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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to find DH planning does not = common sense - lighthearted!

15 replies

Iamintheatticandproud · 10/03/2023 18:52

Name changed as possibly outing…

My DH likes to plan - a lot. When a plan is brewing it feels like an oppressive evening before a pending thunderstorm; it feels like a non moveable force and utterly inescapable. DH’s plans cannot easily be adapted.

The current plan has involved cleaning out our main fridge to not possibly contaminate a food delivery….. We are lucky enough to have a back up fridge. So no mega pressing issue.

Background to said plan we have all had COVID, he’s had a family situation which involved travel, stress and 5 days away from home.Today saw a health emergency with my elderly parent and I had to cancel everything and just go. I was properly stressed, worried and hated letting people down, but I needed to do it. All resolved ok - fingers crossed!

Got home this evening with a massive headache to find the kitchen in chaos, dirty stuff everywhere and with a dismantled fridge, in the process of being cleaned. He’d run out of time. My heart sank! It reminded me of a previous immovable plan when I was heavily pregnant and very near my due date. On this occasion, it became a necessity to clean out the airing cupboard because it was messy. This involved him running out of time/motivation/energy and everything being stuck in the bath. It stayed like this for days, before I had to stick it somewhere else as I suspected I might need the bath to ease being in labour.

I am rubbish at planning and hate it. I would argue that I am more realistic in what I can get done, but then I am so guilty of muddling through and not startling things…..

Am I being unreasonable in thinking that despite thorough and detailed planning there are times when DH lacks common sense and practicality????

We are a self aware differing key neurodivergent household;-)

OP posts:
Iamintheatticandproud · 10/03/2023 19:00

To ask also….please tell me I’m not alone in my frustrations with unrealistic planning that leads to unfinished jobs….

OP posts:
JonahAndTheSnail · 10/03/2023 19:04

Unfinished jobs and crap all over the place does my head in, so YANBU. Could you encourage him to keep a notebook of how long these jobs actually take to complete from start to finish, so he can refer to it in the future?

Twinedpeaks · 10/03/2023 19:06

Why does he need to dismantle the fridge to clean it?!

Iamintheatticandproud · 10/03/2023 19:07

JonahAndTheSnail

So not just me then…! I like your suggestion! Accountability and future proofing … now that’s a plan I can get behind!

OP posts:
Sunriseinwonderland · 10/03/2023 19:10

Husbands like this don't tend to Iive very long in my experience especially if you live near cliffs.

OnaBegonia · 10/03/2023 19:11

He’d run out of time
in what way? does he need to go to work? If not, he can keep going and finish up.

Iamintheatticandproud · 10/03/2023 19:12

Twinedpeaks

Yes! This! If I only had the answer to this! Everything gets done to such an extreme degree that it’s therefore so much harder than it needs to be … <sighs> ….

OP posts:
Bunnyishotandcross · 10/03/2023 19:13

Is dh dead? No? Then he hasn't ran out of time.

Does he abandon said mission knowing you will finish it off for him?

Nannewnannew · 10/03/2023 19:17

I feel your pain OP. My exh pulled the dining room ceiling down on the day we were expecting friends to come and stay for the night on the way to their holiday destination.

Iamintheatticandproud · 10/03/2023 20:08

No cliffs here and no patio plans either;-) That did make me laugh though, and I needed that so thank you Sunrise.

To answer some questions…
He does do that <man> thing of never tidying anything away. Uses a hammer and it stays there for perpetuity etc.. and don’t get me started on the sheer randomness of the loading of the dishwasher. I need a degree in man thinking to get my head around that…

I think it’s because he has a very distinct sense on how things should be done. Think James May on Grand Tours. He approaches everything with such a degree of perfectionism that I think he sometimes goes way over and beyond what actually needs doing. This makes it hard to finish and he always intends to finish, but everything gets away from him and then sometimes it just overwhelms him. I meanwhile, am losing the will to live with it all. I favour a more do 5 jobs at once, get it done and string and bostik approach. This drives him mad. Think Jeremy Clarkson and a hammer. I think neither of us is right!

OP posts:
Iamintheatticandproud · 10/03/2023 20:13

Nannewnannew

Nooooooooo!!! Just noooooooo!!! And nooooooo!!!! again.

That’s like climbing all the way to the top of the mountain of what the f and going back down it to only climb it again. You win, I have absolutely nothing to AIBU with!

OP posts:
Do88yisfree · 10/03/2023 20:51

On the weekend of my 2 yo birthday party for approx 30 friends and family, my DH took on board my request to 'put the toys in the garden away'. (A 5-10 min job) In order to achieve this, he decided he had to buy and build a shed... We were going to Australia the following Friday for my sister's wedding, we also had a 6 month old baby and had his DM DF DB and DSiL all staying overnight.... He couldn't understand why I wasn't thrilled with the beautiful new shed....

tshirthunter · 10/03/2023 20:56

Is he adhd as that could have been written about me. Drives DH mad.

FictionalCharacter · 10/03/2023 20:58

I realise this isn’t the point, but why does he think the fridge would contaminate a food delivery unless he dismantled and cleaned it? Surely all the food would be wrapped or covered.

Iamintheatticandproud · 11/03/2023 15:40

Do88yisfree · Yesterday 20:51
On the weekend of my 2 yo birthday party for approx 30 friends and family, my DH took on board my request to 'put the toys in the garden away'. (A 5-10 min job) In order to achieve this, he decided he had to buy and build a shed... We were going to Australia the following Friday for my sister's wedding, we also had a 6 month old baby and had his DM DF DB and DSiL all staying overnight.... He couldn't understand why I wasn't thrilled with the beautiful new shed....

I wonder why too? 🤔😂

It’s like cracking a nut with a sledgehammer!!! Why oh why do they do this?……

OP posts:
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