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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think short kids should go at the front

79 replies

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 13/03/2023 18:25

DD is the shortest in her class by some way (year 5).

Today her entire class had a poetry competition thing happening with other schools, where the class all spoke a poem/piece of writing at once. Also lots of actions and hand gestures etc.

Well I took 2 hours off work, drove to the church it was happening at, paid an entry fee to sit through it all without seeing DD once. Because She was at the back behind the tall kids. now and again I saw a hand raised up when there was an action but that’s it. This isn’t the first time this has happened.

WIBU to complain to the teacher and say in future can she not just put her at the front where I can see her. They rehearse the moves and she would have been out at the back for the beginning.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 13/03/2023 20:17

WelHong · 13/03/2023 20:13

What actually matters, OP, is whether your DD was happy with where she was (without you telling her not to be).

I assume the year groups were all together. I was the shortest in my class, and I can just imagine the humiliation of being told in Year 5 to go and join the Year 3 line-up because I was short.

She wouldn’t have been asked to join another year group? It was the year 5 class only.

And it does matter when you have parents taking time out their day to sit and not watch their child.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 13/03/2023 20:17

Itstarts · 13/03/2023 20:14

I meant a smaller child. If a parent has complained that their kid feels victimised for always being at the front because their short (yes, victimised. This is a direct quote. This has happened multiple times) then the following year, the teacher will intentionally put some shorter children at the back to avoid another parents nonsense complaint.

Show quote history

Ok but I’ve never said that and neither has DD.

OP posts:
Abraxan · 13/03/2023 20:19

howmanybicycles · 13/03/2023 20:01

They deserve to see the actions and gestures too not just their face is what I mean. I'm guessing that the height differentials for the class as a whole did not mean that there was a tall enough child to stand behind every small enough child

Priority for us when organising our class shows is that every child's face can be seen. Anything more is a bonus.

It's obviously not fair to be much taller children in front of a much shorter one. Clearly it's much better to be able to see everyone's face but obscure some chest/waist/legs of the back row, than to have some children not visible at all.
We do try to have the back row raised a bit so that when singing they are stood on a bench or front row is sat and back stood for a bit to even it up. It would we have one child totally not visible? No, of course not.

Make sure all faces can be seen by the audience as much as possible - we position them and then go and sit at the other end of the hall to check as we know it's important to parents and children.

Neodymium · 13/03/2023 20:20

Well after 3 kids going through primary I have come to realise that me being present is less about whether or not I can actually see my child and more that they can see me and know I am there.

my dd is tiny and at her first viola performance she was at the back. Could barely see her and certainly couldn’t hear anything. She didn’t know or care she was just thrilled and nervous to be performing, and afterwards was talking about how nervous she was. She didn’t know or care she was at the back and no one could see her.

I always make sure that they see me, even if it’s when they are walking on. That’s what counts, then knowing I’m there, not me seeing them.

Soapboxqueen · 13/03/2023 20:20

If there were other schools there, there's a possibility that children were manovered in without the chance to swap lines around etc because other schools are already in place.

For example, class arrives, teacher needs to speak to organiser so helpful volunteer guides children to where they'll be seated. By the time teacher sees where they are there's already two other schools sat around them so it isn't feasible to make everyone get up to swap children around.

Or they just weren't paying attention.

I'm not sure if I'd complain. Plenty of times I've attended things and not been able to see my child due to angles etc. 🤷🏻

howmanybicycles · 13/03/2023 20:27

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 13/03/2023 20:03

So if other parents deserve to see their children’s action surely I deserve to see even a glimpse of my child?

As I’ve said DD comes below several children’s chins, there would very much have been easy to coordinate. And even so, when is the answer EVER ‘stick that short child right at the back’

Honestly some MNers are fucking contrary 😂

Show quote history

If it's not possible to always have all parents see enough of their kids to see them doing all the actions and gestures then it makes sense for there to be a compromise such that across a range of performances all parents get the chance to see their kids in full. Always situating the smaller ones in front of taller ones means the parents of taller ones never get to see their kids doing gestures and actions.

Itstarts · 13/03/2023 20:29

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 13/03/2023 20:17

Ok but I’ve never said that and neither has DD.

Show quote history

No, I didn't say you had. But constant trivial complaints from parents ruin things for everyone.

WelHong · 13/03/2023 20:29

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 13/03/2023 20:17

She wouldn’t have been asked to join another year group? It was the year 5 class only.

And it does matter when you have parents taking time out their day to sit and not watch their child.

Show quote history

Fair enough about year groups. But honestly, it doesn't matter. By the time you've spent 20 years sitting through these things, you won't remember anything about any individual event. They all merge into "that was lovely".

ChildminderMum · 13/03/2023 20:32

Did your DD have a nice time?

SirenSays · 13/03/2023 20:50

I'd find this annoying, there are a million ways to organise this so your poor dd wasn't stuck staring at the back of someone's head. The best part is seeing their little faces light up when they see their loved ones in the crowd.

itsjustnotok · 13/03/2023 20:53

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl OP why don’t you just be brave and ask??? Honestly you have an answer for literally everything people have asked you. Just go in and talk to them like a grown up and have a discussion.

YourUserNameMustBeAtLeast3Characters · 13/03/2023 21:03

As she’s in year 5 I’d mention it to her year 6 teacher before they start all the year 6 shows (unless she has a growth spurt). There’s a huge variety in height in year 6, my DS was only up to the chest (never mind the chin!) of several of the girls. And yes he was at the back… (but he probably chose to hide at the back so probably not the teacher’s fault in that case).

