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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teen girl and boy friends sleeping arrangements

15 replies

Katyawampus · 10/03/2023 16:17

Help me out please dear mumsnetters. My son is 16 and has a 15 yr old girlfriend. He wants her to stay over. I've already said if so then separate bedrooms,

He's ok with that but I've said when I go to bed (night owl here so won't be early) I want them to go to their own beds. He's not happy! Says I don't trust him. Admittedly they are here sometimes on their own when I'm at work.
AIBU to say they have to go to their separate rooms when I go to bed or should I trust them to go when they're ready? Apparently when he stayed at hers they went to separate rooms when they were ready but he would say that wouldn't he. Needing some quick replies please 🙏

OP posts:
Dixiechickonhols · 10/03/2023 16:20

I’d say your rules or no sleeping over. To be honest why does she need to sleep over? I wouldn’t be encouraging that.
I’d say review when she’s 16.

curlymacv · 10/03/2023 16:24

Seems a bit pointless to me, if sexual activity is what you're worried about - unless you're somehow managing to watch them all the time they're in there with the door shut. Plus, if they have time alone there during the day, they would just seize the opportunity then if they so desired. You'd only be preventing them literally sleeping together, not sex.

rwalker · 10/03/2023 16:29

In the big scheme of things she’s 15 so you can’t condone or facilitate sex
realistically it won’t make any difference I’m quite liberal but it would be separate rooms in my house till she’s at least 16

Hoppinggreen · 10/03/2023 16:30

DDs BF slept over in the spare room from 16. After a while he was allowed to stay in with her until me and DH went to bed and then a while after that he was allowed to stay there all night. His parents had the same rules at their house too.
Just do what you are comfortable with, DD never questioned it - it was a rule not a suggestion.

smileladiesplease · 10/03/2023 16:32

My friend used to never allow her dd to take her bf upstairs and insisted on the doors being open.

Her dd got pregnant and gave birth at 16.

Trust me they are having sex. Make very sure your ds has access to condoms (we had a bowl on the bathroom full of them) it's not his gf responsibility to use contraception it's his. Otherwise it's a French farce with creeping around and nonsense all round.

At least both are in a safe warm environment and most of all using contraception.

tiggergoesbounce · 10/03/2023 16:38

Im assuming you know her parents.
I would contact them and just "reassure" them that despite them letting them go to bed whenever, in your home you are more comfortable them sleeping in seperate beds, and going to those rooms when you go to bed.

I do think if they are going to be having sex, they will anyway, but with the girl being below the age of consent, i would be seen not to be "encouraging" it.

tiggergoesbounce · 10/03/2023 16:39

And yes to your DS having access to condoms.

Dacadactyl · 10/03/2023 16:40

I 100% wouldn't allow any sleeping over at their ages.

moonpixel · 10/03/2023 16:55

You are allowed to say no. Which is what you should do.

AmyandPhilipfan · 10/03/2023 17:06

Why is she staying over? My mum allowed it occasionally when I was 17 and had a boyfriend and we were, for example, getting up early to go somewhere specific together the next day but just a normal evening then he went home, or I did if I was at his.

I also had a mother who I knew would have been horrified if I'd got pregnant too young so the very fear of telling her (she wasn't abusive at all, I just didn't want to disappoint her) ensured I waited until we were 7 months into our relationship, I was nearly 18 and I was using two forms of contraception when we did have sex for the first time. So it's perfectly possible for a teenage couple to not be at it like rabbits constantly.

Bobbybobbins · 10/03/2023 17:06

I would either not allow this or if you do insist on the separate beds when you go to bed. I say this particularly as his GF is only 15.

Madamecastafiore · 10/03/2023 17:33

He's 16, shouldn't be having sex with a 15 year old. Things could go tits up and she could report him to the police. He needs to protect himself and you need to have a serious word with him about the implications.

According to the Sexual Offences Act 2003, it’s a criminal offence for any kind of sexual act to take place between two people where one or both are under 16.

Original poster
Katyawampus · 10/03/2023 17:44

He's not having sex with her.

She is very open with her parents regarding this and has openly said that she is too young and not ready. My son is also open with me and I trust him on this.
They are both aware of the law regarding underage sex. However, I am aware of the temptations and am trying to minimise these. Just interested in what other people views are

OP posts:
Original poster
Katyawampus · 10/03/2023 17:50

smileladiesplease · 10/03/2023 16:32

My friend used to never allow her dd to take her bf upstairs and insisted on the doors being open.

Her dd got pregnant and gave birth at 16.

Trust me they are having sex. Make very sure your ds has access to condoms (we had a bowl on the bathroom full of them) it's not his gf responsibility to use contraception it's his. Otherwise it's a French farce with creeping around and nonsense all round.

At least both are in a safe warm environment and most of all using contraception.

I would agree that DS has a responsibility to use protection but I would argue that, should they ever decide to have sex, they are equally responsible in ensuring this happens

OP posts:
gogohmm · 10/03/2023 18:14

I gave up enforcing the separate rooms when dd had been with her boyfriend a few weeks, she was nearly 17 though (he's a few more months older)

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