Birthday

[laurwalsh]

Basically it's my 40 birthday today. I've had a really lovely two weekends visiting my best friend in London, and yesterday meet my other two besties who brought me for lunch, gifted me a beautiful bracelet and we all went for a massage. Bliss I know. It was amazing and such a wonderful treat. My partner, dada of my two kids is great. And I love him so much. And this morning I received flowers and homemade cards that he got made with photos of us all. The photo shop collage type thing. But no present. I don't want to feel like this and hate feeling spoilt. But I just feel sad. And I hate I feel ungrateful but imagined a thoughtful present. I bought him golf lessons for his snd organised a party of his mates in his favourite pub. I'll be honest he's been amazing and supported me through tough addiction issues. So I always feel on the back foot and probably with good reason. I'm also not in contact with my family due to trauma and just dysfunctional bs which he has also been an incredible support throughout. Maybe that makes me put you much focus on him. Basically AIBU feeling disappointed. It's material and I don't need or want for anything. He's just popped out for a game of golf and then we're having a family day out. I want to put this negative feeling aside or would you feel a bit disappointed.

Happy Birthday but sorry YABU. He looked after the kids for 2 weekends so you could celebrate with friends. He made cards with the kids and bought flowers. There’s a familiar day out later. When it was his birthday you didn’t get him a physical present so there’s also a precedent that’s been set by you. Hope you have a lovely day today, you’d be silly to let this ruin it.

I think you’re being a bit unreasonable about the gift but only if he planned the family day out together? Because to me it’s about the effort they put into celebrating you rather than material things.

However I did question that he’s gone out for a game of golf on your birthday. I would be disappointed by that because to me, birthdays should be focused on the birthday person. I’m sure he plays golf regularly and didn’t need to play on your special day

Yabu

Thank you posters you have totally sorted my stupid wandering head out! Really appreciate your honest but kind feedback. And you will help me turn my thoughts back around to the positives! ☀️

Maybe he’s not really playing golf, maybe he’s putting the final touches to a birthday surprise?

Yabu, and ‘dada’ made my teeth itch.

Lol fair enough

No it's definitely golf. But I actually don't mind that. It's only 9 holes and will set him up for the day.

I do wonder if we have high expectations for our birthdays especially the "big" birthdays.

happy birthday OP!

Goodness, how much do you need for your birthday? He’s provided childcare two weekends, he’s gifted you flowers, he’s made up bespoke cards and you need more?

bloody hell. How grabby

I don't think it's grabby to want a birthday present from a partner but I think maybe we do just have high expectations.

For DH birthday recently I took him away for an overnight trip and we had a day out both days and I bought him gifts, things I knew he wanted, for my birthday, a few weeks later, we went out for a meal and he bought me a few gifts but spent less overall as obviously an overnight stay costs more but I was clear that I didn't expect the same in return. I booked the trip away for me and him and our child to
enjoy so was almost an excuse to get away and do something together, not purely a gift for him, although was a gift as was somewhere he wanted to go and I paid. I also didn't want lots of gifts that I wouldn't use or need so he bought me a few things I had asked for (say 3 x £20 plus a meal plus tickets to a show which I think is enough! The meal was somewhere I had always wanted to go.

Just to put it into perspective.

He looked after the kids for 2 weekends
He’s their dad! It’s not a wild expectation he looks after them sometimes.

Personally OP I wouldn’t be disappointed by a lack of actual present because I hate stuff, but DP knows this and we have the same discussion each birthday (What would you like? Literally nothing except less clutter in the house). But even if that’s the case, you got him a non-physical gift, the golf – he could have easily done the same for you. Looking after his own kids occasionally is not the equivalent gift!

Happy birthday op!

I think you've got yourself a good one there. Your dp sounds lovely. His smaller gifts (flowers etc) were thoughtful and I'd have been chuffed with just that myself. My own dh bought me gold earrings on my 40th, I'm allergic to gold lol. Duffus he is. Thought was there though.

Hope you enjoy the rest of your day x

He's looked after his own kids. I don't think expecting a father to look after his own kids of a weekend is a big ask to be honest. If my dh went away and I looked after the dc I wouldn't expect him to be greatful for it or vise versa. I'm their parent as much as he is. It makes it sound like he was being oh so thoughtful- being a parent. No way would a mother get so much recognition if she looked after her dc for two weekends.

Ffwi I would have expected a present for my 40th birthday too OP.

I would have expected a gift too. Looking after his own kids and a bunch of flowers wouldn't cut it for me. I make an effort for DH and he does the same for me, even though it doesn't come naturally for him as his family were always crap about birthdays.

Honestly, I find photo collages or smartshow 3d type videos for birthdays to be very sweet, but everyone is different. Also I don't think a father staying with his kids is unusual it has to be considered a gift, so