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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Cut off

6 replies

tinyhamster · 09/03/2023 21:37

I have been best friends with someone for ten years. We're really close and supported each other through lots of life changes and ups and downs. I feel like I've been a good friend to my friend and have lent her money, have picked her up when she's been drunk in town and and generally supported her through life. She's done the same to me.

Some months ago, she got a new boyfriend. Her messages became non-existent which I understand, it happens. I was going through a hard time and she was barely there. If I messaged her, she'd put a thumbs up emoji on the whatsapp. Then after no contact, she messaged me about a work issue she was having and I coached her through it. I felt a bit crap about it and felt a bit used. One night I told her so after a few drinks and sent her a whatsapp saying I felt upset she'd only contacted me because she wanted info on sick leave. I felt awful the next day and apologised and she sent me a message back saying she accepted my apology and understood what I meant.

Some weeks later it was my birthday, and we arranged to go for dinner. I had to cancel due to a last minute work issue. Since then, everything went west. She then half arsed invited me to her birthday drinks via a group whatsapp making it clear it wasn't really to me. Every time I got in touch with her, she responded with one word answers.

I was then told she was moving house. Some months before, she'd borrowed an armchair from me whilst I was renovating. I was worried it would be left in the shared house so I messaged her to say I was putting it on ebay and could she return it. She then responded with a huge tirade of abuse and character assasination to the point where I had to block her on whatsapp. She told me in no uncertain terms she was done with me and she hates me.

I feel so sad about it. This is a person who I had a deep relationship with and I didn't expect it to go this way. I know I've been a bit insensitive raising her silence when she got her boyfriend but as I apologised and she accepted, I genuinely thought that was it. I feel bereft at the loss of the friendship and don't know what to do. I also feel angry about the times she's caused people great distress and we have forgiven her yet that hasn't been extended.

Any advice.

OP posts:
Vankyo · 09/03/2023 21:42

Best advice? Move on. Not all relationships are meant to last forever, even deep and meaningful friendships can run their course.

SheSaidHummingbird · 09/03/2023 21:57

Why do you want to salvage this friendship?

Densol57 · 09/03/2023 22:01

Ive had this. Only contacted me when they wanted legal advice. In the end I just blocked.

Friendships like relationships run their course. This one is over. Just move on and make new friends that bring you happiness not ones that make you feel like shit.

ChickenDhansak82 · 09/03/2023 22:04

Friendships come and go.

It's time to move on. She has made her feelings clear.

Enufsaid · 09/03/2023 22:06

Sad for you - I’ve been here - I think it can be impossible to see things from each other’s perspectives sometimes.

did you get the chair back?

Franticbutterfly · 10/03/2023 16:50

I have silently backed away from a friendship with someone due to lack of reciprocity. Very often if we met up she'd just speak at me for the duration, never asking one question, it made me feel so used, so I have just stopped contacting her. I guess what pps have said, not all friendships are meant to last forever.

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