Anxiety ruining my life

[sallycinammonbun]

I have anxiety that seems to come and go but in the last few years it's really impacting my life. There are so many things I want to do, places I want to go yet I don't because of my anxiety. I'm failing my kids and living a mundane life because of it.

Day to day I'm ok but I have this irrational fear of new places and new situations. I hate travel so things that should be enjoyable like holidays always start as an absolute ordeal. I have horrific panic attacks that make my heart race and make me nauseated and urgently needing a toilet. This is another reason I feel like I can't travel - if I'm on a train or a bus or even in the car I can't quickly escape to be sick or use the toilet which I often need to in the height of a panic attack.

I have tried citalopram which just altered my mood and didn't really help. I've tried CBT which did nothing whatsoever. I've tried yoga, meditation, breath work which don't seem to do anything. I have had some success with propranolol in that it slows my heart but it doesn't stop the gastro symptoms.

I just can't seem to get control of it so I've given up and am now spending my weekends at home or around my home. It's so dull. There's an event I'd love to go to in in a few weeks time and I just know I won't have the courage to do it.

Does anyone else experience anxiety like this? In my day to day life nobody would suspect a thing as I'm comfortable in my routine but try and get me out of my village or out of my usual schedule and I just go to shit. The amount of times I've made excuses or cancelled plans with friends, they've given up trying now because they think im just being flaky. Does anyone else have any tips or advice? I'm so sick of it.

Have you tried reading any books on anxiety. Paul David at last a life saved my life. I've struggled again developing health anxiety after the pandemic so I've recently been reading Claire weekes books. Basically it's about not caring. Because of past experiences you are building up new travel expecting these symptoms to come so your body is giving you then. To be blunt if you say to yourself right I might poo myself so what I just change my clothes. And actually not care about it then it won't happen. I know I've really simplified it but maybe read up on it. While you are scared of the anxiety you will still suffer. I know how hard it is so I apologise if I sound like I'm making it easy but maybe have a look at either of these authors. Paul David does have a Facebook page. Good luck xx

How old are you? Could it be perimenopause?

Try sertraline; it’s different to citalopram and I swore by it. Helped my PND and anxiety a lot.

My anxiety is nowhere near as severe, but it’s not great. Stomach turning to water, rising panic, intrusive thoughts, fixating on how much I loathe my DH. It’s tough. I don’t want to take meds long term, but I would recommend sertraline to get you back on an even keel, then slowly reduce the dosage and combine with therapy.

Please don’t let it stop you living your life; you’ll so regret it when your DC are older.

Paul David 'At Last a Life' really was the turning point for me.

Me 2. If I ever met that man I would throw my arms around him. Glad he helped you too. Xx

Yes - I suffer like this. It's been building for just over a year and I almost reached breaking point. I too just hide in my house at the weekend. I just want my bed all the time.
I'm on the waiting list for CBT but used the Boots online doctor to start sertraline. I started a month ago and I'm just beginning to increase the dose - which makes me worse for a few days but I do think it's making a bit of a difference. In another couple of months hopefully I'll feel a big difference. Good luck - thanks for the book recommendation everyone. Going to buy it.

Sorry you feel like this. I felt my anxiety spiralling recently and had a neuro linguist programming session with an approved therapist and it’s only been a couple of weeks, so early days, but I feel it has really helped. Perhaps you could perhaps look into it to see if it’s for you?

Hi OP
Have you thought of trying Hypnotherapy? It can be really good for this kind of issue. It works by gently helping you to find the initial cause or event(s) and then reframing your thoughts of that event. Look for a good hypnotherapist in your area - your GP may be able to give you some names - and give it a go! Good luck x

Anxiety is horrible and can be crippling. I went back to the GP this week to discuss options as my anxiety has had a massive flare up over the last week or two. I was already on a low dose of sertraline for depression/anxiety and she told me to double it and monitor the symptoms. It’s been nearly a week and touch wood it seems to be helping? Have been more motivated and less paralysed by indecision and overthink.

Sure, anxiety is the bane of my life. I think it’s made worse by the noisy, fast-paced, overcrowded world we live in. The population of my home town has trebled during my lifetime. What used to be a sleepy market town now has the population of a small city. The traffic is a living hell, and the area in which I live is just a sea of ghastly rabbit hutch houses jammed onto every available piece of land. Even driving to work is an ordeal. My nerves are frazzled by the time I pull into the feckin car park.

