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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think DS work are treating him like a mug

5 replies

ThatMam · 11/03/2023 22:06

DS is disabled and works with young people and adults who have the same disability as him, he also has a qualification in the same field.
He is good at his job and has feedback both from clients and professionals to say this.

The problem is his work continuously seem to underestimate or undermine him.
i.e they started a session specifically empowering people with his disability. They gave the running of this session to someone who has no experience or qualification and has only been there a short time because they did not want it to be too much for him but they did not even ask him how he would feel about doing it. The man who runs it is great but DS feels like he was passed over when he too could have been.

They ran a support session where young people could discuss the difficulties they faced socially and with their MH due to their disability, again he was not asked despite the fact he is the only one there who has actual personal experience of what it feels like to have that disability.

They went to a press event to represent support and awareness for the disability and ds was the only staff who was not invited. He was left at work alone to run the group that day.

On one hand they treat him like he is incapable and say it is because they do not want to overwhelm him but this does not seem to apply when they want him to do something which they do not want to do (i.e he is suddenly capable to work entirely alone on days they do not want to do)
There have also been incidents were he has been unhappy with their behaviour towards the disabled young people. eg shouting at DS when he has been trying to talk calmly to a young person rather than what they wanted him to do which was to restrain them and move them to another room (with no safe handling/restraint training) when the disabled person was not a danger to themselves or others.

A member of staff he works with constantly undermines ds and ignores what he says and frequently skives off leaving ds alone doing everything and management do nothing.

There are other examples which are not professional as such.
He found out that the entire staff had gone on a meal out and he was the only one not invited (it was an evening of a day he was not in work but he was not asked. There is a social media group for work and he is not in it and various other incidents.

aibu to think they are treating ds as a bit of a mug and if so how would you (as DS) handle it?

OP posts:
Murdoch1949 · 11/03/2023 23:40

Your son certainly seems to have a grievance. Could he start by writing an email to his line manager or HR, outlining his issues and asking for a meeting? Would he feel comfortable on his own or should a friend or you accompany him? Does he belong to a union, they can be brilliant supporters for all types of workplace injustice.

JMSA · 12/03/2023 08:57

How old is your son, OP? I'm sorry this is happening to him - it definitely sounds like he's being excluded. Even if they didn't like him, it's no excuse Sad

ThatMam · 12/03/2023 10:28

Thank you.
I have suggested to him that he says something to the main manager or at least emails them but the company is very small, has no HR department and all the staff are matey with each other so he feels anything he says will be passed to others. He is not in a union.

He is the youngest there and is 20. There are other staff a couple of years older than him and then the management. He has worked the longest there out of all the staff that are not management.

They have actually been mentioning going full time to him for a while now as currently he is part time but he feels that he is going to get passed by for every promotion because of his disability which is ironic given the work they do.

Because he is treated like that a baby by management (they are always nice to him do not get me wrong but he is always treated like he is a bit incapable unless it suits them) the other staff have started doing it also.
They do not listen to him and if he says something they go and ask another staff member and get the same answer. They even have a volunteer who is now answering DS back because he sees the others do it!
He has challenged behaviour of a client and been undermined in front of the client by a staff member who has only been there a few months.
for example a client hit him and he issued a warning to them as per protocol. The staff member told DS the client had not hit him hard, ds said he had and he was giving him a warning. The next time the client went to hit the staff member said to DS oh no you cannot touch DS name he is a wuss.

He has not left because he absolutely loves the clients and feels like he can help them because he understands but it is just all a bit crap!

OP posts:
custardbear · 12/03/2023 10:52

Does his role incorporate running and delivering programmes or wherever he's wanting to do?
It may just be others do that role anyway so it's their responsibility - do they use him to consult?
Also someone with a disability can identify, but possibly not from everyone's angle so sometimes it's better to use an independent person to ensure it's delivered across the board.
Just a few thoughts, may not be relevant tho

ThatMam · 12/03/2023 11:13

Thanks Custard.
I could fully understand the use of an independent person if they felt that would be better.
The issue is more that they are picking other people to deliver sessions because they 'do not want to overwhelm him' (their words) but are happy for him to be working completely on his own with other sessions or being left with volunteers when it suits them.

OP posts:
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