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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

6 year old cant walk far days out are an issue

99 replies

TheStandardLife · 11/03/2023 15:38

Our sweet child has a rare autoimmune condition, from the outside she looks totally "normal" if you will, however from time to time it can really wipes her out.

Half term is coming up and I'd really like to take her to London and possibly a day trip to France.

The only thing is, she won't be able to walk all day. She will physically burn out especially if its cold she will just shut down.

We try to take breaks in the warm and have snacks ect and have a rest but its a big sensory overload for her aswell (recently diagnosed adhd has tics ect when anxious) so burn out from that also.

Last month we went to London we went to the natural history for an hour and then had a break and then went to see a show she fell asleep in the pram (please don't come for me) we then made our way home and she fell asleep again on the train, she wasn't even interested in the history museum she was too tried from the journey up.

I just don't know what to do, we don't own a pram I borrowed it from a friend just in case and to carry our picnic ect. She was only diagnosed with her autoimmune condition last year.

She just goes pale and cold and she needs to take a nap. A friend suggested ear deafenders for the journey and to just do one thing.

I just don't know what to do. A 6 year old in a pram isn't ideal. Shes quite tall too love her.

OP posts:
Flangeosaurus · 11/03/2023 15:39

You can get special needs buggies which are bigger than a pram so that might work if she needs to take a nap? You can wrap her up then as well.

Floralnomad · 11/03/2023 15:40

Get a lightweight wheelchair

Bumblbeestungmyknee · 11/03/2023 15:41

You can hire SN buggies for a couple of days

www.thebabyloft.co.uk/product/special-needs-pushchair/

Hellocatshome · 11/03/2023 15:44

Get a special needs buggy she will be far more comfortable. I would go for local days out so the travel doesn't wipe her out. Or if you want to go further afield factor in an overnight stay so she can rest after the travel and have a nice day out the following day.

Everycloud23 · 11/03/2023 15:48

Yes keep it simple. Just do a short activity at a time and take a special buggy. I have a dc who is similar (older now) and I came to accept she just couldn’t cope with a big day out and it wasn’t fair on her to make her do it. Lower your expectations.

Conkersinautumn · 11/03/2023 15:48

You can get the larger, purpose built chairs for older children. You can then add blankets and use ear defenders. Have snacks in situ, even a hot water bottle, You can use it to create a familiar 'zone' to not only rest but to help 'shut out' things when overloaded.

RoomOfRequirement · 11/03/2023 15:50

I don't understand why you want to take her on these trips she isn't getting anything out of? Can't you do something closer to home, in a less busy area? This sounds like what you want to do, not what's best for her.

Suetcrust · 11/03/2023 15:50

I hesitate to ask but has her heart had a recent check up? Could she have a murmur or an issue which impacts on her stamina?
I had flat feet/fallen arches as a child and walking exhausted me. I needed inserts to support my arches.
Suggestions for a special wheelchair sound good. I hope she’ll get stronger as she gets older.

Marchforward · 11/03/2023 15:50

Get a Mclaren Major buggy. It sounds like you are trying to fit in too much in a day too.

Anoisagusaris · 11/03/2023 15:53

Do other types of trips?

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 11/03/2023 15:55

It does sound like you're planning activities that are too much for her. A day trip to France would wipe out most 6-year olds. Do shorter trips closer to home.

TeenDivided · 11/03/2023 15:59

I think you need to adjust your expectations / plans.
We used to do things like day trips to London because DD1 enjoyed them, but very much: activity, lunch, more peaceful activity, home.
Once DD1 stopped coming with us we stopped things like that because DD2 didn't enjoy them - not her kind of thing.

So if your DD enjoys them, then maybe do them but with 2 nights stay so she gets a rest either side of travel? Or if not, be less adventurous.

And get a SN pushchair.

Favouritefruits · 11/03/2023 16:00

A six year old in a buggy is nobody else’s business, do what’s best for your child. You can pick a cheap buggy up in a charity shop or on eBay. Who cares what it looks like as long as you and her are happy.

Babooshka1990 · 11/03/2023 16:00

What do you mean you don’t know what to do? Could you not plan days out that she will enjoy more, closer to home and shorter days?

