Help me support a friend with breast cancer 🎀

[crochetmonkey74]

Friend of mine for 20 years. We are not best friends but we have had lovely times together and shared lots over the years. She has had a recent diagnosis of breast cancer. She is in shock of course as she has 3 young boys.
I feel clunky in my interactions with her. I don't want to send constant 'how are you feeling ?' Texts but equally, our normal texting seems too trivial (sending each other funny articles or pics etc) she's in the stage of having lots of scans and tests to ascertain what she is dealing with, and don't want to ask for updates etc. Anyone who has been in a similar position, what helped you? What sort of messages did you like?

Everyone is different, but for me just knowing friends/family were thinking of me helped me through that stage of diagnosis. Also if you're near enough, could you offer any help with day to day things, or lifts to appointments? Again i had this from my friends, and although I didn't take everyone up on their offers, it was nice to think they were there for me if I needed them.

Thanks this is a good one. I can definitely offer this

Try not to treat her any differently. I got so many head tilts when I was in treatment. Keep texting her funny stuff!
When I've had friends who've been diagnosed I've given nice boxes of things to help, offered company, been a shoulder to cry on if necessary.

Keep in touch. You could send breezy texts/emails with a "just checking in!" vibe, such as forwarding a funny article that you think she'd enjoy.

It's important to let her take the lead. If she wants to talk about tests or treatment you're available to listen. If she'd rather be distracted by mundane chit chat you're up for that too.

Just keep the lines of communication open and let her know you're there for her.

’Breezy texts’. Fuck no.

@Pottedpalm Lighthearted? Did I use " breezy" wrong?

I've had breast cancer and several supposed friends hardly contacted me so it's great you're being proactive. You don't need to text every day (unless that's normal) but just keep in contact, even lighthearted stuff like cat photos is good, don't ignore the cancer stuff so do ask how she is, you may need to take her lead how much she wants to share/not share. Check in after appointments. Don't offer advice eg. how about kale soup etc
If you're local, offer practical help eg. lifts, childcare, shopping, cooking but nothing that will add to her mental load.