to not want to acknowledge work colleagues' birthdays, never mind contribute to a collection?

[Toddlerone]

I am part of a team at work. We all get on just fine but I don't consider any of them my friends. We never socialise. There's about 12 of us, with other 'satellite' members. Within the team, there's a couple of stronger friendships and they do things outside of work. This bothers me zero.

I like that we've never done the whole whip round for birthdays to get flowers/card for the birthday person. I mean for starters we would be doing it constantly. But also, for me specifically, I hate it because I am an introvert, but also my birthday falls on a holiday and it's always been ignored.
In previous teams I have found myself contributing throughout the year, only to have my own birthday ignored because it falls in the holidays.

Anyway, to the point.

Recently a member of the team who has a strong friendship with another whose birthday is coming up, has emailed us all to say that she's going to get her a gift (don't want to say what it is because it might be outing but it will not be less than £100) and that it would be nice to do a collection (with the disclaimer of 'no obligation of course'). This has annoyed me a bit. I feel that there shouldn't be exceptions.

If there's an agreement that we do this as a team, I would go along with it, grudgingly, but I would.

However, why should it happen but some but not others?

I also feel that it's inappropriately expensive for work colleagues and in the current climate it is actually in bad taste.

I also feel that the person organising this is doing it for self gratification and to get attention for how lovely they are, and also for someone to do the same for them when the time comes. Or am I an utter bitch?

No you are not an utter bitch.

I feel the same, I hate the pressure of these collection things...it's almost always about self gratification for the collector...

I never contribute to school teacher contributions done by pushy PTA mums....we'll choose our own bloody gift thanks.

Don't question yourself, if that's how you feel than it's valid.

I would hate this too. People should just arrange things for their own friends, not a general collection. I am happy to sign a card though (or contribute to a retirement present or if someone is long term sick or a work related event such as passing a big exam). Not birthdays and also not really weddings.

I always write in a card if one goes round, but I don't contribute for birthdays, weddings, retirements, leaving or babies. I only contribute for bereavement flowers as a personal policy. No one has ever said anything to me about it or even seemed to notice. Team of less than 20.

I just delete the emails as they come in

Not interested in all that malarkey

Ah okay. I really thought I was going to be in the minority here, but it's clear I am not.

With some of my close friends, we exchange gifts. With others, I might buy flowers. With others, I might pay for their coffee when we meet, etc. Why should I fork out for work colleagues that mean absolutely nothing to me?

Why are you grudgingly contributing when you clearly don’t want to? If you’re not comfortable don’t do it. Don’t say I also feel that it's inappropriately expensive for work colleagues and in the current climate it is actually in bad taste as you will sound like a right killjoy. Just tell them you have other commitments this month or that you’re cutting back as you’re saving for something. Or you could just tell them that you begrudge contributing as your birthday is always forgotten.

For me, the baby ones are worse - in the last year in my department there’ve been 15 babies born - 15 x mat leave gifts and 15 x new baby gifts, it’s eye watering.

We don’t do birthdays but there’s a Workplace Militia who pressure the hell out of us all to go all out for babies. Does my head in. I stopped doing it months ago but they still pop up with their big sad eyes every month or two when another baby is imminent.

I second other posters - politely refuse, COL
etc!

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I'm sure many feel the same

It's the same at my place. Popular staff always get a collection, but I recently had a big birthday and no one bothered, but then I hadn't really mentioned it to many people.
It just means that I won't bother putting in for collections from now on. It will save me some money!

I hate work collections.
At my place of work I seem to constantly be given, so I've now started saying no.

Yanbu. I dropped out of our work birthday collections. Others soon followed and then it stopped completely.
I get on fine with them but have no interest in giving or recieving gifts.

I would say “ I’m going to sit this one out as it gets a bit much doing collections for every birthday in the team and I’ve enough birthdays in my family and friendship group so really don’t want to add the additional annual expense. Plus, where my birthday falls means it’s always ignored anyway.”

I agree with you here. Just keep out of it and make it clear your not expecting anything yourself . I must've contributed hundreds to collections like these over the years . The I retired in the lock down and got sweet FA ! Don't be a mug !

Bad of them not to do it in the holidays. I go away for my birthday most years as I hate celebrating it.

My old boss and current boss are lovely and I usually come home to a bottle of champagne or a nice hamper they've had delivered for me. Sometimes they even wait until the week I'm back. It's appreciated.

Do you guys chip in for birthdays every year? At my workplace we only buy gifts for milestone birthdays, the other "mundane" birthdays aren't celebrated, you only bring sweets or cakes to the office if you feel like doing so. The whole idea of having gift picked already is bizzare. You make collection and then decide what to buy depending how much money you have. If you don't feel like contributing, don't. She said "no obligation" then be it.

I dont do office work now op but god constant collections.. you be sick it. You def pressured into them. I hated it if Im honest. And no end to them if a large office.

I don't think I had any idea when the birthdays of my colleagues were when I was working and I was there almost 20 years, I may have known if one of my own Department had a big birthday. One chap only told us the week before that he was getting married, the rest of the staff didn't know until we returned in September.