Not allowed to tell colleagues I’m leaving?

[Devilsadvocaat0]

I’ve worked in my current workplace for 5 years, interacted with lots of different departments and teams in that time and made quite a few friends, some of whom came to my wedding last year!

I decided to move on and have a new job, starting in just over a month. No hard feelings, just more money and more senior role. When I handed in my notice (3 months) my manager asked if I wouldn’t mind keeping it quiet until they had a plan, I said ok although a few colleagues in closest to (not my direct reports) knew as they knew I had been to interviews.

Its now been over a month and I’m still being asked to keep it quiet until a couple of weeks before I leave. This just seems ridiculous to me? I don’t go into the office each week and there are people I would like to say bye and thanks to in person, I can’t as I might not see them in the fortnight I’m ‘permitted’ to tell people (most people now working hybrid and sporadically in the office). I wanted to organise some leaving drinks but doubt 2 weeks is enough notice. They usually do a little presentation at the end of the month when people leave but I’m going to miss being put into this. It feels like my work in the past 5 years won’t be acknowledged at all. Not to mention it’s become awkward. Just this morning I sat in a management meeting discussing team morale, people updates and my manager said nothing about me even to the senior team.

WIBU to just let a few people know? Can they actually stop me or discipline me if I do?

Can they actually make you stay quiet? I’d just say sorry some staff have found out as we are friends outside of work so word has gotten around now.

Ignore them and tell whomever you wish. They can't muzzle you and there's nothing they can do about it.

Who cares if they do - you're leaving!

I think it's an appalling way to treat people. We had this with a staff member in my old workplace. No one knew she was going until the day before the end of term because she'd been told she shouldn't tell anyone

My team got wind of it and we organised a little collection among us, got her a voucher and some flowers

And get this - the principal asked us for the voucher and flowers so he could present them to her! Couldn't believe the cheek of it.

Anyway - the point is your colleagues will be gutted not to be able to get you a leaving present or say proper goodbyes. You've given them plenty of time to "plan" so just tell who you want now.

And good luck in your new job

You've kept it quiet for a month with no sign of an end date for it, I'd just tell people. What are they going to do?

Unless you're in a very high security job I don't think there's any way they can enforce this - I mean what are they going to do, fire you? It sounds like they're trying to cover their arses because they know people will panic.

I had the exact same situation before Christmas.

I had a month left to go so i just started telling everyone. I told any customers first but then after that internally. Its enough time for your manager to get their act together. If they dont have a plan then thats on them.

Just tell your manager its making things tough to start extracting yourself from projects and you need to start winding down on attending meetings and discussing future deliverables and focus on handover instead of continuing as your are and you will start to reject incoming work to hand over to them.

This is odd and awkward. I would email your boss, tell them that you are going to tell your colleagues on x date.

I got told I could not even tell colleagues if I was going on holiday and it actually sounded like a formal warning. It was odd because I went at the same time each year taking my dc's. Turned out it was because staff at the other office refused point blank to cover for me because my boss was such a nightmare to work for. They would still have to cover so I guess they told them that very day so they couldn't throw a sicky Rather than deal with the boss issue, the office manager rounded on me.

Odd behaviour op, I would just tell who you want. After all, there is not much they can do is there.

It’s not a high security job. They asked quite a few questions about the new job salary and I was upfront as they tried to match it but couldn’t, I think they’ve seen the company have a lot of roles open for skills a my colleagues possess and are worried they will get ideas of applying. But still that’s not my problem!

I was asked to do this in my previous role
they said I could tell people the week before, which didn't sit well with me

then a family member ended up in hospital and I had to miss my last week. People were horrified, didn't seem to believe, and having been very happy there for years, I got a strong sense that people were angry with me.

when everything calmed down with my family, I went in physically and told people. I now wish I had been firmer with SMT and told people at least a month before. Leaving projects in what looks like an unfinished state isn't good.

check your contract but if you can tell them, I would. I don't know for sure but
i think SMT just wanted to get a particular meeting done without people knowing, because three team members were leaving in the same month.

Inform your boss that it is time for you to tell colleagues that you are leaving and that you will do so tomorrow.
Then speak freely.

I had almost exactly the same situation. In my case, it's because they knew people would be upset that I was leaving AND that it would create tension because everyone knew that I was being bullied by my boss. AND they knew that replacing me would be hard and that internal clients would get antsy.

s that they would pay me a big fat package but I had to stay for a 2 weeks first. In retrospect, It think my boss was hoping I would just leave and he could imply that he'd fired me.

The irony of course, is them insisting on secrecy massively backfired on them. I insisted with a few days to go that I was not going to keep it secret any more. and while I remained discreet (in line with my contract on departure), everyone was thrilled for me that I'd managed to get away from him, guessed at least some of what was happening and the firm looked incompetent because of course, they had no comms in place to tell internal clients and colleagues how my work would be handled.

You can tell who you want - you are leaving!

I usually told people the day I handed my notice in.

I told some people I would not be doing my job as being transferred to a different site to do a slightly different job.
The boss from that site came over and gave me a right bollocking for doing so. News of her bullying got round and fortunately she left soon after

My last place did this with me. I didn't argue the point because I wasn't that bothered but they ended up looking like utter twonks when I left a few days after the announcement and no colleagues or clients had any warning. 🤷‍♀️

In one of my previous roles, I had a lot of contacts I dealt with via email and when I started they were confused as to what happened to the previous person as no one communicated to them that person left.
When I handed in my notice they told me not to mention it to my contacts.
I thought this was absolutely stupid and updated my email signature to say "my last day is x"
It was a terrible company but my contacts were decent people and deserved to know what was happening.
I also started training my assistant on everything so they had no choice but to promote her when I left 🤣

I hate this stuff. It leaves the feeling that there was something shady about it. I kept quiet as well with clients, though I told close colleagues on my way back from handing in my resignation. I think it’s to avoid panic and others getting ideas.