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Original poster

Feel like I’ve ruined the trip and feel so guilty

21 replies

J20spritz · 12/03/2023 19:19

It’s my birthday in a few days and my lovely DP has taken me on a wonderfully thought out weekend away in a little lodge in a picturesque location. Two nights, with today being our only full day. I feel so bad for him because a few things haven’t gone to plan.

  • he booked us a place with a hot tub, as he knows I love them, but it doesn’t work as we hoped. It’s one of those fire heated ones, and yesterday we had it going for 7 hours but it didn’t work as it was so cold. His plans haven’t gone to plan eg today was our only full day so he’d planned for us to be in the hot tub at sunset, but we didn’t have enough time to get it ready.
  • he’d thought out a meal for each night, he was cooking me my 2 favourite meals on each night. But the place is tiny, and the hobs are huge, and he couldn’t cook it properly last night as the chicken just seared and it smoked the place out and the food tasted terrible for it

He’s planned everything in advance, he had a bag full of food and snacks, he had a bag full of my favourite drinks for us to have a bit of a party but nothings gone his way and he told me this morning he felt awful about it but I told him it wasn’t his fault. I said we have a full day today and let’s make the most of it and have the best time.

But I woke up with a huge headache, and powered on. We went for a scenic walk and it was so lovely but I just felt my headache getting worse and worse. We walked uphill and that was it. I could barely see, my head felt like it was on fire. We were due to go to a pub for lunch but he had to drive me home, I was in an awful way. We got to the lodge and I was throwing up, crying, and my head was pounding. I’ve never felt so ill.

3 hours later and I’ve woken up to him rubbing my back and I’m so annoyed at myself. I feel like I’ve wasted half the day, and now we can’t even drink like he planned because I still have a bit of a headache.

I know people can’t help being ill, and he’s been so reassuring, but I can’t help but feel so guilty. He’s tried so hard, nothings gone his way and now I feel like I’ve made it even worse. How do I get past the guilt?!

OP posts:
PaigeMatthews · 12/03/2023 19:22

I dont know why you feel so guilty. You were ill. Cannot be helped. And the rest had absolutely nothing to do with you.

are you often anxious?

LovedmyRaleighChopper · 12/03/2023 19:25

God it does sound grim. I’d just reiterate to him how grateful you are to have a dp who’s so incredibly thoughtful ( he’s not so organised or he’d have been aware of the hot tub operation but obviously don’t mention that). I mean he sounds lovely and he really tried, just everything that could go wrong did. This weekend will be something you’ll laugh about in the future, wait and see! Maybe a long time in the future.

Sapphire387 · 12/03/2023 19:25

Errrr... this is your birthday trip, not sure why you're panicking so much about how he feels. Is he feeling guilty for the whole hot tub thing or the cooking thing?! Not saying he should, just saying you seem to feel a lot of guilt over random stuff that isn't your fault.

FictionalCharacter · 12/03/2023 19:27

You had a severe headache, no need to feel guilty about spoiling the day. That’s quite an unhealthy way to think.

Companyofwolves · 12/03/2023 19:30

Don’t worry this will be one of those times you’ll laugh about in the future. Such a shame as he’s gone to a lot of trouble & you being sick -it’s just bad luck that’s all. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself /guilt yourself over it & put it down to just bad luck. Isn’t he laughing about it too now? There seems to be a lot of pressure - just let it go hardly the worst thing that could happen - you can’t control when you’re ill & how badly it will hit.

Sittingonabench · 12/03/2023 19:57

You get yourself better and in a rew weeks you take him out or cook him a meal in thanks for the effort. Things don’t always go to plan but he’s taken care of you when it went wrong which means even more

Doesthepopeshitinthewoods · 12/03/2023 20:17

That headache sounds awful. Do you get migraines? Rubbish timing.

Are you feeling better now? Can you have a nice evening and sort of bond over how disastrous it’s been?

tothelefttotheleft · 12/03/2023 20:37

Sometimes when everything goes wrong these are the times you remember and look back on and laugh about. Eventually!

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 12/03/2023 20:42

I think it's quite normal to feel annoyed and upset that a weekend away has essentially been ruined, even if the circumstances are outside of your control?

Be kind to yourself OP. When you get back, order from your favourite takeaway place, watch some favourite tv and go to bed early. You'll be able to laugh in time.

And happy birthday!

DuvetDownn · 12/03/2023 20:45

Like a PP said you’ll laugh about it in years to come.
Hope you’re feeling better soon and your DP sounds like a keeper.

