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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband

20 replies

Catdogmouse1 · 10/03/2023 15:55

Just need somewhere 2 vent and check im not going crazy. Husband went away 2 watch football on wednesday- whole day drinking session. He came home on thursday and carried on drinking. Thought that would b it, but still drinling 2day. Im 7 and a half months pregnant and have a 3 year old who is a poor sleeper, and i work full time. He seems 2 think wat he is doing is ok. Aibu to think that its so out of line

OP posts:
AlmostaMamma · 10/03/2023 15:59

Why are you venting here as opposed to having it out with your husband? This is clearly unacceptable, so why are you accepting it?

AlmostaMamma · 10/03/2023 16:01

Actually, I just reread. He’s still drinking? He’s on a three day bender?! What the actual hell?! Is this a something he does often? As that’s insane. Several steps on from problem drinking and into homeless wino territory.

Doesn't he have a job?

ObamaLlamas · 10/03/2023 16:13

Is he jobless or on annual leave. Tell him to leave whilst he's still drinking and that he can only come back when he's sober.

REP22 · 10/03/2023 16:17

He sounds like he's got a bit of a problem. Hopefully he's not doing any driving?

But it's not good and not fair on you or your children. He's unlikely to welcome advice or support, but in case you need it - al-anonuk.org.uk/

Choconut · 10/03/2023 16:25

I think it's about time he grew up. I wouldn't be putting up with that.

Topseyt123 · 10/03/2023 16:28

I wouldn't be at all happy about this and would want him out of the house at least until sober. Or maybe permanently if this is even a semi regular thing.

He's a problem drinker.

MintJulia · 10/03/2023 16:30

3 days solid ! Is he planning on drinking himself to death?

He doesn't sound like long-term parent material to me. Does he have any good points?

Original poster
Catdogmouse1 · 10/03/2023 16:30

Hes just had a couple days off. He doesnt do this 2 often, once every few months, but he usually does 2 days. With how far on i am in pregnancy i thought he would think better. Theres no having it out with him- he is worse than a stubborn toddler, and theres no telling him otherwise

OP posts:
name985 · 10/03/2023 16:33

I put up with this for 8 years. It won't change. Leave him now before you waste your life. You can't change someone who doesn't want to change.

Topseyt123 · 10/03/2023 16:34

Once every few months is far too often, and I would bet that you are on eggshells every time he goes anywhere socially because you don't know if it is the start of one of his benders.

I wouldn't want to live like that.

AlmostaMamma · 10/03/2023 16:34

Catdogmouse1 · 10/03/2023 16:30

Hes just had a couple days off. He doesnt do this 2 often, once every few months, but he usually does 2 days. With how far on i am in pregnancy i thought he would think better. Theres no having it out with him- he is worse than a stubborn toddler, and theres no telling him otherwise

Most people never go on drinking binges that last multiple days. The people that do are alcoholics. To an extreme degree.

Theres no having it out with him- he is worse than a stubborn toddler, and theres no telling him otherwise

So, you’re just going to tolerate it and your DC get to have an alcoholic father ruining their childhoods?

TaRaDeBumDeAy · 10/03/2023 16:43

Catdogmouse1 · 10/03/2023 16:30

Hes just had a couple days off. He doesnt do this 2 often, once every few months, but he usually does 2 days. With how far on i am in pregnancy i thought he would think better. Theres no having it out with him- he is worse than a stubborn toddler, and theres no telling him otherwise

Why are you having more children with him Confused

Original poster
Catdogmouse1 · 10/03/2023 16:43

I know people saying leave and i really understand that, i just thought he would b better for his kids and for me. When hes not doing this stupid level of drinking hes a great dad and husband, i just dont understand it. Its like 2 different people

OP posts:
moonpixel · 10/03/2023 16:52

He is living the single life while you pick up the slack.

When hes not doing this stupid level of drinking hes a great dad and husband, i just dont understand it. Its like 2 different people

He isn't a great Dad or Husband or this wouldn't be happening. He is counting on you accepting it though, it's called manipulation.

Topseyt123 · 10/03/2023 16:54

Catdogmouse1 · 10/03/2023 16:43

I know people saying leave and i really understand that, i just thought he would b better for his kids and for me. When hes not doing this stupid level of drinking hes a great dad and husband, i just dont understand it. Its like 2 different people

OK, and when you tell him that then how does he react? Does he get arsey about it? Does he promise to stop drinking and then do so for a few months, until the next time?

I have a BIL who was capable of all the promises in the world but has never kept a single one of them. We hardly have any contact with him.

CalistoNoSolo · 10/03/2023 16:57

Why did you have any children with this loser, let alone two? And who the fuck takes holiday to get shitfaced at home? Is he really unimaginative, childish and a bit stupid? He is certainly deeply unattractive. How can you bear to be in the same house as him?

AlmostaMamma · 10/03/2023 16:57

Catdogmouse1 · 10/03/2023 16:43

I know people saying leave and i really understand that, i just thought he would b better for his kids and for me. When hes not doing this stupid level of drinking hes a great dad and husband, i just dont understand it. Its like 2 different people

Why did you think your alcoholic husband would suddenly get better? Particularly as he apparently doesn’t even acknowledge there’s a problem? He didn’t get better after you had one child and you not only stayed, you decided to have another DC?

I had an alcoholic parent. It fucks you up. The sort of traumatic fucking your up that you spend several years addressing in therapy. And my alcoholic parent was nowhere even near your husband’s level.

And, when they get older, your DC will not forgive you for choosing to put them through this. They will blame the addict, but they will also blame the person who chose to bring and keep the addict in their lives.

Original poster
Catdogmouse1 · 10/03/2023 16:57

I just feel so sad and alone

OP posts:
CalistoNoSolo · 10/03/2023 16:59

Catdogmouse1 · 10/03/2023 16:57

I just feel so sad and alone

Taking control of your life and kicking him out will most definitely make you feel better.

AlmostaMamma · 11/03/2023 16:45

Have you kicked him out?

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