I am going to sound such a saddo but here goes...

[LadyOfWaffle]

to be upset that friends go out without me?

Basically, my DHs half brother and his wife moved up here in the summer into DHs mums house and DH, DS and I, especially last summer went there quite alot. We get on OK, well I though we did - we aren't best buddies I guess because I am so quiet and shy but anyway. I tried to make big efforts, paying for her, her DH and 2 kids + my lot to go to the Coral Reef for the day, staying over, getting takeaway, ferrying them around (neither drives), always asking of they need things when we are there etc. etc. DHs cousin started coming round aswell and i've got on with her aswell. The first night out they planned (that I heard about anyway) they invited me and other family members, but recently they have been going off without me. I mean, it's their life and if they don't want me around, that's fine but I just don't understand why. They are always posting the photos of their wonderful girlie nights out and it really upsets me. I try and be nice and feel like it's thrown back in my face. I am not a boring person (I don't think), infact I am the only one who will dance etc. Being a SAHM with bad depression, they were kinda my only friends and now I feel so lonely - hence the saddo part. Also, we were all talking the night we went out about a joint holiday, then a while later I found out they have booked one themselves, but after finding out transport up there was a problem, they asked DH if we wanted to come along (we have a 7 seater). AIBU?

Ring her and say you fancy a night out and wonder when they are next planning one?

If you want to go on the holiday, then swallow your pride and go.

If you don't want to then don't and don't feel pressured into having to go because of the car.

Don't cut your nose off to spite your face, do what you want to do as this is what I suspect the others do

I am so sorry you are feeling so lonely and yanbu. I once had a circle of friends that did this to me. THey only wanted me to be part of their group when i lived in London (so they had somewhere to stay). I often used to find out after they had all gone out what a great time they had. As soon as i moved they shut me out totally.

no yanbu it is upsetting but a sad fact of life some people are bastards!!
Sorry not much help dont go on the holiday

They are going in the next few days, she asked DH ages ago. Without trying or meaning to sound sour, I don't want to go where I am not wanted - I want to be wanted. I am sat here trying to work out what's wrong with me

there is nothing wrong with you. They are the twats not you. Go on holiday and have a lovely time with dp and ds but dont worry about them.

It's hard not to take stuff like this to heart, but it's not that there's anything wrong with you, it's probably just that they feel they have more in common with each other than with you maybe.

Dear LOW,

Unfortunately being close friends with someone does rely a little on chemistry - just like romance. Don't beat yourself up that these women think you are boring - they are probably very fond of you but just not into being best mates. That's their choice.(I am a bit at their apparent ability to switch you to best mate mode when it suits them, however.)

I know that if in your current situation it must be hard to get up the courage to meet other people, but if you can develop a social life without these girls I bet that you won't feel half as resentful of their nights out together. Is there anything that you could do (going to the gym/joining a bookclub for instance) that might help with your depression and help you to meet some new (and hopefully kinder) friends?

Patsy

I think they sounds as though they're using you when it suits them. I personally wouldn't go on the holiday unless you really do want to be friends with them, rather than just have them as friends because you don't have others - if that makes sense.

Then I'd try to make a concerted effort to meet other people. I know it's hard. I moved to a new area a year and a half ago. I joined the local toddler group and ended up running it. I joined the pre-school committee and have ended up doing a bunch of things that I don't have time for - all in a bid to meet other people.

I've invited people around to my house for drinks (which was a success) but have not received a return invitation. I've invited people round for play dates. Have yet to have a return invite.

But, last week I suggested a play date to a mum. We went to her house. It was a great afternoon and at the end of it she said that if I ever felt like going out for a drink or something, to let her know.

It was a tiny little bit of success, and I know that if the drink is going to happen, it will need to be me who suggests it. But I honestly feel as though I'm making progress. It is bloody hard work and fairly intimidating at times - but I've come to the realisation that most people think other people already have friends and no-one is keen to make the first move.

So try to join a club or group or something and actively engage other people. You never know, you might find someone just like you just wishing they could find a friend.

I am a very shy person when I dont know people and it does sometimes come across that im not interested, or just dont want to go. Do you think that could be what it is?

It may be that they think you dont really want to go out so dont bother asking?

It could well be that, if you're not someone who speaks up alot (I'm not either) even people who know you really well often make (wrong) assumptions about what you think. People often tell me I don't give much away, I think with me it's lack of confidence and a bit of self-protection for fear of rejection.