I had a run in with Dds best friends mum years ago

[Feellikeimtalkingtomyself]

About 5/6 years ago (pre my Dd..she’s four and a half) Dh and I were walking our dogs around the neighbourhood. One of the women living nearby was walking her dogs, four large dogs off lead, by themselves these dogs were fine, when they were altogether, they were trouble. One of the dogs attacked our dog for no reason, ran up to her and she managed to get off her lead and ended up with quite a bad leg. At the time we were really shocked, our dog ran into the road to escape and could have been run over or caused an accident etc. We were really upset and shouted after them, but they didn’t offer any apologies.
We took our dog to the vet and she was thankfully ok after a month or so with a sore leg, but quite shocked and we received the bill for around €150 (we’re abroad) We told the vet what had happened and she said we could’ve gone to the police and/or should take our vets bill to her.
We decided to take it around to the woman’s house and ask her to pay the bill and talk to her about putting her dogs on the lead or not walking them as a pack. The law where we are is not to walk so many without a lead, she laughed that off and said she does it all the time and doesn’t care and the police don’t care because she has money. As I say we live in another country where this can happen sometimes, she is very wealthy with a huge house and pool, tennis courts etc.
I was so angry by her attitude and we had a sort of argument/disagreement as I was upset about my dog, her dogs potentially doing it to another dog and her whole attitude about being able to do what she wants because she has money and so on.
She ended up paying the bill, but didn’t really offer an apology.
Over the years we’ve seen her walking her dogs..she now only has two, much calmer dogs and I’ve not let on to her ever although dh does to be polite he says 🤷🏻‍♀️ (I don’t know why!)
Fast forward to now, Dd started school in September and has some nice friends there, but it’s been hard for her as it’s a new language. Her very favourite friend who she talks about a lot, and who sounds like she’s very kind and is being great with Dd, I found out is this woman’s Dd 😫
Dd wants to invite her to play, she lives a few streets away and it would be ideal normally..just this awkward thing in the past.
Would you just text and invite her Dd over, would you mention what happened or just not say anything or would you just not get involved and not invite her due to the mum?

As long as you can be amicable with the parents I don't see any reason why not to have the child round to play. Although I wouldn't be sending my child round their house with a dangerous dog owner.

@Dutchesss Where I am and with the age of our kids, they don’t just do drop off play dates etc, so I’d be having her at my home for a couple of hours 😬I just really don’t want to, but I know how much Dd would love it
They don’t have the same dog anymore

Knowing how hard girls friendships can be I would try to forgive the past and have them both over. The girls could be friends for a few months or it could be many years so it's worth putting it behind you. I know it's much easier said than done.
You won't want to get to a point in a few years where your daughter could be excluded from social activities because of adults relationships, better to start afresh now.

I would have their daughter over for play dates initially, without sending your DD to theirs, but at some point (and I would think very quickly) the mother is going to click who you are and you can take the lead from her reaction.

When that happens and assuming your DD's friend may not come around much/at all after that, you need to have a gentle conversation with DD that her friend's mum's dogs hurt yours a long time ago and people are upset.

In the meanwhile I would try and introduce your DD to others with children of a similar age so if she does get dropped as a friend, she has others around her.

No way, I wouldn’t encourage my child to associate with a family who believe that because they are wealthy they can behave badly.

I'd not be hosting her in my house given her mother's attitude unless she apologised she sounds horrid.
Poor child though it's not her fault I still wouldn't want to encourage hosting her

Sit your DD down and explain that her friend's mummy did a bad thing 5/6 years ago and you are prepared to hold a grudge over an apology for the rest of your life so her new friend can't visit.

Completely agree with @FredandAmy & @mynamesnotMa - no way would I have the woman in my house. Appreciate it's not the DDs fault but I wouldn't be encouraging the friendship.

Yea I’d go for it and invite her around for a short play date. If they end up becoming good friends they’ll be a party invite or something sooner or later. At least if you take control the first meeting happens in a planned way and at your home. Rather than accidentally finding yourself at the same kids party or something.

You need to do what's right for your dd on this one.

It sounds like, although she was defensive at the time, she has moved on, and now got 2 nice dogs.

Many people get defensive when challenged but are able to put things into context after they have calmed down. She didn't like her choices being criticised, (wrong but understandable) it seems she/her family have (because of this; other incidents or even their own experience) have moved on and now have appropriate family dogs.

Invite the kid and take it from there. Don't go in accusatively and be prepared to kind of ignore that it ever happened. (If their kid is the same age then they too were childless at the time and in a different mindset)

It sounds like the kids could be good friends. I'm 68 and my best friend is still the one I made at 2 years old thanks to our mums being friendly

I personally wouldn’t try to foster a friendship between the girls because I wouldn’t trust my daughter to be unsupervised in the woman’s house. I don’t think that’s petty or holding a grudge at all.

Yes by not actively encouraging the friendship. The mothers clearly don't share the same values
If they are going to be friends they will, regardless of playdates

Could you arrange a meet up on neutral ground to start with, maybe at a soft play so it is easier all round to make excuses and leave and more even

No way, I would explain to my DD what this horrible woman did and encourage her to make other friends. Id never let my child alone in the other woman's home. EVER

I’d steer clear of the family.

but also I suspect this lady has had several run ins re her dogs so it’s less of a thing for her?

No I wouldn't. Once this woman works out who you are she'll probably put a stop to the friendship by pushing her daughter towards other friends.
I'd invite some different kids over.

It’s water under the bridge. I’d give it a go for your DD’s sake. It might be easier not to discuss the dogs at all

The thing is if you invite her over would you pretend you’d never met her before?

Oh my how awkward. I’m not sure how you approach this. The problem is, the mother seems to be an awful person so I couldn’t stomach the idea of having a talk with her to agree to start over fresh. I think I’d limit contact.

Her mother sounds like the sort of person that will discourage her daughter from being friends with yours when she realises who you are, which will then leave your child without a friend. So let them continue to be pals at school and maybe encourage her to be friends with some other children in her class too.

It's so odd. There was a thread just like this a few months ago except it was an incident with an ill child rather than one with dogs.
My advice is the same. Put your DD first.
Of course it would also be fine to wait a few more months to see how it plays out when you bump into the mum at the school. I'm surprised that hasn't happened in the last six months.

Brazen it out op just sit there with a coffee while your kids play and make all sort of
niceness like her dog never mauled yours!