Going through tough time and boyfriend is not being supportive, does he truly care?

[Savgirly1]

Hi All,

NC for this as regular poster.

Just wanted some advice really... I've been with my bf for 5 years now and he's always been very bad at commuting, he's more of an introvert when it comes to discussions and he keeps his opinions to himself and overall a calm guy.

Of late, I've been having numerous family problems and I've been dealing with this and it's been quite hard on me and his relationship.

I've decided to stay with my family whilst they sort things out (we live in Cheshire and my family live in Wales), so it's about an hours drive on the motorway.

The thing is, I've been asking him to come visit to show his support and also keep my mind off things and he keeps saying he'll just see me when I'm back at our place. He knows I may well be helping with family for a good few weeks as I am the eldest sibling and my 2 younger sisters need care (they are under 10 and my parents aren't doing well).

Everything I call him he seems disinterested but what irks me is that he would travel hours on end to see mates or go shopping but when it's for me he would rather not and if the role was reversed I'd do all I could to be supporting to him and his family. It just seems carelss and selfish to me.

He also never really does anything romantic for me and has got used to me being a push over with certain things when effort is concerned.

He also had a few financial hiccups last year that I supported him with when no one else would, as that's what a relationship is.

I've also noticed that any time I mention how sad and overwhelming things are he seems annoyed like I'm bringing him down and I mentioned I feel like he has a lack of regard of my feelings, he seems to bring up things I've done that haven't been supportive to him in the past!

I'm just trying to evaluate if this is normal or If I am expecting too much? He makes it sound as if I am asking the world of him to come down 1 weekend whilst helping out at my parents and I just think it's a small ask.

Sorry for brambling on and thanks for listening, any advise welcomed!

Is he NT?

Hey not sure what that is sorry!

It does all seem to be about him, doesn't it? In my experience people generally don't change, they just become more entrenched into the same behaviour. If he's not thoughtful now, when you're really at the start of your relationship, how is going to be when you add in the pressure of having children and his life gets more curtailed? Not saying he can't change, but it doesn't happen very often.

I'd start by asking yourself if he was always going to be uninterested in your problems, would that be the relationship you'd want to be in for the next 40 years? Or would you want different or more?

NT= neuro typical, so isn't on the spectrum etc.
He might not want family drama. He doesn't sound caring or involved. He's treating you like a casual gf. As said, it will only get worse. He wants a easy, trouble free life.