup, but doesn’t find any comfort in this. Hopefully once we stop we will be able to establish other ways of soothing him 🤞🏼

Lots of hugs, a new routine such as story in bed and a song is what we did (and still do).

So when you stop breastfeeding some experience a hormone dump when you get a massive hit of hormone. Some say it's like the one after giving birth - mine was much worse and I was a mess, depression, angry, tears and then hysterically happy in waves for weeks. I was told to go on something to help me for a few weeks but by that point I'd ridden out the worst of it. The point I'd like to make it I had no idea this would happen and if I had I think I could have dealt with it better (or more self understanding).