Work events and feeling left out

[andreee]

Need some unbiased views. At my workplace there are quite a lot of events for team building, nights out, meals out etc. Last year one of the managers had a night out in a big city and invited all the women for her birthday. She is catty at times but we get along so long as I don’t get in her way. She planned this on my actual birthday so I couldn’t go as I was away with DH. Her birthday is 3 weeks after mine. A few of the girls in the office asked why we couldn’t move it so I could join in but whatever, I didn’t go and we all moved on.

Then I didn’t end up going to the Christmas party last year because the same manager missed me off the email about sharing taxis etc and by the time I realised everyone had made plans it would have been extortionate for me to get a taxi on my own. I was a bit hurt that nobody said anything to me when they were booking taxis but again got over it, it was partly my fault for not asking until it was too late.

Last weekend everyone went to a team building event (all paid for by the company but people had to arrange car sharing etc as it was hours away), it was announced in February on a day I happened to be off work and nobody thought to tell me, but then there were no emails planning anything. I got a phone call from the director on the morning of the event asking where I was and I realised they were all doing something without me.

I am starting to think this is a pattern as this is the third event where I’ve felt a bit left out and like nobody really cared if I was there. I don’t feel like anyone hates me at work and everyone is friendly but my ‘work wife’ left last year and I don’t have any super close bonds with anyone else. I’ve been to events in the past and been included at all stages. I’m starting to wonder whether they actually don’t want me there any more for some reason. Is it just me?

Just seems like a coincidence to me. Unless it keeps happening going forward. Based on the three events so far, I'd say it's innocent.

I've been in a similar position and only got back in the swing of things when i made a concerted effort to socialise. But I had had a kid and was busy and eventually decided i couldn't be arsed, but it did make for a less engaged working environment. I doubt they don't care just that's bonds are often forged/strengthened with booze and socialising! Good luck

Doesn't sound like it, just bad luck/timing.

It does sound odd. PerhPs have a word with your LM or Director and ask that they denture details for further events are shared by email or discussed in team meetings so you're not missed out again.

Bring it up with your team leaders/managers. There should be a robust process for informing people about work events (that they can also use for things like birthday meals if they want).
There should be an email distribution list that someone keeps up to date with new-starters/leavers. And the person organising the event must give a latest date of reply, no reply is "I'm not coming" or they ask for 100% rsvp, with a deadline, and follow up the late replies.

It's really not rocket science.

“Last weekend everyone went to a team building event (all paid for by the company but people had to arrange car sharing etc as it was hours away), it was announced in February on a day I happened to be off work and nobody thought to tell me, but then there were no emails planning anything.”

^This isn’t right. So no one said anything about the event all this time and so you were never informed? That isn’t right at all.

Last weekend everyone went to a team building event (all paid for by the company but people had to arrange car sharing etc as it was hours away), it was announced in February on a day I happened to be off work and nobody thought to tell me, but then there were no emails planning anything. I got a phone call from the director on the morning of the event asking where I was and I realised they were all doing something without me.

This is totally unprofessional of whoever organised it. I'd be really upset. I work remotely in a different country to the office of the company I work for and still get invited to everything, even if it's highly unlikely I'll be able to attend. It's just courtesy on the part of the organiser.

Sounds like a coincidence. What I cant believe is there's been a team building event that there's been no emails about and not 1 person mentioned it in the office etc. So the day before the event, not 1 person mentioned that tomorrow is x event?

I think your best bet is to focus on your exclusion from the business activity. I’d follow-up on the team-building event with a breezy email saying something like

‘I was disappointed to miss out on taking part in the team building event last week as I was not in the office day it was communicated to colleagues. What process can be put in place to make this situation doesn’t arise in future, not just for me but for any other member of the team? Additionally, are there any outputs from the day that I need to be aware of?. Look forward to hearing from you.’

I would feel relieved and I've been missed off stuff too so I know how it feels. Keep your head down & hope it continues!!

I find it really strange that there was a work team building event and no one ever spoke about it in the office. I had one recently and it’s all everyone spoke up for weeks.

What’s your office layout like? Do you only work from home?

You need to bring this up with management especially the work event that was paid by the company. It could actually reflect badly on you as if you couldn't be bothered to attend. You need to highlight what happened

I wouldn't be sending breezy mails about being left out of a "team building" event. I'd be writing to the organiser, my manager and the director and pointing out that excluding a member of the team is counter to what they were trying to achieve, if there is something they're not telling you and how they are going to approach/organise such events in the future.

Nothing breezy and "oh silly me" bollocks