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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Black Hairstyles

68 replies

TheresNeverEnoughCake · 10/03/2023 12:26

AIBU - for being somewhat narked at being (politely) requested by a recruitment consultant to think about "getting your hair done". The implication being that my shortish, neat afro isn't quite business-like enough.

A tad thrown, I just mumbled okay but the subject was broached again when I made a follow up visit.
Do employers really still flinch at natural hairstyles in this day and age? Has anybody else come up against this? If it was dirty and riddled with nits, fair do's but the "it's a bit Black though, isn't it?" undertone stopped me in my tracks, to be honest.
Having worn many different styles in the workplace, I've had remarks before - bigots gonna bigot - but it is 2023. AD. I mean...AIBU? 🤔

OP posts:
ÉireannachÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉ · 10/03/2023 12:35

It's outrageous. I'm sorry this has happened to you. Please don't think for a second you should change your hairstyle. Only an eejit would think your hairstyle is "unprofessional".

SnarkyBag · 10/03/2023 12:37

As per above poster that’s outrageous. Sorry you have to listen to that kind of shit

Situaciones · 10/03/2023 12:38

Your hair sounds beautiful. I have no idea why someone would ask you to change it. Surely short and neat is very business like?

PolkaDotMankini · 10/03/2023 12:39

FFS why is this still happening?! Are you confident enough to tell them that their racist comments about your hair are unappreciated?

MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 10/03/2023 12:40

It's racist bullshit. As though the only 'proper hair' to have is straight and smooth European hair. I wonder what they'd have said if you'd asked 'what's wrong with my hair exactly?'

YANBU

bellamountain · 10/03/2023 12:40

I'd put a complaint in OP because that was totally unprofessional and rude.

Reugny · 10/03/2023 12:40

YANBU.

I would ignore and find another agency to deal with. Also go over this recruiters head to find a director of the agency, if they aren't it, inform them of that the person said and remind them that their staff should not be making racist remarks.

Btw I've had natural hair since I started working.

WalkingThroughTreacle · 10/03/2023 12:41

Of course you are not being unreasonable. It's simply outrageous and if I were you I'd seriously consider raising a formal complaint against them.

Aurorabored · 10/03/2023 12:41

It’s discrimination and it’s not acceptable.

Reugny · 10/03/2023 12:42

Oh and use the words "racist remarks" rather than discrimination or equality as it hits a nerve.

Jadviga · 10/03/2023 12:42

I would take my best innocent/naive look and ask them to elaborate exactly what is wrong and how you can fix it until they put their foot in their mouth so deep, even they embarrass themselves.

mishmased · 10/03/2023 12:43

This is beyond ridiculous! I will be asking them to explain what is wrong with my hair. I'm fuming on your behalf, so sorry you had to deal with this crap.

Newyeardietstartstomorrow · 10/03/2023 12:45

They are employing you on your cv, not your hairstyle. Afro hair gets a really weird reaction from some people. It's either not left alone by people insisting on touching it, or looked on as "other" in a professional setting. Both attitudes are outdated and unacceptable.

orangepoang · 10/03/2023 12:49

that's racism and discrimination about your hair. i'd be extremely unhappy and make a formal complaint. the person who said will probably say "i didn't mean it like that" but the huge inference (your natural afro hair ) is not acceptable and it's directly connected to your race.

Awful.

EmmaEmerald · 10/03/2023 12:57

That's racism
I haven't had that since I was 18, I'm horrified - I mean, I'm 46 now.

You really should point that out to them - though I didn't end up working for the agency who said it to me.

OhhhhhhhhBiscuits · 10/03/2023 13:00

Its disgusting and downright racist. People should hire you on skills not on how you look and especially not hair. I would put in a complaint to that recruiter and see what they say. Try and get it in writing if you can.

SettingsGalore · 10/03/2023 13:23

What? Did this really happen? Someone told you to get your hair done and said "it's a bit Black though isn't it" about your hair (Is it a bad thing to have a black hairstyle/afro? Is a non-afro a "bit non-black though isn't it?" and needs to get done when in a natural style?)

If this is really true, you should say Who, Where and when? Name, shame and report.

Tribollite · 10/03/2023 13:28

Of course YANBU. I'm really shocked they said that to you.

SettingsGalore · 10/03/2023 13:28

Sorry I misread and thought they also said it's a bit Black though isn't it.

Still name, shame and report.

Original poster
TheresNeverEnoughCake · 10/03/2023 15:35

Thank you for all the YANBU's. Yes, I should have asked them what sort of hairstyle they expected - presumably not twists or locs - but I was blindsided and then the moment passes, doesn't it? If it's brought up again, I'll certainly get them to explain themselves.
Thank you all so much for the support! x

OP posts:
Thepeopleversuswork · 10/03/2023 15:39

That's absolutely outrageous. I would take that up with the firm's management. That could land them in all sorts of trouble. I can't believe people are making remarks like this.

Choconut · 10/03/2023 15:42

Fuck that shit OP.

You do not want to work for someone who thinks your hair is wrong because it's too 'black' because they'd obviously be racist arseholes.

Report this consultant, find a new recruitment company and don't change your hair because of that BS.

skippy67 · 10/03/2023 15:43

TheresNeverEnoughCake · 10/03/2023 12:26

AIBU - for being somewhat narked at being (politely) requested by a recruitment consultant to think about "getting your hair done". The implication being that my shortish, neat afro isn't quite business-like enough.

A tad thrown, I just mumbled okay but the subject was broached again when I made a follow up visit.
Do employers really still flinch at natural hairstyles in this day and age? Has anybody else come up against this? If it was dirty and riddled with nits, fair do's but the "it's a bit Black though, isn't it?" undertone stopped me in my tracks, to be honest.
Having worn many different styles in the workplace, I've had remarks before - bigots gonna bigot - but it is 2023. AD. I mean...AIBU? 🤔

Was the recruitment person black?

ConfusedNT · 10/03/2023 15:50

Was it a recruitment agency or an internal recuritment person for a company

If its a recruitment agency for a job you want with a specific company I would be tempted to contact the company and let them know that you want to apply for a role with them but you have encountered racist behaviour from the recruitment agency that's causing an issue. The company I work for would be mortified if we knew that had been said to a candidate and would stop using that recruitment agency

This is why I always wear my hair natural to interviews. I spent years straightening it for interviews only to get a job and find out the manager had issues with my natural hair. At least that way I dont end up working for a racist company/manager

WiddlinDiddlin · 10/03/2023 15:53

WTAF... I assume its not covering your eyes like a human version of an old english sheepdog, or full of twigs or in danger of getting caught in machinery.....

Beyond safety and general hygiene which is applicable to everyone, they should not be commenting!

Fuck that.

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