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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My friends boyfriend/child’s father winked at me and literally looked down my top. Am I overthinking or should I tell her?

23 replies

Happygoluckymumm · 13/03/2023 02:25

Hi, this has been on my mind and I’m not sure if I’m overthinking. Me and my friend was out and decided to go to a cafe and we ended up bumping into her boyfriend/childs father. This was the first time Me meeting him ! Me and my friend sat in a booth (she was opposite me) and he came over and sat next to me, my friend introduced us.
we all got to talking and he was asking me a few questions , his face was turned towards my direction abs as I looked at him he winked at me with his left eye which was out of her view.
I assumed he was just being friendly, he said he would leave the both of us to enjoy our food so he looked at me and stretched his arms out for me to give him a hug to which I did but upon him getting up I literally saw him looking down my cleavage.
i honestly feel to say something but I don’t want to cause any hassle just because I’m overthinking.
shall I say anything or no ?

OP posts:
BananaCocktails · 13/03/2023 02:29

This is a hard one some people I know do give a wink and a hug as a form of a greeting

some men can’t help, but to look at cleavage if it’s there, but I would mention to her is he normally friendly in that manner?
just tell her, he winked and went to give you a hug, and is that normal for him ? I would be wary of mentioning my cleavage, but she might assume that you’re reading too much and are creating a problem some men just can’t help but look cleavage if It’s right there stupid I know

Original poster
Happygoluckymumm · 13/03/2023 02:35

@BananaCocktails when he left she was suprised and told me he’s never been nice to her other friends like this. So I don’t think he’s normally that friendly with that being her response. Do you think I should mention it to her at all ? Or shall I just forget it x

OP posts:
discobrain · 13/03/2023 02:42

I'd tell her.

Eyerollcentral · 13/03/2023 03:19

I mean what are you going to say? He winked at me and looked at my boobs? I wouldn’t say anything, I’m not excusing it but if you are wearing a top which shows cleavage heterosexual men will look at it. I would keep an eye on it, if she raises any concerns or anything further happens say something then. But seems a bit much on what happened here. I’m sure she will realise soon enough, I doubt you are the only woman he winks or pervs at

Summer2424 · 13/03/2023 03:21

Hi @Happygoluckymumm i wouldn't say anything. It might come across as you're reading too much into it x

Original poster
Happygoluckymumm · 13/03/2023 03:54

@Eyerollcentral but you could barely see cleavage because I was wearing a jacket which I didn’t take off… there was only a small opening which he still managed to look down at and Thankyou xx

OP posts:
JunkinDonuts · 13/03/2023 03:58

1/10 for effort op.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 13/03/2023 03:58

JunkinDonuts · 13/03/2023 03:58

1/10 for effort op.

Agreed.

MulletAndMustache · 13/03/2023 03:59

🙄

Eyerollcentral · 13/03/2023 04:03

Happygoluckymumm · 13/03/2023 03:54

@Eyerollcentral but you could barely see cleavage because I was wearing a jacket which I didn’t take off… there was only a small opening which he still managed to look down at and Thankyou xx

It’s a bit confusing how you actually spotted this glance then tbh. I was going to ask if the top was tight but I get the feeling you’d say it was billowing. It could be he wasn’t intentionally looking at your well covered up tits at all OP. Even less reason to mention it tbh.

GBoucher · 13/03/2023 04:07

I wouldn't tell your friend. It may come across as you reading into things too much and trying stir up problems in her relationship. I'd probably try to avoid him in future though. Of course, you can't help randomly running into him like you did this time, but I wouldn't visit them at their home for example, or something like that where there is a reasonable probability of your encountering him.

Phoebo · 13/03/2023 04:10

I wouldn't say anything, shoot the messenger and all that. If he's a perve, I'm sure she already knows. It'll just embarrass her

Riapia · 13/03/2023 05:47

“There’s no such thing as an innocent wink. “
Ma Mary. Derry girls.

GoodChat · 13/03/2023 05:54

If it'd have bothered you you should have said something at the time.

Original poster
Happygoluckymumm · 13/03/2023 19:55

@GBoucher our kids are friends and I would like to have a play date one day. If there’s no issue why shouldn’t I go to her house ? She will always be there xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Happygoluckymumm · 13/03/2023 19:56

@GoodChat I was embarrassed to say anything in case I was over thinking

OP posts:
Original poster
Happygoluckymumm · 13/03/2023 19:57

@Phoebo i totally agree !

OP posts:
notthisagainforest · 13/03/2023 20:36

Omg seriously. Get a grip

Original poster
Happygoluckymumm · 13/03/2023 20:37

@notthisagainforest so you agree? I’m over thinking ?

OP posts:
missmollygreen · 13/03/2023 21:03

Man glances at cleavage.... shocker. Everyone looks at people/ body parts thet find attractive, its just human nature.

Now if he had commented on your boobs, made a grab or slapped your arse then thats a different matter.

So yes, yabu, dont say anything

Original poster
Happygoluckymumm · 13/03/2023 21:27

@missmollygreen but why did he need to wink at me. It’s odd

OP posts:
VestaTilley · 13/03/2023 21:29

I’d tell her.

Eyerollcentral · 13/03/2023 21:45

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