What do I do to help dd

[Janegoldberg]

Back story

ex bf we ended up falling out over her daughter continually bullying min after this woman sent me vile messages about my child I blocked her on everything

a year later it’s still going on despite my daughter moving friendgroups she seems intent on ruining my daughters well-being
lately
she has messaged my daughters new school friend to get her to stay over - when that didn’t work she got a mutual friend to do it and then told the school friend their lies about us

another girl at school told my daughter that this girl goes round saying she hates her

today she was up town with a friend and then this girl and a big group of girls were in a shop my dd left then they followed her and her friend around town and intimidate them.
what can I do about this?

This is harassment, how old are they?

I might try reporting to the police if there is in-person intimidation now.

They are 12! Are they going to listen though?

Well my dd is 11, nearly 12 other girl is just turns 13
if after a year it hasn’t stopped when will it

Aibu to issue a formal letter from a solicitor or someone to say stop ?

I'd go to her door if and take it out on the sick bitch's face if she was fucking with my daughter like that.

I'd approach school first. This is bullying and they will take it seriously even if at least some of it happens outside school.

However, I teach and parents are often shocked to hear that their child may be at fault too, may have done similar things to the other child. Obviously that is not necessarily the case here but just be aware that there might be a bit more to it.

If I thought it would help I would

They don’t go to the same school

the reason I know my child hasn’t is because I have seen evidence and she actually would love to speak to this girl again!

LMAO sure Hulk Hogan.

Oh your poor dd. Are you asking for coping strategies or pissible solutions?
On the potential solution side, would approaching the bully's school be an option? Bully might be bully at their school too.
Or ask your school for advice...

Omg POSSIBLE solutions not pissable sorry

Oh different schools. Yes, that does make it harder.

I don't think police would do anything for 'inviting DD's friend round and then telling friend lies about her.'

It's annoying but not illegal.

I think give her strategies for dealing with it - nothing she can do about her friend wanting to socialise with the other girl, nothing she can do about ex friend saying she hates dd (the feeling is probably mutual) but what could she do if their paths cross in town again.

Obviously, any threat or physical attack would be police.

How is she getting the contact details for DDs friends if they go to different schools?

If they are following her and harassing her then encourage your Dd to do into areas with cctv and then report to the police.

If your looking for coping strategies it's best your DD ignores it. Don't even look in their direction when out and certainly do not respond to vocal interactions or messages via SM.

Most bullies get bored if they are ignored and don't get the reaction they want.

If they did it when in school uniform I'd report it to the girls school as schools have rules about bringing school into disrepute whilst in uniform.

I think following someone around in town is harassment - if it was happening to me I would report. Very difficult with young people as the police don't want to criminalise (for understandable reasons) what is often immature behaviour.

I don't agree about ignoring, people have said that forever but it just puts the blame on the victim IMO.

@DevantMaJardin I think the protective way most parents feel about their kids, could well and truly turn them in to hulk hogan, yes.

I do agree about ignoring but when you're talking about a 12yo girl at another school, so limited opportunities for interaction, it might be the best way to get her to lose interest.

Very difficult to get to the bottom of these things.

This girl's mum said horrible things to op about op's dd. Presumably, she genuinely feels that op's dd has done something wrong in order to do that.

This girl 'tells lies' about what happened between them but I'd bet anything that she thinks she's right.

This girl says she hates op's dd - presumably, she feels that op's dd has done something wrong.

I expect op's dd is also out there telling her version of events (that the other girl will consider 'lies') and that she hates ex friend too.

I know I am projecting, but hard not to when youve seen a version of this dozens of times.

I do wonder why DD's friend is now socialising with this girl - not much of a friend.

The harassment in town is the worst thing imo and an escalation. Unlikely to be in uniform as the weekend. She needs strategies if it happens again.