I am reading a couple of 19th-century novels atm (Dickens and Thomas Hardy), and it strikes me how calm and peaceful life in Britain used to be. Hard, yes, but quieter and slower paced.

There is no simple answer. You have to fight it all day every day. Meditation helps (try Mark Williams on YouTube - best guided meditation I have ever found). And reading helps too. Best thing I ever did was give up newspapers and massively reduce screen time. I now limit myself to no more than an hour of screen time a day. I bury myself in books instead, especially Jane Austen, the Brontes, Dickens, etc. And I will lay for an hour or more in the bath listening to Stephen Fry read Sherlock Holmes or P G Wodehouse. It is soothing to escape into a world of horses and log fires and genteel manners. I can’t recommend it highly enough.

You poor thing, I can totally identify. I hate travelling, I feel exactly the same. Staying in my local area I am fine, going anywhere else, new things, I hate it.

I have been on citalopram for years, it helps a little but not a lot.

What I have been doing is forcing myself to go through with what scares me, because I don't want it to ruin my life (I have had it at varying degrees for 19 years!) or impact on my children's lives. I know that is so much easier said than done - believe me I do. Only yesterday we travelled for 2 hours for a day out and I was a mess. BUT once we got there and I carried on with the day, I felt much better. By avoiding the situation, we send a signal to our brain that we are in danger in that situation and therefore we avoid it more. If we put ourselves in that situation more and more, the anxiety will eventually subside as we realise we are safe and there is no danger there.

As I said, this is absolutely shit to do and it is horrible and so unfair that others can carry on as normal and we have to struggle so much with day to day activities but it really is starting to work.

Sending lots of love. If you can get access to SilverCloud it's a really good anxiety tool. I think a HCP has to give you access but worth looking into.

I feel your pain. Was crippled by anxiety for most of 2022. Podcast The Anxiety Guy I found very useful. Also use thought blocking, random numbering, journaling. PM me if you want a chat.

I feel your pain. All I would say is that hiding away will cause more harm than good. I have to force myself to do things sometimes and accept I may feel discomfort. Often it is much better than I was expecting. Sometimes (especially when with friends) I manage to forget my anxiety for a period of time which is great. I have done the medication thing but therapy has helped. What helped a lot was volunteering. Helping others takes the mental focus off yourself for a time and you also feel good doing it. Getting outside and exercising helps. Gardening has been really helpful for me - something about working with soil is theraputic! Not smoking or drinking and eating well makes a big difference. I've had a lot of issues with acid reflux and indigestion and for some reason that always makes my anxiety worse so dealing with that helped too.

I had a massive panic attack at an airport when I was travelling alone, and it triggered anxiety, which Ive been tackling ever since.
I'm now 8 years on and feeling really good, but only last week was presenting in a meeting at work and felt that familiar wave of panic come over me. I have better coping mechanisms now though, so don't run out of the room like I used to (which worsens anxiety as it creates a negative feedback loop).
The toilet issue is huge for me too, and it's hard to explain to someone WHY you want to be so close to a toilet at all times. So in the past I've joked about "Sorry, I've got such a TINY bladder!" I've not - that's just more familiar to people than "I have generalised anxiety and it makes me need to wee/feel sick/panic about access to a toilet".
What's worked for me? I've had £3000 of CBT, hypnotherapy and talking therapy, and I'd say WAY over and above it all is the impact I feel from cutting out alcohol and caffeine. If I have something coming up - a holiday, an interview, a presentation - I'll cut out alcohol and caffeine for a week beforehand and it literally switches off my anxiety.
I also did a lot of work around accepting myself and not beating myself up for my flaws. Perhaps the talking therapy did help with this.
Then this bit is specific to me - I put myself through a course for people who are chronically afraid of public speaking. That was one area of my anxiety that was holding me back at work. The course was lifechanging.
Finally, I left my very pressured job and moved into something less stressful. It's still a corporate role and something I'm proud to do, but it's a bit more relaxed and the firm has a less fiercely ambitious culture.
Basically I've attacked the anxiety from a number of angles over many years and I'm getting there. It's a nightmare though as, once you've triggered anxious thinking in your brain, it's hard to get it to switch off.
Hang in there though OP. There are millions of people dealing with anxiety, so you aren't alone, and there's lots you can do to tackle it.

What's worked for me

Low level anxiety
Swimming friends nature dog
High level anxiety brought on by circumstances
Sertraline. Amazing drug!!!

