Absolute mess after having second baby.

[mzlk]

Hey

My second baby is currently 13 weeks and my first is 3 years old.

I can’t believe what I’ve done. I honestly can’t believe it. I have no idea why I thought this would be a good idea. My focus was just to give my daughter a sibling close in age because I didn’t have this.
In the process I have completely lost myself.

We used to live with my in laws so always had company/help.
Now we’ve moved out and I’m just struggling so much. I see people making it work by just cooking quick meals etc but I’m unable to function. I cannot cook or do anything.
my second is an even more difficult baby than my first. Which I didn’t think was possible.
She only sleeps on me day or night. Occasionally at night I can put her down in bed next to me. But in the day, never.

My life was so fun just before I had my second, me and my daughter always had plans. And now being stuck at home all day, it’s horrible. I’m SO bored. The thought of doing this for the next year or 2 makes me cry everyday.

I don't drive so that doesn’t help as I can’t take them out.

Currently have a chest infection and literally cry whenever baby cries because I don’t have my energy back yet.

on top of all of this post partum just comes with so many little health issues I’m fed up!! Right now my yellow lochia still hasn’t stopped 13w pp.

feeling so overwhelmed.

really in need of some encouragement and how to cope?!

I am typing this from the other side - comfy on the sofa watching while my 20mo and 4yo DDs play happily together in the garden.

You WILL get there.

Right now you need to do what you need to do in order to survive. Free nursery hours should kick in soon for the eldest and that takes the pressure off to provide so much entertainment. Get a bus somewhere every day (if you live near a stop); even if it’s just into town, a run around the park and home. Breaks the day up. Utilise CBeebies. Eat microwave meals/get your husband on the cooking.

Mine are terrible sleepers but by the time the youngest was walking at 12 months daytimes became SO much easier because they played together. 2.8 year age gap so similar to yours.

One day you will be reaping the rewards of the hard work that it is now.

My first is 2.5 and my second is just coming up to 6 weeks. You are not alone, I’m still not comfortable going out with both of them on my own and have only done it a few times. There’s a lot more screen time going on for my older one at the moment than I’d like! Four things are getting me through - (1) baby in a sling (2) cosleeping (3) nursery part time for my older one (4) Alternating family members visiting for one night a week.

The sling is a godsend for me at the moment as it lets me get the housework done. However, don’t feel like you need to get it done, for now it’s a bonus if the house is tidy, not a necessity. Doing some housework helps me keep sane but if the baby won’t nap in the sling then let it go and DH can do the essentials at the weekend.

Cosleeping still makes me nervous but it’s the only way I can get more than 3-4 hours sleep a night. If it makes you anxious then don’t do it, it’s not the panacea some people say it is but for me it really helps.

I appreciate nursery may not be financially viable but if it is I’d get your older one in at least a few mornings a week. It alleviates some of the mum guilt about the older one being bored while you’re taking care of the baby as at least they’ve had some time out/interaction with people who aren’t focused on the baby.

One of my parents comes to stay one night a week. It’s not a break really as I still have to do most of the caring for the children but having someone to keep us company, entertain my oldest and listen to me complain really helps. Do you have friends or family who could pop in?

I had PND with my first (and lochia up until 12 weeks which eventually went away on its own - get checked but sometimes it just takes a while) and it sounds like you might have it too. The main thing that helped me was realising that every stage with kids so young is really short, there’s no need to worry about doing a year or two like you are now because both your kids will be completely different a month, six months and a year from now. Just get through each day bit by bit and things will change. If you keep feeling hopeless speak to your gp/health visitor and remember that as you gave birth within the last year you can refer yourself directly to mental health services, don’t wait for the gp to do it if they aren’t helpful (mine was useless).

I hated it at that stage OP, but mine are 6 and 8 now (2 and a half years between then) and honestly it’s great. They aren’t the same sex and don’t always get on, but when I take them out they play with eachother great and they are so funny. You are in the hardest bit and I no it’s not over yet but it does pass and it does get better. If you can afford to learn to drive it’s a great idea, party because it’s an hour or two just being an adult each week, and also because youl need to be able to drive when they are older ideally. Take any time to yourself you can, itl get better.

Me kind to yourself, stop and take a breath. Don't think about the future, just think about each day as it comes for now. Allow things to settle in, baby is only 13 weeks old. Book yourself a GP appointment and tell him/how you feel.

I agree. I started taking lessons when DC1 was 6 months and I shouldn’t have.

I found putting baby in a sling helped a lot as they would sleep while I was doing a bit of housework/cooking.

Get a buggy board if you haven't already, toddler goes on that and baby in pram, you can cover a lot of ground

Spoke to my husband again, who actually seemed to be a lot more supportive this time rather than just think I’ve gone crazy! Lol

Today was a little better. I kind of just have to accept it really. I’m sure I’ll have another day where I feel like life is horrible.
I hated the baby stage with my first and so it’s really a surprise that im not a fan this time either.
I thought my second would be a dream baby like everyone else seems to get with their second?!

we wanted 3 kids initially but I don’t think I can ever put myself through this again.

jacket potatoes tomorrow sounds like the plan tbh!

I have a 4 month old and a 2.5yr old. I feel you What is helping me is getting out the house, and also the slow cooker. So firstly I get up and get us all dressed and out the house by 9.30am. Even if it's just a walk to the shop to get an ingredient for dinner. We are all usually in a better headspace by the time we get back. I also highly recommend the "bored of lunch" slow cooker book. I am cooking my way through it, and every morning I put ingredients in the slow cooker when I empty the dishwasher / make breakfast and know that by 7.30am I've sorted dinner! I also find I don't have the headspace for much at the minute so breakfast for the toddler and me is either porridge or toast with a piece of fruit, lunch is jacket potato with beans and cheese with salad or soup with toast. No other choices because I can't hack it. This too shall pass!!!

This too shall pass. It feels difficult because it IS difficult! Mine have a 3 year gap between them too and I remember the first year was really hard. Be kind to yourself, try to get more rest, don't worry too much about the housework. I would say as priority work on getting the baby to sleep in a basinet or cot, not on top of you (mine this did for a while too, but eventually were good sleepers and didn't have to lay in bed at night with them to get them to sleep). Once the good weather is here you'll find it much easier to get out and about. If you don't drive then invest on a good pram and buggy board so you can walk longer distances with them both. Another thing that helped me when my youngest started solids I just did batch cooking and froze all his meals in the weekend. Good luck mama!