To think my child is going to be asked to leave his preschool

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Absolutely terrified my recently turned 3 year old is about to get chucked out of his preschool. He’s only been there a few weeks and has had a hard time settling in - lots of crying at dropoff and at pickup as well (transition issues?), but staff report he quickly settles down and has a good time while there/behaviour hasn’t been an issue. Dropoff and pickup has been less painful, was feeling optimistic he was beginning to settle in. Picked him up today to be told he has been aggressive to several children including throwing a block at one child and hurting them so badly they had to go home. Apparently there was no trigger for any of this. I’ve recently returned to work hence him starting preschool and has been a SAHM who is with him literally the entire time before this and I have genuinely never once either seen him or heard of him behaving in an aggressive way to other children including his older sister before. If anything he is super friendly, always wants to say hello to other kids and I have actually witnessed him being
pushed around a few times and he hasn’t retaliated if pushed back at all.
we have had concerns that he has shown some signs of high functioning asd/adhd which he is awaiting referral for and the preschool are aware of this.
his expressive language isn’t great so he is unable to tell us what happened when we asked him, as in we said “you mustn’t hit people or throw things at people” and he repeats back to us “not hit people”
his preschool teacher seemed really pissed off when I picked him up and said she cannot allow behaviour like that in the setting to protect the other children and that they are wary of him now. She said she would be speaking with her manager about how to manage this.
i am so worried he is about to get “expelled”
and what this means for him; having to try and settle him into another new preschool potentially as well as what on earth I do about my brand new job in the meantime - I have no family to help look after him should he not be able to go to preschool so I could potentially not be able to continue with my new job that I really, really need.
Has anyone had experience of anything similar happening? Does it sound like he is going to be asked to leave? I’m so worried about him in general with these potential additional needs and I was hoping he was beginning to feel better about going to preschool and maybe even enjoying it there and then today this has happened and I don’t know what to think.

@GemmaSparkles did you miss the bit where the OP said her child is three years old and this is the first time anything like this has happened?

He's 3 and so far this has happened on one day? Their reaction is very unprofessional if you could see they were pissed off. Is this setting attached to a school? I would ask what support they will be putting in place to support your child and how you can work together on this. They should be observing to find out what triggered these reactions and putting in strategies to help him manage his emotions. These should also be shared with you so that you can reinforce these at home.

Hello, thanks for your replies, yes the manager was clearly unhappy when relaying this to me and I didn’t like how she made a point of saying how “all the other children are wary of him”
I know there are kids that bite there and while their parents are informed of any incidents, they aren’t viewed as negatively as my son seems to be. I genuinely think this is less to do with what he actually did yesterday and more to do with him being very full on/active and it being a pain for staff to stay vigilant as to what he’s doing as opposed to sitting quietly with a book etc.

Thanks for your replies. Update to this thread is the preschool manager has asked for an SEN advisor to come and observe my son’s behaviour to advise re strategies that might help manage his behaviour. Does this sound like they are starting the process of “managing him out” (don’t know what the term is and I’m really tired!) I’m hoping it could be a positive thing but also worried this is the first step to them saying they can’t manage him/need to find a new setting?

Mine certainly did due to lack of speech.

Hello, SENCO here. Asking the advisor to come out is a good step. Your son will be on their radar, and they should check in to ensure strategies are working.
I assume they will speak to you about one planning / support plan, this will list the support he needs and can be sent to your councils panel for funding to support your son at the setting.
If you feel you want some advice or support, please contact your local SENDIAS service. They can also mediate if you feel the relationship with the setting has broken down.
The nursery cannot expell him due to SEND behaviour, they must support him. They can suggest a reduction in hours.
Putting on my parent hat though, if the manager reacted like this surrounding the first incident...start looking for a better, more understanding provision.

Been in similar position - trust your instinct - the preschool should be watching and supporting your child - if he seemed distressed or aggressive today they should be thinking of strategies to support him. Took us 2 failed placements till we found the perfect one. DS has ASD and afterwards I found out that our local support team had concerns about ability to support special needs.

From day one I was totally transparent with them about concerns I had around him being impulsive etc and if anything I probably came across as a bit neurotic at how much I repeated he can be impulsive, he has never displayed any aggression before so I’m surprised by this.
he’s been there literally 4 weeks and for the first two weeks although dropoff and pickup were awful in the actual moment, they actually said he settles down very quickly and that he had a nice time while there/no behaviour concerns. Last week and this week no tears at drop off or pickup, only aggressive behaviour has been this week. So I already feel he has made quick progress in terms of not being distressed when I leave him any more and am hopeful that whatever behaviour strategies are suggested will help him to settle in further.
I know next to nothing about the SEN process and it all feels so worrying, I find myself panicking what school is going to look like for him/will he make friends etc 😢

Don't panic! He is so tiny and you have no idea how things will be and could waste loads of time and energy worrying. Enjoy him for how he is now and try and find him a setting where he isn't under so much pressure.

It would be very harsh to kick him out straightaway without a proper behavior management plan being implemented and attempted, in collaboration with you and the nursery.

They said he shows signs of ADHD in that he can be “destructive”, doesn’t sit still well, and this week has been aggressive. Does it sound as if this is unmanageable behaviour for a preschool child?