Friendship woes

7 replies

JellyBeans34 · 10/03/2023 09:12

Hi, I am in a dilemma.

I have two friends, one who I am closer to. These two friends had a major bust up. I don’t know what over. Is it better for me to hear both sides? Or stay out of it? In some ways I want to know the details so I can hear both sides out. But in another way I know it will affect what I think of each of them.

On the other hand, I would rather not get involved, but I can see the friendship with either of them, might not be the same again as I am friends with both of them and they might not feel as comfortable talking to me being the mutual friend.

So not a win win situation either way…was wondering what you would do in this situation? Thanks

OP posts:

Cleargreysky · 10/03/2023 09:15

If one/ both of them volunteers to talk to you, hear them out, be sympathetic to them feeling upset about the fall out, but make it clear that you are friends with both and can’t take sides on this.

Cleargreysky · 10/03/2023 09:19

To be clear, when I say sympathetic to their feeling upset, I do mean just to the feeling. You should not pass judgement on how right or wrong they are to feel upset, and certainly not on the action of the other friend they are upset about.

So sympathetic to their pain without passing judgement on the cause of the pain iyswim.

Ponoka7 · 10/03/2023 09:55

I'd hear them out. It depends on what's happened. I'd never say that I wouldn't absolutely not take sides. I couldn't be friends with someone who'd had a friend off for money, shared information with an abusive ex , left them stranded on a night out (all stuff that's happened to friends) etc.

Ponoka7 · 10/03/2023 10:00

If it's something bad then you can absolutely pass judgement. If it's something that's being blown up, then you can give an opinion. We should be able to be honest with friends, otherwise they are really occasional aquantaces.

toddlermom1 · 10/03/2023 10:05

I'd say stay impartial. You may never get the bottom of things completely and even if you could i don't think its fair to pick sides

Original poster

JellyBeans34 · 10/03/2023 11:44

Yes it’s a difficult situation. I don’t know what has happened but I know it’s hard to not judge if I do choose to hear them out. It’s really awkward. It undoubtedly changes the friendships I have with them, even if I don’t hear them out.

OP posts:

lazycats · 10/03/2023 11:59

Don't worry, I'm sure they'll both tell you. People love drama.

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