Porn

[Alleycat12]

Hi all my husband watches porn every now and then which I don't mind. However the other night he was searching on his phone for porn local to our area and also tried to find a girl we know as he knows she posts sexy photos but he couldn't find her as had forgotten her name on instagram. This feels like a step further than just random porn on the internet. Does anyone else agree?

Porn is a total dealbreaker for me to begin with.

I would be very unhappy about what he's done looking for the local girl too. How did you find out?

I know, he was trying to find her underwear photos she posts on there

Yes I agree. This has gone from anonymity to.making it personal if he is searching for someone he knows. Disrespectful.

I was looking at his phone in front of him,
We've never hidden anything before and I saw it on his search history. I've told him I'm upset and we've not really talked today. I don't know what to say or how to move on really

Brilliant reply sums it up perfectly

You're being unnecessarily picky. He was looking for wank fodder from someone they both know.
OP is would be a step too far for most people. It's for you to set your boundaries.

@BCBird that is it exactly! Thank you

@Ponoka7 thank you!

Time for a clear conversation to explain how this makes you (rightly) feel.

If he's a decent husband he'll acknowledge the issue and stop

@Butterlover1 thank you. I know he feels bad and has apologised a few times but I just don't know how to be normal with him right now. It's just a step too far. I don't feel ready to accept his apology and move on but equally I just want us to be normal with each other. Wish I hadn't seen it really!

@Alleycat12 I can see why that's upsetting , totally different to watching anonymous porn . What's he actually said apart from sorry ?

It depends on how you frame porn. If you object because you think it is a fetishising cess pit filled with trafficked women, then I expect porn use alone would hit your threshold for uncomfortable usage.

If you think the limitation of harm around porn is restricted to the potential to cause you hurt feelings, then yes...I suspect it could be considered worse.

@mycatsanutter just that he understands why I am upset and that it won't happen again. This was last night but I haven't really wanted to talk to him today so we've been overly polite when needing to talk. Not a lot else he can say really and I do trust him, I guess I just feel a bit sad and don't know how to move on yet

God this is so gross. You deserve better than this. Not all men behave like this btw.

Porn is porn, but I have to say searching for local porn providers adds a layer of weirdness. I am assuming you don’t think he’s also looking for sex workers and it’s just a curiosity/kink thing, but.. yep, it’s odd.

Thanks for your replies everyone

What the hell is porn local to your area? Tina getting shagged in the local Tesco or Brian getting a blowjob outside the library?

He was searching porn and then our city name

YANBU. But YABU for tolerating pornography. It’s inherently exploitative and damaging to all women.

Why does everyone always say 'tell him how you feel?' Lol. As if he doesn't know. Men just do not give a flying fuck about any of this. This is like the 100000000000 billion thread on this subject. He'll feel a little guilty (maybe), promise not to do it then do it anyway...

Sorry OP. Hope you feel better soon.💐

@ehsouh you're spot on! Thank you

Really?

This.

Porn is a deal breaker for me, would rather be single