I honestly could have written your post word for word.
I decided one day enough was enough and asked myself if I wanted to look back on my life listing all the stuff I missed out on.
I spoke to an amazing GP and accepted there are some people that no amount of CBT or hypnotherapy or breathing techniques (tried them all) will ever help.
I’ve taken a low dose of antidepressant for years now and whilst I still have those uncomfortable moments or flashes of fear, I feel like myself and able to have a life that isn’t planned around escape and sitting nearest the door etc.
I was lucky that the one I was prescribed worked for me but I know it’s quite normal to have to try a couple before you find the right one.
Sending you an arm around the shoulder, it really is an awful way to feel x

I really really appreciate all of these replies. I am reading them and making notes. I am only mid 30's so not likely peri menopause and I have suffered with this on and off for years anyway. I do totally believe it's a cycle of fear - I have a bad experience so expect a bad experience next time. And when it happens it reinforces that my fear is real and that I should just stay in my safe spaces.

I honestly never could have imagined the extent of the physical symptoms that mental health issues can create. The panic is awful especially the retching and the toilet issue. I have tried approaches where you are supposed to sit with the anxiety feelings and accept them but when you feel like you might shit yourself any second it's a lot easier said than done. I become preoccupied with finding an exit route and a toilet. Its just awful. The sad thing is that after the initial panic I tend to be ok. So on a day out for example I may have a major panic on the way there in the car but once we arrive I relax and enjoy my day . But the fear of those initial panics is so great that I just put the whole thing off.

I agree life is really too short and I'm making myself feel miserable and unfulfilled. Also filling those gaps with other things like food and booze which absolutely won't be helping.

Please could I ask the details of the course you did on public speaking? My anxiety in general holds me back and I can relate alot to the OP but one of my biggest anxieties is public speaking.

Yes of course. The guy's name is John Dawson and he runs 2-day courses in Bristol, Manchester and London. His website is www.speaking-infront.co.uk/john-dawson

@sallycinammonbun - have a look at this video; 18 minutes that could well change your life 😊

just wanted to say i really felt this post. like every word of it. you are not alone at all😊. the way you described your anxiety, being fine day to day but completely spiraling when plans or travel come up... that is exactly how mine works too.
i have canceled so many things last minute and people just stopped asking after a while. it sucks. and yes, the panic attacks where your stomach goes😫, your heart races, and you feel like you need to escape but you can not—that fear literally rules your life after a while.
i also tried CBT, meds, breathing... all of it. some helped a little, some felt useless. and it gets to a point where you feel like maybe this is just who you are now. which is a horrible place to be in.
one thing that helped a bit for me was trying to stop fighting the anxiety itself. like instead of trying to "fix" it, just letting myself ride it out like a wave. also, writing things out helped more than talking for me. i found out there are actually text based support things now, not therapy exactly but mental health help that works better for people who freeze in conversation. especially for folks with social anxiety or travel fear. I found this write up about how that kind of student mental health service has been helping a lot of people, might be worth looking at:

you are clearly trying so hard 😥 and the fact that you posted all this shows you still care. even if you skip the event, it does not mean you failed🤗. some days are just about surviving the hour😇. be gentle with yourself. really.

I relate a lot, but it might be a slightly different situation. I've been like this my whole life and always diagnosed with various anxiety disorders (I e agoraphobia) until I was recently diagnosed as autistic. So I don't know if what helps me will help you.

I find I do better the more familiar a route gets. Of course that doesn't help everything... Not like I can "practice" going on holiday or to the seaside (would be nice though!) but I can with going to the next city, or other more local places outside of my comfort zone.

I know doing it sounds horrific, but sadly it's about pushing yourself. I hate it. I hate the practising. But I hate it a little less the more familiar I get with a journey, or route... So it's not so new anymore.

I also plan before I go. Look at maps, even pictures. My partner and I went to an event earlier in the year, somewhere I'd never gone before. We got a map of the area, looked online for pictures of the events venue so I knew what it would be like. We rang ahead of time and asked for location of toilets as we couldnt see those on pictures.

Sadly I don't think l ever be able to do new places on my own. I always need someone with me, even with familiar places. I can only go on my own to places very close and I'm very familiar with, like the park bench around the corner.

Practising things also seems to help a little with new things regardless. For example, we recently went to our wedding (next week! I'm already calling him husband haha) venue for the first time. I handled it really well, and I think it's because I've been building my resilience by practising other places and routes. Still wasn't entirely pleasant though... And won't be on the day either, but I'll put a smile on and get through lol.

So.. Maybe a little practising might help you too?