Hawkins003 · 12/03/2023 20:47

J20spritz · 12/03/2023 19:19

It’s my birthday in a few days and my lovely DP has taken me on a wonderfully thought out weekend away in a little lodge in a picturesque location. Two nights, with today being our only full day. I feel so bad for him because a few things haven’t gone to plan.

  • he booked us a place with a hot tub, as he knows I love them, but it doesn’t work as we hoped. It’s one of those fire heated ones, and yesterday we had it going for 7 hours but it didn’t work as it was so cold. His plans haven’t gone to plan eg today was our only full day so he’d planned for us to be in the hot tub at sunset, but we didn’t have enough time to get it ready.
  • he’d thought out a meal for each night, he was cooking me my 2 favourite meals on each night. But the place is tiny, and the hobs are huge, and he couldn’t cook it properly last night as the chicken just seared and it smoked the place out and the food tasted terrible for it

He’s planned everything in advance, he had a bag full of food and snacks, he had a bag full of my favourite drinks for us to have a bit of a party but nothings gone his way and he told me this morning he felt awful about it but I told him it wasn’t his fault. I said we have a full day today and let’s make the most of it and have the best time.

But I woke up with a huge headache, and powered on. We went for a scenic walk and it was so lovely but I just felt my headache getting worse and worse. We walked uphill and that was it. I could barely see, my head felt like it was on fire. We were due to go to a pub for lunch but he had to drive me home, I was in an awful way. We got to the lodge and I was throwing up, crying, and my head was pounding. I’ve never felt so ill.

3 hours later and I’ve woken up to him rubbing my back and I’m so annoyed at myself. I feel like I’ve wasted half the day, and now we can’t even drink like he planned because I still have a bit of a headache.

I know people can’t help being ill, and he’s been so reassuring, but I can’t help but feel so guilty. He’s tried so hard, nothings gone his way and now I feel like I’ve made it even worse. How do I get past the guilt?!

It seemed you both love and care for each other and you spent time together , that is the main priority.

youshouldnthaveasked · 12/03/2023 20:47

He sounds lovely. Bless him for his efforts.

You were ill. Migraines are debilitating, don’t feel guilty. Hope you’re feeling better.

MoneyInTheBananaStand · 12/03/2023 20:50

I'm sorry your weekend hasn't gone to plan.

Posters are right, you'll laugh about this in years to come.

Your BF sounds like a keeper, I'm sure he doesn't mind you being ill, you've not done it on purpose. Let him look after you.

MissingMoominMamma · 12/03/2023 20:54

It sounds awful, but in the loveliest way. You both care! You will definitely look back on this and laugh (might take a while though 😂).

Salacia · 12/03/2023 20:54

You can’t help being ill.

I went on a similar trip with (now) DH not long after we started going out. I ended up with tonsillitis and DH drove miles round rural Derbyshire to find me pain killers. I remember being curled up in front of the fire unable to eat or drink the food he’d bought while he rubbed my back. It wasn’t the ideal weekend away but he was so lovely and caring it cemented all my feelings about him. If anything it made our relationship even stronger than if we’d had the nice romantic trip that was planned as I knew he’d be there for me for good or bad.

Hope you’re feeling better soon.

Original poster
J20spritz · 12/03/2023 21:08

Awww thanks all so much for the lovely comments. I feel much better, I do get migraines a fair amount. Having a quiet one tonight (and got the hot tub working!!) and DP is definitely a keeper 🥰
I do get anxious a lot so I don’t think that helped!

OP posts:
Original poster
J20spritz · 12/03/2023 21:09

@Salacia oh how lovely, sounds like a keeper!!

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 12/03/2023 21:10

It doesn’t sound like you have anything to feel guilty about; you’re feeling better now so enjoy your last night if you’re still there

Norriscolesbag · 12/03/2023 21:11

The only bad weekends away are the ones you spend arguing, they are ruined. Don’t worry OP.

Greentree1 · 12/03/2023 21:30

I got German Measles on honeymoon....

mumwon · 12/03/2023 22:13

Dear Op don't know what you are worrying about we have just celebrated our anniversary with a double dose of covid each.... you couldn't make it up could you? neither of us felt like eating and even tea tasted horrible.
:)
Seriously op the best plans etc - we intend celebrating with a meal out when we feel well enough (we are getting better and so will you)
Both you and I will laugh about this some day

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