Comments on child’s body

[LulaMay84]

Just trying to work out if this is a weird or if I’m being overly sensitive.

my niece is just turned 12 and I’ve not seen her for ages. When I saw her I couldn’t believe how much she’d grown-got so tall. I mentioned this to my mother in law, saying ‘I can’t believe how much x has grown’. To which she replied, yes she’s really developing isn’t she.

the comment made me cringe. My thoughts weren’t about puberty or any part of her body other than her height. Is it me or is it a strange thing to say?

She could've also been talking about her height? If not, bit weird yes

She probably just said it off the cuff and wasn't thinking about anything in particular.

I don't think it's any weirder than commenting on any other aspect of her appearance. A bit weird to insist you noticed height and nothing else. Really? Probably best not to say anything you wouldn't say to her face at that age. 12 is a bit old for "ooh haven't you grown" type comments. And obviously everyone goes through puberty so why would you be surprised?

I don't think it's all that strange to notice that a 12 year old is reaching puberty?
It's not like she said it in front of the child.

I’m sure she didn’t mean it in a seedy way.

If it wasn't in front of the child it's normal. It is quite noticeable when a girl suddenly develops boobs and hips, no shame in that. But it would be mortifying to comment when the child is present. I might say to a friend who asked after my son , oh you would barely recognise him he's nearly 6ft and got a mustache. I wouldn't point out his facial hair if he was there!

Her body is changing from that of a child, your mother in law made the comment in agreement with what you said. What exactly is wrong with that? It may not be how you would word it. Yabu.

It makes me cringe when people comment on this. I think it brings back memories of my own adolescence and some comments which stuck with me.

I think it's just an older person's way of speaking about puberty without actually saying the word puberty. The reason she is so much taller is probably down that, I don't think it's cringey

I'd give her the benefit of the doubt msyelf.

Wow, some people are really forceful in their replies!

fair enough if I’m over-reacting. I expect it comes from the comments I had personally about ‘developing’ as a teenager and the implied meaning. Still makes me cringe.

I agree with you, I think it's a weird thing to have said. Even if I noticed a 12 year old had grown boobs I wouldn't reflect that in my comment. No one says my 2 year old is 'developing'. They use a phrase like you eg. Hasn't she grown! I strongly suspect the likes of 'developing' are reserved for girls who's bodies are changing. I doubt they'd say the same about a boy either tbh.

I can understand that, but developing just means progressing towards adulthood. Any implication you have put on that are your own. For instance, she may have meant pretty much just height or emotional intelligence that's all part of a child's development. Or youight be right and she was thinking other body parts ot all of it.

It might be worth thinking about why you cringe about a natural truth of life.

Err I say about my toddler that you can really see him developing. It just means he's changing, getting older, gaining more skills and progressing.

I don't think there's anything wrong with that and I don't think your mil meant anything wrong or creepy. Unless you've got reason to think otherwise I don't think you should judge people on a single word they use which may or may not mean anything at all.

I dont think it's weird no. My DD is only a bit older, I wouldnt think anything of that comment. She is developing, she's getting tall, she's becoming a woman, she's acting and looking more grown up, she's losing any kind of child/baby features as she's becoming a young woman. I'd say the fact that you think something of that comment is what's weird.