What happens now? ExHs disengagement in medical appointments

[WhatHappenedHappened]

DC is 8, Y4 and gets Occupational Therapy input once a fortnight to help with motor delays.

It’s completely child led, in that the OT selects 3 or 4 activities that help to improve the motor skills but DC gets to choose which activities they do – it’s called child led OT and apparently they get better results if the DC chooses the activity and then they adapt it.

I didn’t take DC to OT on Friday because I was working, ExH went.
The activities are generally fun, therapist shows DC how to do something and then they play or they just play in a child-led but guided way.

OT rang me today to say she was concerned about ExHs lack of engagement with DC. She said when I take DC, I get involved, I do the craft, or play the board game or mimic how to use the scissors or cutlery so DC can see, I high five DC when they do something great or offer encouragement when they’re not doing so well (this was OTs words not mine) all of this is normal and DC apparently looks to me for reassurance or celebration. Apparently ExH just sat in the room and barely looked up from his phone. This is the 3rd or 4th time OT has observed this with ExH apparently (so not just a one off “bad day”) including when we had a meeting in school with OT and Senco. Apparently DC never looks over to ExH.

Apparently OT is passing her concerns onto SS, she’s said I am not the issue and she has no concerns, she can see I am not only engaging in sessions and meetings but she can tell I actually follow the advice given and work on it at home with DC. She has also said school have been including the OT exercises in their general lessons.

She told me because ExH refused to give his phone number. But I got the feeling OT thinks it's more than just ExH ignoring DC just the way she said "DC doesn't even look to him when they do something good" made it sound so bad.

I left ExH due to violence and control when DC was a toddler and he took me to court and almost got residency – he dropped it at the last minute.
I am so scared right now, and I’ve not even done anything wrong, in fact I’ve done everything right! I don’t want to stop contact between DC and ExH.

So what happens now? Do I have to tell ExH? Or just wait? Will I lose my DC?

For assurance if OT is reporting concerns about exDH from a CP point of view it’s only him
although you may be asked your opinion

Why is OT talking to you about this?

Why would you assume you might lose your child? You've done nothing wrong in fact your relationship and support has been validated by the OT pretty solidly from what you say.

Surely it will just be a black mark against him? It’s nothing to do with your interaction with the children. Say nothing to your ex husband, keep out of it until asked if asked by SS.

It's a puzzle. She must have seen him donor not do something. Do you get reported if your child doesn't look at you for validation? Because that's what it sounds like the problem is. Maybe it's a referral for parenting lessons. I'm sure the ex will love that. 😆

This is exactly what I wanted to say.

Its good to have your ex’s lack of involvement documented.