Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel fed up with one sided friendship?

2 replies

twinklelight · 12/03/2023 21:01

NC for this.

Best friend (let’s call her Jane) and I met at college 12 years ago. We were each others MOH’s, have been on family holidays together etc. Throughout the friendship I’ve always kind of had the feeling that I contribute more to the friendship than she does but I just put this down to us being different types of people and tried not to let it bother me.

Jane has been going through a rough patch with her DH for a year. He moved out (his choice) while he decided what he wanted. I have been incredibly supportive of Jane, always available via message and phone call, meet up with her regularly to discuss the issues.

I live 30 mins away from her and it always seems to be me driving out my way to where she lives to meet her. I work full time and Jane works part time, however she looks after her twin DC’s on her non working days. I feel like there’s hardly any flexibility with where and when we meet up, she pressures me to take days off on her NWD and either I travel to meet her or we don’t meet at all.

I’m starting to feel a little bit used, like she’s treating me as some sort of therapist. I am more than happy to be supportive and give her advice, however she shows zero interest in my life. An example is we were messaging each other yesterday and I struck up a conversation regarding an important milestone in my DS’s life. She completely skimmed over it and started discussing arranging a night out because she’s fed up of DH.

I absolutely hate conflict so don’t really know what to do. I suppose I just needed to get this off my chest!

OP posts:
DuvetDownn · 12/03/2023 21:17

I would leave contacting her for a bit and wait for her to make contact. When she does wait for her to suggest meeting up and then give her a choice of two locations that work for you.

AllyArty · 12/03/2023 21:29

It’s very hard to change your behaviour towards your so called friend when she hasn’t treated you as well as you have treated her and it’s gone on for so long. If I were you I’d start to be unavailable from time to time. Also suggest (via text if easier) that she come to you for a change. See what sort of response you get.
We have all had friends who are more interested in themselves and their own problems.
Has she been there for you when you needed her? Has she picked up the phone when you have needed a friend? Does she make a fuss of you at your birthday?
When she sees you are not as available as you have been it will go one of two ways -either she will realise what a good friend you are and treat you with the kindness you deserve or she will try and reel you back in so as she can have you where she wants you. You deserve better. X

New posts on this thread. Refresh page