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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let DN go to this special day

16 replies

aloneinthenight · 11/03/2023 14:19

I have a dilemma.

To give full background. DS1 died 3 years ago.

Before Christmas I nominated DS2 for a special day at his favourite football team. He was selected and now gets to go a match, watch them warm up and have his photograph taken with the team etc

He is also got a special video message and signed shirt.

My dilemma is, only 1 adult is allowed to go with him. DH has said that it's fine for me to go as I did all the arranging.

However, DS2 really wants his cousin to take him. His cousin (my DN) is in his 30s and has been amazing with him. He has really looked after him since DS1 died, takes him to matches, invites him round etc.

It would be a lovely way to recognise that and say thank you.

BUT I REALLY WANT TO GO.

Not for the match, but I want to see DS's face when he meets his heroes and share that with him.

But I don't know what to do.

Should I fall on my sword and say DN can go, or will I regret it.

OP posts:
AlmostaMamma · 11/03/2023 14:21

It’s his special day, let him go with who he wants.

Jesko · 11/03/2023 14:21

Let your son choose who to take with him, it is a special day for him after all.

Motnight · 11/03/2023 14:22

I am so sorry for your loss. Sounds as though your ds really wants your dn there. Remember that you did this as well for your ds.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 11/03/2023 14:22

His special day, let him go with your nephew. Tell him to record your son when he meets them though! X

R0ckets · 11/03/2023 14:22

He wants his cousin to go and it is something that they both share a passion for. As much as it would be lovely to see his face light up, he's made it clear who he would like to attend and I think it would be kinder to honour his request.

Chocolatetadpole · 11/03/2023 14:23

I'd let him invite his cousin, if they go to matches together anyway it's their thing. Maybe try and have a drink/ meal together afterwards to discuss it all? Sorry for your loss ❤️

Roseandrose20 · 11/03/2023 14:23

Let DN take him but get him to take loads of photos of your DS for you. Can you buy yourself a ticket to the match?

Original poster
aloneinthenight · 11/03/2023 14:24

Roseandrose20 · 11/03/2023 14:23

Let DN take him but get him to take loads of photos of your DS for you. Can you buy yourself a ticket to the match?

Yes I know you are all right.

We are trying to get extra tickets but it's a big match so it's very unlikely.

OP posts:
Choconut · 11/03/2023 14:29

Let DN go but get him to video some of it for you to watch after.

Coffeellama · 11/03/2023 14:31

Let DN go, it was lovely to organise this but it’s not your day.

endofthelinefinally · 11/03/2023 14:40

I agree with pp saying let DS take his cousin and ask him to video everything. If they possibly can, ask them to explain the circumstances, Would you be able to contact the organisers and tell them the situation? They might facilitate the video, or help in other ways.
I too have lost my eldest child. He was 27 and died suddenly and unexpectedly. I understand the pain and grief.
I have been focused on supporting my remaining children who have suffered terribly since losing their brother. It is so, so hard, but in the end, supporting them has helped me to fear less for their future. I don't know if that makes sense.
I am so sorry for your loss.

Thisisformathilda · 11/03/2023 14:43

Let his cousin take him, it will mean the world to both of them. I do understand that you want to see his face etc but that can be videoed. I am so so sorry to hear about your son, I cannot even begin to imagine what that is like.

Original poster
aloneinthenight · 11/03/2023 14:43

endofthelinefinally · 11/03/2023 14:40

I agree with pp saying let DS take his cousin and ask him to video everything. If they possibly can, ask them to explain the circumstances, Would you be able to contact the organisers and tell them the situation? They might facilitate the video, or help in other ways.
I too have lost my eldest child. He was 27 and died suddenly and unexpectedly. I understand the pain and grief.
I have been focused on supporting my remaining children who have suffered terribly since losing their brother. It is so, so hard, but in the end, supporting them has helped me to fear less for their future. I don't know if that makes sense.
I am so sorry for your loss.

Thank you so much, and I'm so sorry.

All of my focus has been on DS2 and I'm beginning to realise that it was as much for my benefit as for his.

I now need to let him go a bit but it's hard.

Sending much love to you.

OP posts:
endofthelinefinally · 11/03/2023 14:54

When you lose one of your children, you cling to the others in desperation. You muddle through any way you can. You need each other. I was consumed by fear as I watched my younger children struggling. We are 6 years on now and they are making new lives for themselves and part of that was letting them go. Flowers

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 11/03/2023 15:20

Your DN sounds like a lovely young man. The bond they will have will be very special. It’s a positive thing to hear about this when there’s so much negativity about young men.
Maybe if you contact the club or the supporters group they may help you with seats.

2bazookas · 11/03/2023 15:33

Its HIS day; he wants DN.

DN can take a picture /video to show you later.

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