CaroleSinger · 11/03/2023 16:03

Bumblbeestungmyknee · 11/03/2023 15:41

You can hire SN buggies for a couple of days

www.thebabyloft.co.uk/product/special-needs-pushchair/

The special needs buggy for hire is an amazing idea. I think you need to work with what you have really and not try to do too much. Is there anywhere nearer you could go for so e time out? London may be more than she's able to manage if the journey there is so tiring, maybe just go for a show or meal instead of trying to fit more in?

SussexLass87 · 11/03/2023 16:03

Echoing others who suggest getting her a proper SEN buggy - could the hospital where she was diagnosed help with this? Do you have an Occupational Therapist to help you? They'll be able to help with the sensory diet and any equipment needs.

I'd suggest managing your own expectations - your child has an autoimmune condition and ADHD - that's a lot for them to deal with when out and about in a busy city.

I have kids who are autistic - we always take London very slowly, we stay in a hotel so spread activities out (one a day) we make sure to bring ear defenders, take breaks in cafes / parks, plenty of regular drinks and snacks, we try to get Ubers as much as possible to take away some of the demands.

We also make sure that the day after a weekend in London is calm and quiet at home to allow them to regulate.

You can contact places in advance as well, explain her needs and you can see what they have to offer. Some do specific quiet sessions with families with SEN.

Hope that helps - it can feel like a lot when your child is being diagnosed with things. I think the most important thing is not to compare her to her peers, who don't have these extra things to deal with, and just focus on what she can do.

Bagpuss2022 · 11/03/2023 16:05

Start with shorter days and closer to home trips the park local museums attractions etc ignore looks from people about her in a buggy if she needs one she does.
my non disabled DD was in a buggy at 6 when we did Disney we didn’t care who looked it made all of our days nicer we also took one when she was 7 didn’t use it as much but was handy even the 11 year old got to rest his legs

lljkk · 11/03/2023 16:05

Sorry OP, I want to be sensitive. Is her condition life-limiting?

Why not keep to short day trips? France & London etc. will still be there in xmany years or whenever her stamina might be better.

Snoken · 11/03/2023 16:06

I’d skip France and do two days in London i stead. Stay somewhere very central to what you want to do and just go out for a couple of hours, then back and rest for 2-3 hours and see how that goes. There is no point in trying to push her to do lots of big things if she can’t handle it or enjoy it.

PeekAtYou · 11/03/2023 16:11

I think that you're being too ambitious. Keep things simple for her and use a special needs buggy so she can rest when she needs to. If you have other children then I can understand that you don't want them to miss out but I would accept that your dd will sleep through a lot of the trip because it's physically demanding.

DoughnutDreams · 11/03/2023 16:15

Can you get her a wheelchair? I struggled for years as a child, missed out on so much and a wheelchair transformed my life. It sounds as though this isn't a temporary situation so borrowing a buggy isn't suitable and doesn't give her the independence an appropriate wheelchair would. Even think of a powered wheelchair longer term if she would struggle to self propel.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 11/03/2023 16:20

When Dd was a toddler we had a big day out for her birthday. Safari park that also had rides. We did everything! We saw everything! We had a brilliant time. Photos are gorgeous. #makingmemories and all that.

Afterwards we asked her what she had enjoyed the most.

”Picking daisies on the lawn”

There was indeed a lawn that had many daisies. She had happily picked them whilst Dh and I sat down for a breather and to consult a map as to what exciting thing to do next.

But it wasn’t supposed to be the highlight! We have daisies at home!

After that we massively downgraded our adventures to simple activities close to home. (That often involved daisies.)

QuinnofHearts · 11/03/2023 16:21

There's a kinderkraft buggy which is about £170 and it's for bigger kids. My son had it as he was quite tall!

Justmeandthedog1 · 11/03/2023 16:39

I’d definitely try to get a special needs buggy or wheelchair, I think you might need the advice of an OT to get the right one. Being in something not suited to her size and weight could cause her real discomfort.
Have you heard of spoon theory? It’s worth looking at, trying to do too much and your dd then feeling wiped out is self defeating.

cadburyegg · 11/03/2023 16:40

My NT very active 8 year old would find a day trip to France too exhausting. I think you need to adjust your expectations a little. I agree with looking into SN buggies

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