Why 3 year old is waking crying.

[Whattodonut]

Ever since she was little Dd3 has woken at least once usually more times,, every night.
We use to try to get her back to sleep in her bed but that meant at least half the time she would just wake up fully and be awake for 2-4hours. We gave up and now if she wakes after we've gone to bed she comes in with us. In the night she is restless but if she cries I can get her back to sleep quickly. She also usually (not always) wakes crying in the morning.
She goes to sleep fine although I have to sit with her.

We've doing what we're doing now just to survive (we bought a bigger bed as she's a wriggler) but its not sustainable. I dream of sleep. A night's sleep with no interruptions.
Dh is the one to fetch her up to ours but I'm the one she needs to get back to sleep

Any ideas?! We've tried so many I'm not sure I could list them here.
She shares a room with her sister so, even if I could bare to leave her crying, its not possible

I don't know what I'm asking I guess. I'm just on my knees.

Leave her in a room, and stomach the cries.

She'll give up and sleep eventually.

Cave in every time she cries and then guess what she'll do when she wants something?

She is not in pain (as she sleeps fine with you), she will not suffer. Its a protest. You are the parent, set the rules and boundaries.

I think thats horrible. Should I leave her in the cellar? Because as i said she shares a room with her sister. We have no other rooms.
Anyway- She sleeps fine except when she doesn't because she wakes screaming. Like right now. And now I can't calm her. She was already in bed with us.

Maybe make up the old cot mattress as a little bed on the floor next to yours and tackle the issue from there? It takes the stress of waking her sister of having to go and fetch her out of the equation.

Ah, that sounds really challenging, I’ve heard people say they set up a little bed for them in your bedroom that they can go into when they wake in the night, saves the wiggling and fidgeting waking you up so much?

or try and sleep train? We sleep trained our DD at 11 months and haven’t looked back, (she’s 2 now) I go into her in the night if she does ever wake up crying, or if I can see she’s been awake for a little while, give her a drink, a quick cuddle and a bum change and she goes straight back to bed, I thought it sounded utterly barbaric to let them cry, but I’d recommend it to anyone now, assuming kiddo is ready of course.

I only get 5-6 hours a sleep every night because of work and timings (we both work full time on opposite shifts) so getting woken up for 2 hrs an hour after finally going to bed was physically killing me.. desperate times! But during sleep training she only cried for 15 mins every night, and within a week she was happily going to bed and slept through, no more tears! I couldn’t believe it, and it’s been a game changer!

you’d probably have it harder as it’s more of a learned behaviour, and she’s that bit older but could you move the other one in with you for a little while to see if sleep training will take.. could be worth a try at least?

I hope you find a solution, constant interrupted sleep is no joke!

Is she cold once the heating has been off for a few hours?

I don't agree it's harmless to let small children cry themselves to sleep.

She’s 3 so probably pretty verbal. Have you asked her about it? My DD sometimes had nightmares at that age. We developed a special “shoo shoo bad dreams” gesture that we would do before bed, and that she could do if she woke up feeling upset. We also bought a dream catcher to hang by her bed. Worked beautifully.

My DS was more challenging but responded pretty well to sticker charts for not waking us up in the night. His big sister also really encouraged him to sleep through like a big boy (and he really looks up to her).

Could she be having night terrors? Can she verbalize why she is crying? (Scared, thirsty etc). Any medical issues like low iron, snoring/mouth breathing, problems with tonsils/adenoids? All these things can cause poor sleep. Do you think she’d sleep better on a mattress in your room on the floor?

I don’t have any tips because my nearly 3 year old does the exact same and is currently fast asleep next to me in my bed. Is she sometimes absolutely inconsolable and seems almost scared? We have this probably 2 nights a week but then the other nights she still wanders in here and goes back to sleep no problem.

If she wakes screaming but isn't in pain/I'll it's probably nightmares or night terrors.

At this age they often have very scary dreams. They need reassurance.

Whatever you do, don't leave her in distress. That's absolutely abusive. I can't believe any parent could do that.

My son used to be like this we co slept until he was 3.5 when I was pregnant the 2nd time we moved his bed next to ours, not ideal as it took up all the bedroom. When he cried during the night I just held his hand until he went back to sleep. After 6 months we decorated his bedroom let him decide how he wanted it and off he went without a hitch couldn’t believe it.
The new baby slept through from 4 weeks, never a problem .

My daughter regularly woke up til she was 4 and would come in a couple of times a night. We would comfort her and just put her straight back to her own bed. She never got used to co-sleepling as a result, which meant that we always got decent sleep in our own bed and she loves her own bed.

My Dd did this and at aged 2 we decided to put her little bed next to ours. She slept like a log from that night! About a year later she decided she wanted to move in with her big sister and she did with no issues.

Night terrors maybe, intense but the good news is they grow out of it.

I don't think that shutting her in a room and ignoring her is the answer to anything, nevermind this.

To anyone that's suggested that, you have to put the work in, whether you put the work in at the time the child needs you, or ten fold when dealing with an issue you've kicked down the road, you put the work in.

Thanks. Dh took her out to stop her waking the neighbours as I couldnt console her. She went back to sleep with me half an hour later with some milk. She woke crying again at 530.

I asked if she was in pain she said no. She's a little too small to articulate its a nightmare but I can't think what else it can be. But its every night.

Her older sister gets night terrors when ill and it doesn't feel like those but I guess it might be. I really worry about the neighbours sleep as well

I guess the three options from your comments are
Keep doing what we're doing
Put a bed in her room for me to sleep in
Put a bed in our room for her to sleep in.

I might try sleeping in her room this weekend and see how we go. Im so tired I find it hard to make decisions and its affecting my work as well.

DH is just grumpy with me all the time which I know is a way of not being grumpy with her when he's flat out exhausted

What the fuck?
No don't do that!

It's probably nightmares OP, as much as it sucks now, by providing her with comfort and support she'll grow more confident.

Have you asked her why she's upset? Just support her. Even though it sucks.

Has she got a nightlight?
Gentle music playing.
Read fun books.
Talk about nice things before bed (this is something I do for myself to prevent nightmares)
I also learned that you can control dreams and stop nightmares in their tracks.

@DaveyJonesLocker
i think there is more we could do to have a chilled bedtime. We always seems to be in a rush

Do you have any simple language to explain about nightmares?

The more I think the more it must be nightmares. But why every night?

Any suggestions for 3 year old nightmare chats?!