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 13/03/2023 21:10

Because placing people due to their height would be discrimination.
'Why do I always have to be at the front?' or 'Why am i always at the back?'. Answer can no longer be because you're short/tall. You're not even allowed to employ common sense anymore in case it should offend someone, fun isn't it?

At my workplace we've been told we're no longer allowed alcohol at work related events, nor are we allowed to reference 'Christmas' and 'Easter'. We're only allowed to say 'holiday' or 'break'.

Snooks1971 · 13/03/2023 21:13

Oh god I remember these times! Usually the most vocal (annoying to me) child at the middle front thinking they are performing Matilda in the West End. They invariably made the show good though!

Me trying valiantly to get a glimpse of my own child (we’ve got 3 so went through the whole rigmarole multiple times) but it was more a case of they wanted to meet eyes with me and DH to sort of acknowledge us and give a thumbs up.

One time I remember fondly is when DS2 was in charge of moving scenery bits before the beginning of the actual play - wearing all black, I could see him scurrying about, I felt like shushing everyone in the audience chatting so they could behold DS2’s talents 🤣

Anyway OP I get you and I’m sorry I’m not being very relevant to your concern. I do totally understand though! So glad to leave those days behind!

howmanybicycles · 13/03/2023 21:21

Abraxan · 13/03/2023 20:19

Priority for us when organising our class shows is that every child's face can be seen. Anything more is a bonus.

It's obviously not fair to be much taller children in front of a much shorter one. Clearly it's much better to be able to see everyone's face but obscure some chest/waist/legs of the back row, than to have some children not visible at all.
We do try to have the back row raised a bit so that when singing they are stood on a bench or front row is sat and back stood for a bit to even it up. It would we have one child totally not visible? No, of course not.

Make sure all faces can be seen by the audience as much as possible - we position them and then go and sit at the other end of the hall to check as we know it's important to parents and children.

Show quote history

That sounds like a good aim. I doubt my DD's teachers had the same idea because I almost never saw much more than her forehead because of the people in front of her! I still felt that we were watching something she was part of though which was the most important aspect to us.

Pyaar · 13/03/2023 21:50

YANBU it's just common sense. I would definitely mention it. Give them a chance to explain and ask how they can do it differently in future so it doesn't keep happening. It's actually completely ridiculous.

I know it cant always be equal and sometimes you get a seat and might not be able to see your child anyway due to various factors, but that should never be because they are literally told to stand behind other much taller kids.

ExasperatedbyJanuary · 13/03/2023 22:50

YANBU
Ye gods! It’s just common sense to put taller children at the back! Honestly - some posters are so contrary that they’ll even argue with the blindingly obvious.

All these silly ‘what ifs’… What if she was standing in the wrong place? What if she liked staring at the back of someone’s head (🙄)? What if parent of tall child needed to see child’s arms?

MN is absolutely batshit sometimes 😂

howmanybicycles · 13/03/2023 23:41

Why do MN feel the need to insult other's who disagree with them? It's pitiful TBH. I have a tall DD. I never got to see much of her because the smaller ones were always in front. You can choose to call that a 'what if' if you like. It doesn't really matter to me whether you can see beyond the end of your own nose or not.

steff13 · 13/03/2023 23:53

howmanybicycles · 13/03/2023 23:41

Why do MN feel the need to insult other's who disagree with them? It's pitiful TBH. I have a tall DD. I never got to see much of her because the smaller ones were always in front. You can choose to call that a 'what if' if you like. It doesn't really matter to me whether you can see beyond the end of your own nose or not.

Like calling people pitiful?

OP, you're going to have to mention it to the teacher.

maddy68 · 14/03/2023 00:00

They probably just piled in in register order

Firawla · 14/03/2023 00:02

Totally agree with you OP, my dd is one of the shorter ones too, by quite a lot compared to some classmates so this would annoy me too. It’s only sensible to have them at least a decent amount visible the same as everyone else

Caviarandgelatine · 14/03/2023 00:06

Tbh when they put loads of kids on stage together unless they're the ones at the front you can't see them.

DD was one of the tallest at primary and I could never see her behind the others. I'd have to hope that I'd get the odd glimpse of her sort of between the ones in front if they shifted around a bit but it didn't often happen.

Thepossibility · 14/03/2023 03:11

I agree with you OP. My DD is the youngest and among the smallest and many concerts the only time I've seen her was as she was walking on or off the stage. Grandparents and all there to see her, not a glimpse to be had. No video, no photo.
I think it's because in the practising stages she wouldn't push herself to the front and would be too shy to complain about the rows of taller kids in front of her.
I'm Hmm at the PP saying it's discrimination to put taller kids in the back. All of the kids having a chance to be seen is surely what is fair and equal?
It's a shame because this is DD last year of primary too.

ExasperatedbyJanuary · 14/03/2023 06:14

howmanybicycles · 13/03/2023 23:41

Why do MN feel the need to insult other's who disagree with them? It's pitiful TBH. I have a tall DD. I never got to see much of her because the smaller ones were always in front. You can choose to call that a 'what if' if you like. It doesn't really matter to me whether you can see beyond the end of your own nose or not.

😂
What are you talking about?! ‘See beyond the end of your own nose’? I think the issue here is basic logic. If you put a larger person in front of a smaller person, the latter is blocked from view. If you put a taller person behind a shorter one you can still see the tall person. Physics, innit?

SpringyAF · 14/03/2023 06:57

I am a teacher and this annoys me so much. I always make sure the whole of my class can be seen from the very back. It’s really not hard. We all have degrees after all.

I do find that in my 15 or so years of teaching, it does tend to be the childless teachers that do this. So I have come to the conclusion that it’s genuine not-really-thinking, having never had the experience of missing work to watch some other persons extra tall child sing whilst catching a glimpse of your own child’s left ear every 20 minutes.