AIBU to ask how single parents get anything done?

[ExhaustedMuch]

Recent single parent here. Got a toddler, no family nearby. Toddler has low sleep needs - only an hour or so during the day, and about 10 at night. She screams in the playpen (I've always put her in there while I cook, so it's not a new thing, and I always speak to her/sing to her etc. I don't Ignore her when she's there). Like bloodcurdling screams. I can get some stuff done but nothing that requires brain work, and I can't leave her in there too long as it's a small apartment with thin walls.

The house is a tip. I barely have time to shower and half the time I can't be bothered. She's in bed by 8 and I need to be in bed by 10. That's really all the time I have. By the time I've washed up and done a quick sweep of the house, it's time for bed. I never have time to do real cleaning. I've tried to involve her but she isn't interested or is for a second then just toddles away somewhere else on her own so I have to follow.

How on earth do other people do it?! What am I missing?

i don't, most days my house is a shit tip as im running on fumes. i just do the bare minimum to survive. that's feeding the kids and looking after their needs.

i do make sure beds and clothes are clean and clean dishes but most housework chores cant be done.
im also recovering from a nervous breakdown

housework its just not on my priority list,its up there at no 100 so to say.

im a lone parent(as in not a single parent as there's no other parent to take them)a full time carer as boys are disabled and a home educator so kids are with me.
i get help from no one

i cant work due to their disabilities and no school is suitable here(im very rural) so i cant even escape to work and stick them in a special school

both have severe sleeping conditions as well so don't sleep at night, its 1.20am atm and youngest son has been awake 33 hours so far. this is a normal occurrence

tbh i would love to sleep at night and get 2-3 hours a day to myself
im not alone in this lifestyle as are many disabled parents in the same boat as me.

government don't care and we are left with zero help and expected to suck it up. this has been my life since 2007 and will be for a number of years

I just got on with my housework while mine were small. They either pottered about with me or I set up their toys and they played on their own. If you give them all your attention then they will demand all your attention. Children need to learn to play independently. I did things like ironing when they were in bed.

I used to put the D.C. to bed and then spend an hour doing housework, laundry, etc. I’d do one room per evening (not every evening) and meal prep

id always hoover during day time hours though, never dared hoover at night

Mine would hate a playpen also. I attempted using travel cot as one before and he just screamed within seconds.

If yours is 14 months then they are a bit younger than 2 still. But I would just do stuff with them following or around as much as possible.
Ie at that age I would leave then in highchair after meal, clean the high chair and give them some board books or toys. Then speed basic clean kitchen like loading dishwasher, wipe sides, clean floor, all whilst they are still contained 5 mins.

Everything in 5 min slots rather than trying to fit in too much at once. Battery powered hoover I can run around whilst my toddler follows.

Yes I've never had a playpen! (He's 3 now). Although also I didn't attempt to get much done while he was awake (can do bit more now but still not loads). Made the most of him sitting in the highchair after meals, he's usually happy to sit In there for about 30 mins breakfast time as long as you keep plying him with more food, and do the washing up cleaning kitchen after dinner while he's in there finishing his dinner or eating some fruit

I'm not a single parent but have two 18 month olds. I don't get the dislike of the playpen. For us to cope we need the babies to have some high chair time, and some playpen time then allows them to roll around a bit and stand while clearing up happens.

A bit of TV on and a safe place to leave them while you have a wee is a godsend. If it's the teakettle shrieking, I wouldn't worry. My daughter does this and seems to find it endless fun to assault the eardrums of everyone around her. A wooden spoon and something to bang will give you a bit of variation.

Get a cleaner - even a monthly deep clean makes a difference

If you just have one then use the time when they are asleep but before you go to bed to have a quick tidy of toys & the dishes

Simple meals
Eggs
Pasta
That don’t take too long

and see if there is any low cost childcare around

Baby proof the house, then yes, it's fine to let them wander around alone.

I got on with everything all the time with my children whatever age they were.

So for example - baby in a sling to do housework/exercise.

Toddler age - for example if I was sweeping I'd have a little ball which I would knock around with my brush and they'd chase, or if I was washing up, they'd have their own little bowl too, just whatever.

I used to wipe out the bathroom and tidy the kitchen / load dishwasher every day as soon as my child was in bed (20mins max). I ran the washing machine overnight and would hang clothes on the drier during breakfast time, sometimes with some help! I used to get up 30 mins early to shower. I used food delivery for big food shops. Dusting and vacuuming was a bit ad hoc and happened whenever I could squeeze it in and I used to batch cook in the evening probably twice a month. I had a few large baskets in the living space and would lift playmats and toys after bedtime and clear the floor. I am a single parent with no help so I know it is difficult but I remember this being one of the busiest ages. Don't drive yourself mad trying to keep everything perfect. Good luck.

The two women I know who were both single parents to one DS each for years lived at opposite ends of the how tidy is my house spectrum. One was just a naturally organised person with very high standards, personality wise she is very black and white and does not dither. The other over thinks everything. Neither of them had family or lots of help.

I haven’t been in your position but used DS travel cot as a playpen in the dining room and had a cleaner. Also anything that was vulnerable to being broken was just packed away. I actually found the box of stuff in the loft recently, DS is now 21 ! so all my bric a brac was sent to the charity shop except a really lovely blown glass bowl.

I found this post as, I have just moved into a house with my toddler, 18 MTHS, if I even attempt to, cook, clean, bits in the garden, decorating and all the rest of it she either starts crying, throwing stuff and just generally making it impossible, she doesn't see her mum and my family are too busy to help, driving me crazy!

@Ashley1990 get her involved in what you are doing. If you’re doing the garden- get her a kiddy spade. Laundry- let her help load the machine. Kitchen- baby gate at the door and tell her what you’re doing. Cleaning- give her a cloth to “help”

save the big jobs for bed time.